Post # 1
I have a whole side of my family (dads) that propably wont come, but would like to invite just in case. Both me and FH decided on “invite one, invite all” when it comes to 1st cousins, aunts and such, but I have a cousin who is married, living with his younger brother (18+)and they live on the opposite side of the country.
Do I send one for each, or one for both and the wife? Also, I can not for the life of me get ahold of anyone on that side as to the wifes name (and in the back of my mind I think she kept her maiden name) and probably wont until before we send actual invites (my dad doesnt understand Save-The-Date Cards… thinks they are a waste so not motivated to help.. lol), so for the Save-The-Date Cards should I just write “Mr. and Mrs Jack Black….”??
My Future In-Laws are SO proper and know their etiquette but trying to “help” by saying to questions like this “whatever is easiest for you” even though I have heard on here that isnt the right way. They are very nice but think they dont realize cuz my immediate family is WAY laid back, does not mean my extended family is. GRR!!
Post # 3
Best thing is to find out her name, but if no one is cooperating, then I think it’s fine to address the STD to “Mr. & Mrs. Jack Black.”
The “proper” thing to do for your 18-yr-old cousin is to send him his own invitation, and a separate one to his brother & sister-in-law at the same address.
Post # 4
@weeonebride: As the previous poster said, separate invitation for the brother. As for the wife’s name… Check spokeo.com by entering the husband’s name and see if it doesn’t give you her name… Worth a shot!
Post # 5
I send an invitation to each family. So if they are brothers, I would send an invite to each brother addressed Mr. & Mrs. and family regardelss of where they live. I also went ahead an ivited everyone, so no hard feelings, etc. After all, it is a wedding, and I want to start my marriage on a happy note with everyone’s blessings and no bad vibes.
Post # 6
I’m a little on your Dad’s side on this one — but moreso. I actively dislike form-letters for social events. There is, in fact, a correct way to do “save the dates”, and it is this: you think of all the people who are *really* necessary to your enjoying your wedding day. You sit down with a box of pretty note cards, and hand-write each of them a little personal note, like this:
I have such exciting news for you: David and I are getting married! Of course, we are still planning things, but we have decided to have the wedding on July 17th this year. It just wouldn’t be the same though, if you can’t manage to come. So I wanted to let you know the date at once so that you can plan around it!
In this case, you just send the note to the cousin you are closest too, and say something like “Of course we will be inviting all three of you, so let Joe and his wife know the date and tell them to expect an invitation!”
Of course, that doesn’t give you the fun of having cute mass-printed cards with your names on them, and it limits you to sending advance warning only the people who matter to you enough to you to be worth the effort of hand-writing. But you can see how much more flexible it is than a mass-mailing of identical cards. So I suggest you use your cute Save-The-Date Cards as if they were note cards, and add a few handwritten words to let complicated households — on their ONE note-card sent to that address –know who can expect an invitation.
Post # 7
Thank you!! I will try spokeo… I never even thought about even though I have used the site other times.
I think I will send two. I understand why, I just guess I was thinking one would cover my butt that I dont even know my own cousins’ wifes name.. lol
aspasia475– we have 100 Save-The-Date Cards to send out, and those are just the Out of Town and formal side, so with my life style I can not hand write that many (Wish my 3 yr old could write them while her 1 yr old brother licked the stamps but my mom thinks thats child labor..) nor would my dad think that was any better, in fact he would be annoyed even more. To be honest he just wishes I could email everyone, have about 50 guests,have everyone in jeans and t-shirts and call is done. lol. Which is great for others but Future In-Laws are very religious and formal.
Post # 8
@weeonebride: Do all hundred of your formal and out-of-town invitees actually need to be notified to save the date?
The fact is, that “STDs” are not a correct formal form, so you might limit yourself to just the out-of town invitees who need to book travel arrangements and vacations. And even then, Save-The-Date Cards can come across as importunate. Anyone for whom travel is convenient, actually has enough notice to arrange travel unless they have conflicts. An “STD” implies that you are important enough that they should plan their schedule around your wedding even if there is a possibility that conflicts might arise. And so they should, if you are their grand-daughter or their favourite niece or their best friend since childhood or the future Princess of Wales. But, are you that important to all hundred future guests?
The point of handwriting notes is that they are painstaking, individual and personal. Would your grandma or your best friend since childhood want to find out your plans from a form-letter? Those people will get a personal note, email or phone call anyway. On the other hand, will you really feel that your wedding day is incomplete if your second cousin that you occasionally saw on vacations while growing up, doesn’t manage to get leave on that date? If not, is a Save The Date really necessary?
Post # 9
Yes, 100 are Out of Town , out of our 200 wedding, and my Future In-Laws side it is an expected mail out to them. Both sides are very likely to need to arrange travel, and VERY likely to come. I have 4 families on my side, two out of country, and my step mothers family consider this a very important event in my life, and culturally if I dont invite them all, I will be slapped in the back of the head by my step mom.. lol… she is Thai, and they live all over USA Europe and Thailand. THen there is my english family on my step dads side. WHats funny is my maternal and paternal side no one will probably show for varrious reasons, but would hurt my mother if I didnt include them on every send out, and even though my dad doesnt care if they come, I am not going to exclude his side because of it. Then there is my Future In-Laws who need make arrangements so they can come, as they are tight knit, and this is to them an important wedding. Not because its my wedding but the head of the family, my FH grandmother, is turning 90 soon before, and we are using it in part as a family reunion.
I am not being lazy as you are implying, in fact I am doing everything myself, on a budget, but want to do it right for the things I can do. I was just asking what the correct thing to be as many do on here. I have a life outside of the wedding I can not take anymore attention away than I have to. I have small kids, and although I would like to be as ettiquette as I can, hand written notes are not a luxury I have.