Post # 1
So my cousin(boy) is getting married at the end of May. I just recieved my invitation… rather my mom just got an invitation for my parents, me, my two sisters, and brother (so just my immediate family.)
The problem. My fiance was not invited. We are getting married about a year after my cousin in May 2011. He (and his fiance) are well aware that we are engaged. His fiance and her mother were primarily in charge of invitations, (and I heard form a little bird (my aunt) that they were being particularly stingy with them.)
Can I say something to him about it? My mom and fiance are pretty upset about it, but I’m trying to play it cool. I don’t want to create unnecessary drama! I am having a small wedding (100 people max due to size limitations) and would hate to be getting a million calls lasking why so-and-so can’t bring a +1
I just need some advice on if I should even say anything, AND if I should, what should I say?
oh and generally, we were pretty close growing up, although he moved to AZ a few years ago. Additionally, my sister and I haven’t lived at home for several years now( i’m 23 and in grad school), so shouldn’t we have gotten our own invites anyway?
Post # 3
If you’re no longer living at home, then yes, you should have received an invite. I think that you have a good reason to ask why your fiance wasn’t invited, and I think you should do it directly, not ask your mom to ask your aunt to ask your cousin. Just straight up ask him “Why was my fiance not invited as well? We’re not just dating, we’re going to be married. Are you only allowing married couples?” The worst that can happen is he doesn’t invite your FI. In which case you can choose to attend or not. Since your FI is so upset about it, I would recommend declining the invitation if your cousin doesn’t extend the invitation. Better to have drama between you and a cousin than you and your FI!
Post # 4
I agree with MightySapphire. Just tell your cousin that you really want to come to the wedding, but you won’t come without your fiance. If it’s important that you’re there, they’ll make the concession. Maybe it was an oversight. Maybe his fiance’s mom did most of the work and I’d guess she doesn’t know your family. Try not to take an accusatory tone with your cousin, you don’t want any bad blood for no reason. Just ask if there was a reason your fiance wasn’t included on the invite. Don’t get mad without finding out what really happened first. Sounds like it could have very easily been unintentional.
Post # 5
I would talk to your cousin about it also. It’s not just some random guy you are dating it is your future husband. I would also decline to come if they said no too and tell them your not comfortable with going without your other half.
You definitely should have gotten your own invite. Technically if your 18 and even living with your parents you should still get a invite of your own. It seems they put you with your parents to avoid you asking about a plus one.
I would definitely bring this up to your cousin.
Post # 6
I was thinking that it was non intentional too BrideMegan! Thanks to both of you for the advice!
Post # 7
Maybe they’re trying to keep things small like you are and therefore don’t have room for plus ones? Andy maybe they’re being stingy with the invitations because they are pretty expensive? If they send one invitation per family, that could save them some serious cash! Personally, I would still go. At my wedding we can only have 100 guests we want to invite family and close friends rather than cut the friend invites so that we can provide plus ones for family members who will already know plenty of people there.
Post # 8
I think it sounds like your cousin wants to include your family, but may not have room for all the plus ones. They may not be including any unmarried couples or it may be an accidental oh we forgot to invite him or even a we are sending him his own invitation because he lives somewhere else. I think you should go to the wedding and not consider it a slight if your fiance isn’t included because you aren’t married yet… Or have your mom gently ask if he was missed… but don’t be fully offended, because as Wedding bee often shares the numbers game of the guest list is sometimes a careful balance. Your cousin’s guest list may be so limited because adding fiances will add 10 or 15 guests that they don’t have room for…
Post # 9
Is it possible (boy) cousin didn’t really work on the invite list, so he may not have realized your invite was being sent in that manner and not inviting your FI? Just thinking maybe his own fiance, if she was in charge of the list, missed that detail. Hard to keep everything straight!
Post # 10
I would not personally say anything. Together he and his fiance made a decision on who they could invite and you can either accept their invitation or decline the invitation as it was offered. You are family so of course there are sensitivities, but I think need to respect their decision as a decision and not an oversight. We all know how calculated guest lists are since we are working on our own.
Post # 11
It wouldn’t hurt to ask your cousin to confirm whether or not your FI is invited or not. Just bring it up really casually… just say something like, “Hey, the invitation wasn’t really clear and I’m confused as to who’s invited in the family. Can you tell me if my FI was included in the family invitation?”
If FI isn’t invited, don’t give your cousin too much grief about it… who knows what kind of guests restrictions they had. Just try your best to move on and be supportive of your cousin’s wedding.
My FI was the officient/best man at one of his really good friend’s wedding and I was not invited. The wedding was very small and only immediate family, their spouses and children, parents, one business asociate and my FI were invited. The business associates wife and family as well as myself were not included. I didn’t really get offended over it and understood that the bride and groom had limitations. Although it sucks to be left out it is what it is. To add to the situation, their wedding fell on my birthday weekend. 🙂 My FI stayed for their wedding while me and my girlfriends took a roadtrip to LA.
Post # 12
i found this thread by searching Google for this same topic. . .i think it is VERY offensive not to invite fiancees! my fiancee just got an invitation for his cousin’s wedding (we are getting married a month after them) and it was just addressed to my FI and the inner envelope said ‘FI and guest’. . .and I actually found this offensive. i cannot imagine my cousin not inviting my fiancee to a wedding. . .that is a great way IMO to say ‘nope, we don’t see you as part of the family’.