(Closed) Cousins that I never see, but inviting…

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Best thing is to find out her name, but if no one is cooperating, then I think it’s fine to address the STD to “Mr. & Mrs. Jack Black.”

The “proper” thing to do for your 18-yr-old cousin is to send him his own invitation, and a separate one to his brother & sister-in-law at the same address.

Post # 4
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@weeonebride: As the previous poster said, separate invitation for the brother. As for the wife’s name… Check spokeo.com by entering the husband’s name and see if it doesn’t give you her name… Worth a shot!

Post # 5
49 posts
  • Wedding: May 2011

I send an invitation to each family.  So if they are brothers, I would send an invite to each brother addressed Mr. & Mrs. and family regardelss of where they live.  I also went ahead an ivited everyone, so no hard feelings, etc.  After all, it is a wedding, and I want to start my marriage on a happy note with everyone’s blessings and no bad vibes.

Post # 6
1696 posts
Bumble bee

I’m a little on your Dad’s side on this one — but moreso. I actively dislike form-letters for social events. There is, in fact, a correct way to do “save the dates”, and it is this: you think of all the people who are *really* necessary to your enjoying your wedding day. You sit down with a box of pretty note cards, and hand-write each of them a little personal note, like this:

“Dear Grandma,

I have such exciting news for you: David and I are getting married! Of course, we are still planning things, but we have decided to have the wedding on July 17th this year. It just wouldn’t be the same though, if you can’t manage to come. So I wanted to let you know the date at once so that you can plan around it!

Love, weeonebride”

In this case, you just send the note to the cousin you are closest too, and say something like “Of course we will be inviting all three of you, so let Joe and his wife know the date and tell them to expect an invitation!”

Of course, that doesn’t give you the fun of having cute mass-printed cards with your names on them, and it limits you to sending advance warning only the people who matter to you enough to you to be worth the effort of hand-writing. But you can see how much more flexible it is than a mass-mailing of identical cards. So I suggest you use your cute Save-The-Date Cards as if they were note cards, and add a few handwritten words to let complicated households — on their ONE note-card sent to that address –know who can expect an invitation.

Post # 8
1696 posts
Bumble bee

@weeonebride: Do all hundred of your formal and out-of-town invitees actually need to be notified to save the date?

The fact is, that “STDs” are not a correct formal form, so you might limit yourself to just the out-of town invitees who need to book travel arrangements and vacations. And even then, Save-The-Date Cards can come across as importunate. Anyone for whom travel is convenient, actually has enough notice to arrange travel unless they have conflicts. An “STD” implies that you are important enough that they should plan their schedule around your wedding even if there is a possibility that conflicts might arise. And so they should, if you are their grand-daughter or their favourite niece or their best friend since childhood or the future Princess of Wales. But, are you that important to all hundred future guests?

The point of handwriting notes is that they are painstaking, individual and personal. Would your grandma or your best friend since childhood want to find out your plans from a form-letter? Those people will get a personal note, email or phone call anyway. On the other hand, will you really feel that your wedding day is incomplete if your second cousin that you occasionally saw on vacations while growing up, doesn’t manage to get leave on that date? If not, is a Save The Date really necessary?

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