Post # 1
I need some advice!!
My cousin is getting married at the end of May in Canada, an 8 hour drive or $250 airplane ticket, from my house. The problem is that I’ll be starting the really intense Bar review course that week – so I have class every day from 9-1:30, plus homework afterwards. Also, my fiance isn’t sure he can take off a day of work to drive. We can’t really fly because that’ll be $500 just in airfare, plus the airport is an $80 cab ride away from the town. In addition to the gift, we just don’t have $1000 to spend on his wedding since we’re saving every penny we can for our own.
I feel really bad not going though – especially because I’m asking him to come down for my wedding in NYC in February. Though I sincerely doubt that he’s going to come to mine (his sister, who I was a bridesmaid for and who has declined to be a bridesmaid for me, has indicated that it’s a hard time to travel and she’s not even sure she can make it, which will make it even harder for her brother who lives 4 hours away from her).
What do you ladies think? I’m having a really hard time deciding!
Post # 3
It really depends on how close you are to your cousin and if every other cousin and family member will be there except for you. At the very least, I think it’s okay for you to attend and your fiance to stay behind – I think people will understand that given the economy, only one of you could afford to travel.
Have you asked your parents or other cousins if they are attending?
Post # 4
I’m in a somewhat position as yourself, well not to the extreme. I have cousins who I barely know but would still like to attend their weddings this fall. Problem? Both of the weddings fall close to my other side of the family’s surprise celebration for my grandpa’s 80th birthday. I also don’t have the money to take off work, get a hotel, gift, outfit, you name it and drive the 5 1/2 hours to get there. There aren’t any airports nearby that are cheap because it’s in Western Kansas.
I also have a problem with the fact that NONE of our cousins attempted to come to my sister’s wedding. None. My brother, sister I are the only ones in the family who don’t live within 10 minutes of the family farm like the rest of the cousins. They don’t consider that we drive that far to see everyone for the holidays either. I guess I’m mean, idk.
I say don’t go. You have extremely important issues on your end of this to take care of and if they can’t understand that you have a bar review course going on that’s important then forget them.
Post # 5
I voted you don’t have to.
It depends on the cost and how close you are to your cousin. And you can still invite him to yours. My FI has a cousin who is getting married in August. I’ve posted on this previously, from the angle of them making it hard for guests to come. Not only would we have to travel by air, but then we’d have to rent a car to drive 100 miles away to where this remote location actually is. But we’re still inviting him to ours (which would also be travel)… and if things work out, I’ll be happy to attend the other wedding.
People are pretty understanding about the costs associated with traveling for weddings and other personal obligations like your exam when the wedding isn’t just the one evening.
If you are close to your cousin like a sibling, or just want to go, then you should try to make it happen, but it’s not worth stressing over. Just send a nice gift and show interest in their day!
Post # 6
I would say don’t go. I’m sure that the Bar review course is going to be exhausting to begin with and that added to the stress of spending money you can’t afford to doesn’t sound worth it to me. I’m sure your cousin will understand and not be too upset with you, as you wouldn’t with him. Good luck!
Post # 7
@ Emillee: All of my other cousins live in the town where the wedding is taking place – it’s just really my brother, my Mom and I who live in the United States. My brother and his girlfriend are going, but they both have good jobs and can afford the airfare and the time off. My fiance has a good job, but its just enough for us to live on and to pay for our wedding, we don’t have any extra money.
Also, the big thing is that I have my Bar review course, which is a huge deal. I know that i won’t be studying non-stop for 8 weeks, but I also know that I have to put in a significant amount of time every day for it and that is something that I CANNOT compromise (after all, my future career hinges on it).
Post # 8
If you don’t have either the time or money then don’t feel pressured to go, it would be worse to spend all that time & money (which you don’t have) and regret it in the end… send as nice a gift as you’re able and wish them the best!
Post # 9
You really don’t have the time or money to go, it’s not worth being stressed out about it. I’m that type of personality (worrying about everyone else but yourself in these situations) and I’m stressed out for you! Yes, it sucks you can’t go, but you have valid reasons. If you really feel horrible, send a beautiful card with a hand written note saying how much you wish you could have came and that you wish them both all the best and that you can’t wait to see pictures. You can also ship a gift if you’d like, but you’re not required to. Good luck with the Bar!