Cousin's FI was "hitting" on me, by insulting her?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Honestly, I would keep my mouth shut.  I am sure she knows what kind of man she is marrying.  You are not responsible for his actions or their relationship.  If K cheats on D, that is all on K, NOT YOU.  Warning her will not help the situation or change anything, I’m sure. 

Post # 4
6207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I don’t really think he was hitting on you, but it is concerning that she’s marrying a 20 year old guy who doesn’t think the world of her after 1 year. However, if the wedding is in 3 days, I wouldn’t rock the boat because it really wouldn’t change anything unless she were already having doubts, which it doesn’t seem as though she is. I know it sucks! 


Post # 5
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MirandaCharlies:  I would tell just because her knowing the truth is far more important than her hating me for the rest of her life. That however is just me…I would want someone to do that for me and therefore would do that for another person. Are you willing to accept losing her? Is her knowing the truth THAT important?

Good luck 🙁

Post # 6
2878 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t interpret this as hitting on you, I think he was complimenting you, but it also shows that their relationship is not that strong. I mean, if you’re only 1 year into your relationship, and you already have issues with your SO not being the person you would like her to be, that’s not good news, not for now and not in the long run. 


Post # 7
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I wouldn’t tell her. There are situations I would not put a foot in and this is reflective of his immaturity (and she sounds kind of immature too). I don’t think either of them would be mature enough to deal with it if you told her.

Post # 8
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I have to agree with DH.  You could just end up fueling her jealousy, and gets married anyway.  Sometimes you just have to let people make their mistakes.  Had you met him before your cousin fell off the grid?  If so, I’d say she knows.  He has probably made the comments to her, hence why she fell off the grid- Keeping you away from him.   Out of sight, out of mind.  If this is the case, then yes, it’s a horrible disasteraous mistake, but one she has alreadly been planning to make.

Post # 9
422 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

To be honest, it doesn’t make a difference whether you tell her or not. She is marrying him in 3 days, just think about that. I would just keep my mouth shut. If he cheated on her and I knew about it, I would tell her immediately. But in this case, I don’t think it is a big deal. He sounds so immature though, which is reasonable given he is only 20.

Post # 10
906 posts
Busy bee

I would keep my mouth shut unless you have some kind of proof ie tape recording old Skype messages, emails, FB messages, exc that proofs how he really is. If you don’t have any of it then I will keep your mouth shut. If theirs no proof and you tell her you can be stuck into some family drama so no proof don’t tell. 

Post # 12
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I wouldnt say anything, she will as youve said more than likely pick him over you, and then as youve said this will backfire.

He didnt say anything “too” hurtful about her, and had he have, my opinion would probably be different.

My opinion is, stay quiet, but distance yourself from him and his opinions:)

Post # 13
1327 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Honestly I would keep my mouth shut.  There is a pretty good chance that your cousin, this close to the wedding, who is already a bit jealous of you, will not take that news well.  Not that she’ll just be made at you, but that she won’t believe it.  I just don’t think it will do any good.

If this was just a one-off comment and he worded it badly, then it’s not his normal thing and he won’t do it again, they live happily ever after.  If he really is a jerk then she either already knows or will figure it out for herself eventually.  I understand that you want to save her the pain and have her know now, but again there is very little chance that she would actually listen to you now. 


Post # 14
7298 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I wouldn’t say anything and just distance yourself from him. If she’s already jealous of you I highly doubt she’s going to thank you for this information.

Post # 15
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MirandaCharlies:  That is true, only you can decide what you feel is the best thing to do. You don’t have proof and you aren’t likely to change anything so is it SO important that she knows. If it is then tell her but if not then let it go and keep to yourself 🙂 

Post # 16
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@MirandaCharlies:  To be honest, I wouldn’t say anything because I think, with his attitude towards her and their immaturity, this relationship will work itself out.

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