- 3 years ago
- Wedding: January 2015
SORRY this is soooooo long, but i honestly need to vent… I was a bridesmaid in my cousin’s wedding late last year and she was SUCH an inconsiderate and selfish bride. She basically wanted the best, and yet was very stingy with her BMs. What I mean by inconsiderate and selfish is:
- We had to have three dresses (in our culture, it’s not TOO outrageous), but we had to pay $200 for the 1st one (NOT including $ for alterations. We had to fight for the $200 dress, she had originally wanted us to buy a $400 one), the material for the 2nd one was $80 (initially she was trying to upcharge the material for $150 but everyone protested, so she was *magically* brought it down to $80), and while, she gave us the 3rd dress material as a ‘gift’, we were still responsible for getting a tailor to sew the material into a dress (along with the 2nd material). So my clothing total was roughly $450-500.
- We were responsible for paying for EVERYTHING. She wanted us to have everything professionally done (her way), but on our own dime. Shoes, hair, make-up, EXTENTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Thank God my mother does hair, and I was only responsible for the $80 mid-quality hair, I didn’t have to pay for the labor). After me and another bridesmaid complained of all the costs, she grudgingly decided to pay for our $50 makeup. (after the wedding, i found out through a mutual friend of ours that she spent $2000 on her pair of wedding shoes!!!) I’m not upset that she spent that much on herself, i’m upset that she was willing to spend $80,000 on her lavish “look at me” wedding (that apparently they are STILL paying off), and yet $400 for her 8 “BESTEST” friends to do do their makeup that SHE wanted for HER wedding was too much. She had no problem using us as her ATM, but trying to help us with our varying financial situations, is where she had NO empathy.
- Bridal shower/bachelorette party: This chick pretty much PLANNED her own shower, and gave us the bill. we were all to contribute $150. I did, and i also made her nice party favors. Some of the girls didn’t contribute. She was upset at them, claiming that “I would do it for them” and “well, so-and-so had money to take a random trip to LA, blah blah…” and When I told her that NOBODY owed her a shower/bachelorette party, and that she should be satisfied with whatever we can afford, she basically was like”well fine, i guess i won’t throw you a shower then” & “well, i just don’t want a tacky shower, i would like it to be done well.” Well, DAMN. How rude. For the bachelorette party, 3 day weekend in Vegas (I didn’t go, as I was a full time, grad student, with VERY little money). She understood.
- During and after the wedding, she was very happy on her day, and I was happy and relieved it was over, and she was married (her husband is the town’s slut, BTW. Not lying,as he isn’t exactly shy about proving it either). Anyway, She seemed to be very genuine with me during her wedding and immediately afterwards. UNTIL she had an after wedding brunch the next few weeks afterwards, and didn’t invite me and the other outspoken BM (she invited all the other in town BMs and our mutual friends). Keep in mind, I saw this girl, the Thursday night before her brunch, and she was hugging me, and being all fake, apparently. I found out through a mutual friend about the brunch. When I asked her why I wasn’t included, she got very defensive quickly, and was lying saying things like “it was only for married women” (uhhh our mutual friend that was there is single as hell), then she was like “well, i had an issue with you, so i didn’t really want to include you then”. And when she said this Bees, I went OFF.
I basically told her how fake she was for not being upfront with me, and smiling in my face while making small talk with me that Thursday when she had a problem with me. I also told her how much of a user and a narcissist she was because while I was spending the $800 or so I barely had to be in her wedding, she had NO problems with me then! Now that wedding is over, there is a problem?! I went straight OFF on her!!!!! Didn’t curse her out, but i was very blunt with my feelings. And GUESS WHAT?! She STILL wanted me to try to see things from HER perspective! Such a f*%^&$# narcissist!!! She basically insulted my efforts as a BM in her wedding, by purposely excluding me from something that she KNEW i would find out about. And honestly, it really isn’t about not being invited to the brunch. I basically felt soooo used. And we we werent just friends we are FAMILY. So i basically told her, until she chooses to tell me what this ISSUE is, I no longer have nothing to say to her. I know the “issue” is that i was acting ‘cheap’ with her wedding. Well, hey, if I can’t be honest with you (as a good friend and family memeber) when you aren’t being very considerate of your supposed best friends and their varying financial situation, you can’t blame me for “complaining”. And i could NOT drop out of her wedding, as that would’ve caused MAJOR family drama.
Now a month later (in December), I got engaged. She decided to call me then to congratulate me and talk about my engagement (I didn’t answer the phone on purpose and she left a VM.) I texted her back the next day (petty, i know) saying thanks. She them replyed saying “well, I told you to call me”. To be honest, I didn’t appreciate the “tone” in which she said that, so I was honest with her and said “i’m honestly just not in the mood to talk to you yet, maybe after the New Year”. She says ok. It is mid April now, and I have YET to talk to her. I honestly can’t control my emotions, and i still feel alot of anger and hurt towards her. I’m totally ok with cutting her out of my life. I did’t invite her to my engagement party (and apparently her feelings were hurt by that, boo hoo) But now it’s my turn to get married and our mutual friends are asking me to “be the bigger person” and squash it. I, quite frankly, am tired of always being the bigger person. My wedding isn’t until January. Should I just let the chips fall where they may? Should I suck it up and invite her? And this sounds petty as hell, but I know I will be PISSED if I invited her, & she shows up to my wedding with a $50 gift (and I wouldn’t put it past her). While I don’t want there to be family drama, I just refuse to be fake towards someone, who completely lost her mind during and after her wedding. And who had NO empathy towards me, when I was struggling to make her day awesome (within my budget).
Sorry for such a LONG vent! I’m just am still so angry and hurt. I have NO desire to even want to patch it up with her, TBH. But I don’t want to offend people either, what would you do?? And how should I learn to deal with these feelings?
- This topic was modified 3 years ago by Trilldayz.