Post # 1
So last October 20, 2012 I got engaged to the love of my life. We planned a long engagement because I was fresh out of nursing school and still looking for a job. That January we booked our church and reception hall for Nov. 14, 2014. Everything was going perfectly.
Cut to October 2013… My cousin and groomsmen announces his engagement to his long term girlfriend. I couldn’t be more thrilled. I was so excited to have another engaged couple to share wedding ideas with. Unfortunately this is where things get hairy. Only one week after my cousin gets engaged he messages me on Facebook to tell me that “unfortunately” they had to chose only 4 weeks before my wedding as their date. I was so upset I cried. They had literally just gotten engaged and they had ample time notice on when the date of my wedding was going to be. We are really close and I just feel that this is going to take away from each of our weddings, as we share the same relatives. I had even moved the date of my wedding from Nov. 7 2014 to the 14th because he would not be able to be in my wedding on the 7th! I am completely disheartened and sad about this. I also thought it was extremely rude to message me on Facebook being that we are close and he could have called me or at least sent me a text. Anyway this is now causing tons of animosity and family drama. Am I wrong to be upset about this? I can’t help but to take this personally. I need advice!
Post # 3
@bhamps: I can get what you feel this way. It is normal to feel hurt and upset! But I wouldn’t go straight to thinking it is personal.
You had a long time to pick a date and venue, because you wanted a long engagement. Maybe they didn’t wanted to wait very long and that date was the one that worked.
I am just saying that there might be actual non-mean reasons for them to choose that date. I am sure everything will work, your family is your family! They’ll be there.
I don’t think a month is too close! It’s fine!
Post # 4
@bhamps: I don’t understand why you are so upset. It’s a full month before yours. How will it conflict?
Post # 5
@bhamps: ….this is not something worth getting upset over, and there are thousands of posts on the Bee that almost read verbatim to yours. I am sorry this has brought you to tears, but everyone has to get married their way, on their timeline, regardless of who is engaged or getting married around the same time….
Put yourself in their shoes, if you found the perfect place, in your budget and all the timing lined up, wouldn’t it suck to have to pass on it because a cousin was getting married a month later? That makes no sense, one has nothing to do with the other.
Find yourself a fabulous outfit with amazing shoes and dance the night away at your cousins wedding!
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
Are your relatives going to be required to travel long distances between the two weddings? I get how you might be disappointed that you’ll be essentially “sharing” the spotlight (don’t even want to hear anyone say YOU ONLY GET ONE DAY), because honestly, I would be disappointed at this too!!
At any rate, the reality of it is I feel as though there is enough time in between the two dates that your relatives will not be comparing one wedding to another, nor will they be any less excited for one or the other.
I don’t think it really matters that he FB messaged you their date. I don’t feel like that’s super important information, really… I could understand if he FB messaged you that he got engaged, but that they set a date? Not too important IMO. I wouldn’t be upset about that part. The logical side of me also says not to be upset about the date so close to yours – but then my irrational side says ba humbug!!!!!
Post # 7
@MexiPino: Idk maybe I am selfish it just feels like its impeding on my time to be a bride. I feel like everything from the bridal shower to my bach party will have to revolve around when my cousins fiance is having her stuff. Also I am hurt that they have actually asked several of the people who have committed to being in my wedding to be in theirs as well. I am probably being a selfish baby but I just can’t help but to be hurt.
Post # 8
4 weeks? What’s the big deal?
Post # 9
@bhamps: Well…how much time do you need? Maybe instead of focusing on what you aren’t going to get…you make a list of the bridal things and experiences you’re really looking forward to and make an effort to ensure those things happen.
Post # 10
@bhamps: Someone did this to us, only the week before our wedding. It’s tacky and obnoxious but gives you a chance to be classy and the bigger person!
Post # 11
@Nona99: thanks you are right. I am just having a bratty moment. I just was not anticipating sharing this time with anyone. Both weddings will be beautiful I just have to get over it and move on.
Post # 12
- Wedding: August 2014 - South Bonson Pier & Community Centre
@bhamps: My BM/cousin got engaged this year (2013) while FH and I got engaged the year before (2012) and both our weddings will be within a month and a half. When would you feel would be a more appropriate time for them to get married? 2015?
Post # 13
This doesn’t have to be a big deal.
You had your reasons for picking your date and I’m sure they had their reasons for picking their date. They are both likely valid reasons. They didn’t pick their date to piss you off. It’s because that’s what worked for their schedule/family/friends/etc.
There is no reason that this needs to “take away” from either wedding. Seriously. There’s enough excitement and happiness to go around.
I was actually in a very similar situation with my sister and it worked out great! We had a long engagement, she had a short one. We had our date set when she got engaged. I asked that she set ehr wedding for a different weekend. Our parents asked for a month buffer. She ended up getting married 6 weeks before me. And it was great. We got to do wedding stress venting to each other. We helped each other set up. We both had a fantastic time at the other’s wedding and at our own. Our families had a great time at both weddings. We even used the same votive holders in our centerpieces. Honestly it wasn’t a problem at all.
You picked your date. They picked theirs. Now all you can do is decide how you’re going to react. I would encourage you to not let this bother you. Don’t worry about spotlights. Just be excited for your wedding and supportive of their wedding and it’ll all work out just fine!
Post # 14
@bhamps: Its a whole month – not a week before. Also, he is just a cousin, you have one whole side of the family that is not even related to him (plus friends who don’t even know him)
Post # 16
@bhamps: I’m glad you seem to be doing a bit better now.
My older sister got engaged 4 years ago and will be married next fall. I just got engaged and my father requested we wait until 2015 to get married. . . which was our plan anyway. My sister had the opposite reaction you intially did though; she actually got angry that our dad would ask that and suggested that we get married the same weekend. Lol!
I’m sure everything will work out fine. Focus on planning your wedding and being happy for your cousin. You can always check and see what weekends they may be doing wedding stuff and then just schedule on a different weekend (or you can always let them know your plans and hope they do the same). This can be a really fun time for all of you, so do your best to enjoy it.