- 4 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
I thought long and hard about asking advice from people online, but really I’ve become so conflicted I really just have to get opinions from other people.
My cousin, “D” is marrying this guy, we will call him “K”. D is a year older than I am, and has always struggled with her weight, and had always been self concious about it. (This is important for later) She and I use to be a lot closer until she started dating K. She pretty much dropped off the grid and just spent all her time with him. They’d been together about 3 months when they got engaged, and are getting married this weekend, which is their one year anniversary. I didn’t really know K too well, and their engagement wasn’t well received, and K became more off-the-grid, until our other cousin, P’s, wedding in August. D and K came to the wedding, and DH and I actually got to know him, and he seemed like a pretty cool guy. We were both shocked to learn that he was only 20 years old (he looks older, 24-25 maybe?), and he was interested in video games like DH and I.
So, fast forward a week or so, and I accept a friend’s request on FB from K, and we start playing a game together (we meaning DH and me). So… about 2 weeks ago K and I were on Skype talking while we played the game (which is common for the game we were playing, voice communication is key), and K told me that D was kind of mad at me because I had used a lot of her “dream ideas” for her wedding in my wedding last year (before she was engaged, and I think before they were even dating… or maybe they’d just started, K wasn’t at my wedding). So this is about when the “offense” took place. K said something along the lines of “Well, I think she might just be jealous of you and is afraid our wedding won’t be able to compete.” Now, DH’s parents were extremely giving for our wedding and paid for the entire thing, so we had a pretty extravagant wedding, so I assumed he meant jealousy due to budget and said something along those line. That is when he said, “No, I mean you’re hotter than she is and have a much better figure.” In hindsight I should have ended the conversation RIGHT then, but instead I continued it. I was honestly caught off guard and didn’t really know what to say, so just said “What’s that suppose to mean?” And he said “Well don’t tell her I said this, but I sometimes wish she was more like you. Like, played video games and watched her figure a bit, you know?” At this time I DID end the conversation, and told DH about it when he got home.
DH seems to think that K was just trying to compliment me, and while innappropriate, he just attributes it to him being youngand immature and that I am just being defensive… but I think it was more than innappropriate. It was down right insulting to my cousin and I have to say, I do NOT like K anymore. I just don’t think I am the only female he’ll have said something like this too. My gut was to tell my cousin, but DH thinks that 1) He thinks K didn’t mean it like that 2) If I do tell D, and she confronts K, it’ll be his word against mine, and since our relationship has grown apart this last year, she’ll be more inclinded to believe K and it will just backfire on me (and maybe turn my relationship with the rest of my extended family sour) and 3) She might think I am just trying to be malicious and ruin her wedding.
So now its been about two weeks and I just CANNOT deal with it. Every part of my gut is telling me to tell my cousin, because I would want to know if it were me, and I would rather my cousin hate me forever, than to have her marry a guy who insults her behind her back… but I am afraid the timing has passed and I really messed up. I feel bad for listening to DH, but I’ve really had more time to process everything and all I can think about it how horrible I would feel if later on K cheated on D and I could have warned her.
So please… help me. I am at my wits end and my cousin is marrying this guy in 3 days. I feel like I already messed up, so please don’t make me feel worse about not telling her right away. I just need to know what to do now. I can’t change the past, though I wish I could. But really…. being in a situation like this is NOT easy, and knowing what is the right thing to do is REALLY hard. (I mean, I’ve ready a lot of polls and it seems some women just don’t want to be told…)