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You know what you need to do? Smack her!
Man I am so mad for you. I had issues w/ dressing my MOH. I told her to pick any dress and she found fault with everything. Finally she picked one. Wooo.. it is pretty nice too! So hopefully your cousin sucked it up and bought the dress.
WOW.....uncooperative BMs totally SUCK!!
When is her dress due to come in? I say wait until it comes, ask to see it, and if it's not what you asked her to order then she's out.
does she need to be in the wedding? seriously, she needs to grow up and either jump on board or get off! you'll have enough to worry about, she needs not to be one of those things! I'd tell her "youre all set"
If she can't follow simple instructions, she can't be in the wedding!
That is so strange. I'd be flipping out if one of my BMs did that. Well, if you told her she can't stand in it, at least you wouldn't have uneven numbers now that your groomsman can't make it.
Who just buys their own dress and wears that? I'd send her a relatively threatening message about that. Seriously.
I really thought these things only happened on TV. I say she's out now--who behaves like that?? I'm sure you have family obligations that prevent you from being as rash as I'm recommending, but really. That kind of behavior needs to be punished! She's acting like a petulant four year old--so maybe you can tell her she gets to be the flower girl? Their dresses really don't have to match anyway. ;)
I know she ordered online from David's Bridal, so if I'm not mistaken, she has it by now. But we're getting no info from her and unclear info from her Mom.
I've already sent her nice messages which have progressed to "annoyed." My mother literally said to her, "if you do not choose an appropriate dress, you will not need one because you won't be in the wedding."
It would be really awkward to "kick her out" because her sister is in the wedding and has been awesome!
Do you think her sister could find out the info? The fact that she's not responsive AND the fact that the mom is being unclear screams out to me that she has something to hide.
I agree about her havign something to hide or just wants to cause you grief. I don't see a problem with only having her sister in the wedding. She can sit herself in the audience in her dress that she picked out......then have to answer to everyone why she's not up there!
I've asked her sister....she has no idea. Her parents are uncooperative to begin with due to a number of personal problems. I also suspect they're hiding something because of her mom being unclear. Seriously, you can't just look at the dress and tell us what it looks like?!
Shes just being stubborn shes still young and may lack the mind to think its about you and not her. It cant be a guessing game on which dress she picked maybe you should ask her in an email/VM if shes not answering your calls to pls send you the link of what the dress looks like if not your going to have to replace her just be polite about it and in your own words. Good luck with that! : /
The dresses & Bridesmaids are all registered for your wedding so your name's attached right? Can you call DB and ask them what she bought?
I know the dresses that she "wanted". One is too long and would look ridiculous esp. considering she is short. One is the MOH's dress -- the one thing my sister asked is that she be the only one to wear that dress. And one is chiffon when all the others are satin/taffeta.
I feel like I'm being a 'zilla about this, but I really feel like giving everyone NINE choices was enough. And no one else had a problem -- in fact some girls laughed about having trouble choosing because they liked more than one dress! ;o)
@Dancy: I don't think so, because she ordered online, not in-store. But I will give David's a call tomorrow and check.
If she got in from David's and gave your name you can find out what dress she ordered. I also had David's add my e-mail to the orders for the girls - so when their dresses come in - I get an e-mail alert too!
@ejs - LOL and my boss was totally walking by when I laughed too. Thanks.
@hotchild - That's BEYOND annoying. You said it yourself, though - your mom straight up said if she didn't get the right dress she's out. It just sucks that she's being such a little brat. She's too old to be acting like that.
ETA - You're so not 'zilla-ing out over this. You gave them NINE freakin choices! Nobody else had a problem except for bratty cousin so the problem is clearly with her, not with you.
Wow. What's her problem? I think sometimes the "dreaminess" (I guess) of being a Bm wears off sometimes, when they realize they are not a princess in a royal court, and need to put in $ and effort into making a wedding happen. With that said, she might have an issue being ordered around. (Even though you really aren't being a bridezilla.) Sometimes 19 year olds don't get it.
I think you should just have a one on one with her, especially since you say otherwise, she has been a nice person. Let her know that you aren't trying to cramp her style, or whatever. It's just that it's your wedding, and like all brides have a vision and want it planned a certain way. Therefore you need to know what dress she selected, because it needs to fit within your parameters. If she continues to have an issue, be firm. Let her know she needs to have one of the dresses you selected or she won't be in the wedding. Remind her that you still love her, even if she decides that she doesn't want to be in the wedding.
I would simply tell her
"Cousin,
I need a picture of your dress. If you are not going to cooperate like everyone else you can't be in the wedding. I love you and you're still my cousin, however, if you cannot get it together for the most special day of my life which I choose to have you involved in, then that is okay, because you won't be that involved... now, one last time before I take your name off of the program... WHAT dress did you order?"
Just like that...
Update: I've been waiting around to hear from my cousin and still nothing. I did another round of calls, facebook messages, and email to no avail.
My mom called her mom and demanded that she bring the dress over to the phone and give the style number/name/describe the freakin' thing. We're pretty sure that it's a dress from the list. Meanwhile, it sits in the bag and she hasn't even tried it on.
I still have not heard from her regarding this and she has no idea my mom talked to her mom. Ugh, inconsiderate.
Ri-DONK-ulous! Are you SURE you want her in the wedding? Like, for sure for sure? If I were you, I would be so. done.
Wow. I can't believe this AT ALL. If you agree to be a BM, then you have to wear what the bride asks. You were even nice enough to give 9 choices! I'm a BM in my cousin's wedding in October and I absolutely hate the dress (though I would never tell her that!), but I smiled and tried it on and bought it, no questions asked. That's how it's supposed to work. If she can't email you back and let you know what dress she got, I would ask her to step down if she doesn't feel like she can conform to the look you want for your wedding.
Have you tried calling David's Bridal? I know when I got my BM dress, I had to let them know who the bride was and things, so maybe you can have them look up the style # for you? Good luck!
It would be super-awkward asking her to not be in the wedding because her younger sister is in the wedding, etc. At this point, I'm going to message her with the dress I think it is and hopefully just get her to confirm. And I'm going to firmly say that we have things that need to be done, events, etc. and she needs to be more responsive or she can't participate any longer.
It just makes me really sad because I thought that having my cousins in the wedding would be a fun bonding experience for all of us and it's been no fun whatsoever. I wish I hadn't asked her in the first place.
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Oh. my. god. I've posted briefly about this before, but I'm about to lose it with my cousin/BM. She's 18 going on 19, which I consider to be an adult. She goes to college and lives there in the dorm. She is not stupid and does not lack computer/internet skills.
I gave my BMs the choice of 9 David's Bridal dresses to wear. My cousin decided she didn't like any of those. She chose her own (which did not match the rest) and told me she would be wearing that. My mother and I politely told her that she needs to choose from the 9 dresses offered. She threw a little hissy fit and didn't speak to us about it.
We heard through her mother that she ordered "a" dress. Which one, we do not know. I would not put it past her to just go ahead and order whichever one she felt like. I have been contacting her for two months to try and get her to send me a photo/link of the dress she ordered. She ignores my Facebook messages/emails/texts/phone calls even though she's obviously on the computer constantly.
The weirdest thing is....she's typically a really nice and non-bratty person. I don't know why she's acting like this. I am fearing that it will come time for the wedding and she will have a dress that will not match the rest. UGH /end rant