- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014
Hello Bee’s, —-> LONG
I am recently engaged, (and new to bee, so don’t know all the abbreviations yet – so bare with me) and I am stressing about choosing my Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaids. I know I want to have a bridal party for sure, and I always envisioned about 7-8 of my closest friends and cousins in it. My guy however will only be having 4 maybe 5 groomsmen including best man. I have over 25 first girl cousins, and various groups of friends from which my head is now spinning trying to chose maids and not hurt anyones feelings.
My other issue is choosing my best friend, or my closest cousin to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. my cousin is older, in her mid thirties. For years, she has basically talked down to me everytime I became excited about a guy (especially my now fiance), saying things like ” I dont think anyone is supposed to be together forever. I think bonds only last about 5 years and then everyone loses interest and then you should explore other people.” and…”I don’t think marriage means anything – EVERYONE cheats.” and…”I don’t believe in marriage because it makes you hate the other person. I want to be able to tell someone I am moving on and not need a lawyer.” Now, I personally think is is totally selfish way of looking at things – use someone up til your tired and them dump them when they start to get old?..its not all candy and roses all of the time…and i know she has been “the other woman” a few times….SO- i have chalked this up to her self-justifying her behavior and make herself feel better for being older and single. (ALthough i dont think mid thirties is old! – just alot of peep her age are married)
THEN my cousin made it clear to me before I even became engaged, that she expects to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. I know this, becaus at the beach one day she brought it up while discussing a family friend’s choice for Maid/Matron of Honor. She told me that she wouldnt chose her best friend, because she has a sister and will undoubtedly make her Maid/Matron of Honor. Also, that she values blood before friendship, and therefore will make ME her Maid/Matron of Honor one day. (although she doesnt believe in marriage….) So without showing any panic, I mentioned my best friend who I assumed I would chose since I can remember. Her response was ” Well she’s not blood, and she has 2 other sisters…she will be a Maid/Matron of Honor one day so she shouldnt be hurt.”
THEN, there is the constant backhanded comments about my fiance since day 1, and trying to manipulate family members into hating him. He has done nothing but treat me like gold at family functions, and gets along with my immediate family which-surprised me. They are all male, and I thought it would be tough for him to get into their little “wolf pack” but he did! She has even made up that he did drugs at a holiday party trying to get my brother to dislike him! When THAT was squashed (cuz i flipped) – she pulled the exact same thing on a night out drinking with my immediate family 3 months later. We hangout more than usual cousins do. We are more like friends. So everytime I gushed about how great my fiance was – she said “Well…don’t go wasting all your time on him. you never know what could happen…” (She made me feel like some great guy will dump me for some reason eventually. Legit – gave me self conscious ISSUES until my guy assured me she was nuts. And I’m a damn catch!) When I told her I thought he was “the one” her response was “really?…your so young…I feel like you don’t know what that means.” Mind you, she is 8 years older. Not 28 yrs older. I have had 2 long term bf’s before my fiance, and I am 25 yrs old not 18. Everytime a family member laughs at his jokes, or says “oh…isnt he so funny?/great?” she cocks her head and makes a disapproving facial expression. She is so stealth however, that none of my other family members see it, and I do not bring it up ne more to ne one because then I get the “your too sensitive” line or “she was probably just trying to protect you” lines. Both of which – I have wished to be true. Because it is hurtful. And I know its not that. my brother and father take her side every single time!
SO (sry so long!) – Now I became engaged. And she assumes she is Maid/Matron of Honor. Sending me texts that she wants to help as much as she can. I am actually afraid to include her for fear that she will ruin my wedding because of her reservations about marriage, her hate for my fiance, and her obvious issues with who I choose for Maid/Matron of Honor. My BFF knows alllllll of this, and doesnt pressure me to chose her at all. But I want to! I fear if I don’t chose my cousin, my entire family will look down on me for it. And I know this sounds dramatic – but GIVING her the power to ruin it all for me seems stupid.. I am that annoyed and untrusting of her. Which is sad – because I used to count her as one of my closest friend. WTF DO I DO????
By The Way – cousins opinion on two MOHs is that it doesn’t fly…she will no doubt make an issue of that.