Post # 1
Hey Bees! So the other day we were at a family birthday party and my cousin’s wife (whom I’m not the most fond of) asked if they could also bring someone else to the wedding?
SIDE NOTE about this girl- she married my cousin at a courthouse, the girl doesnt have much family at all so ours took her in- but she kinda oversteps it sometimes. She had her daughter when she was 21 (her daughter is 11days younger than mine) then 14mo and 14 days later she had her son. Now neither my cousin or her work, the live on wellfare and when they had both kids they lived with his mom. Now a mutual friend is letting them “rent” one of his rentals. When I say they dont work they do it out of choice. Neither can or will hold a job. REcently she has been rude to me (I think out of jealousy bc my FI is very frugal with money and he got us a nicer house, I have a nice ring etc…. which I am thankful for everythign he does but she doesnt have ANY of that and she is young with 2 kids so close in age and has no mother to help her… so I TRY to be understanding except when she is on FBOOK telling the world how horrible her kdis are, can she give them back, she hates being a mother etc.) So we arent that close and she has said some pretty nasty things lately after I took up for her kids and said it looks bad to say the things about your kids you do ONLINE… TRYING TO HELP HER! (this was after she said she was going to lock her kids in a closet for day!
Ok so… I asked her what she meant by can she invite someone else… she said “well we are taking our Income Tax Money (whats left because part was spent on a concert and a baseball game) and we are going to Florida the week after your wedding. We dont want to have to watch the kids while we are in Florida so we are asking my 13yr old cousin to come along and watch the kids while we go out to the clubs (the kids are 3 & almost 2)… but we need to bring my cousin with us to the wedding” Now I have never met this cousin of hers! And Im bad about thinking if you are about to get cars reposessed, your living on foodstamps and you buy your kids NOTHING- why not use that income tax money to catch up on bills, get your kids something, pay bills ahead to help yourself… etc?!?!?! Why take them on a vacation that you dont plan on spending with them anyways?!?! But thats my view…. so my question
How should I address the request for her to bring someone else! That would make My Cousin, Her, both kids, and this cousin!!!!!!!!! The kids are going to be a handful enough! I LOVE LOVE LOVE them but their parents do NOT watch them at all! I feel so bad for those babies!
Post # 3
@emersynsmommy35: Are the kids invited to the wedding?
I’d just say I’m really sorry but we do not have space to add any additional people. We hope you can still make it.
Post # 4
I would tell them that unfortunately you can not allow her to bring additional guest. Budget limitations.
Now, my bestie had ppl just show up even after she explained the budget situation. Since it was destination and easy to drive to, ppl just decided to show up. So be prepared for anything. Just make sure to have a couple of spaces open if this occurred.
Good Luck and don’t let it stress you too much:)
Post # 5
I feel very sorry for you.
Honestly, I would say don’t even invite them all.
I am awful
Post # 6
@melynn44: Its just hard because I understand that she doesnt have much and that she is probably feeling like she has no where to go (because of the money situation they have put themselves in) and I dont know what it feels like to hit complete bottom; but I think she has and I dont want to be mean back to her but I have NO idea who this person is, we are tight on space and already told FI parents that they couldnt invite people we dont know so how could I let her do it ??? UGH
Post # 7
Just out of curiosity, how do they have income tax money if they don’t have an income?
Post # 8
@AprilJo2011: because their income is from the state AND they have two kids. At least, that’s my take on it from what I’ve seen of the tax forms. I have a CPA doing my taxes, but at the same time, I also like looking over the confusing-as-hell (at least for me) form and there is a place on there for that.
Post # 9
So rude. Just sweetly state that the guest list has already been made and there will be no changes made. Then you can say that if she needs to change her RSVP status so that she can better care for her children, you completely understand.
Post # 10
@Zinzerena: Ah, ok. Thanks! I didn’t know you would actually get money back on your tax return when you live on wellfare. Seems counter intuitive to withhold too much on wellfare.
Post # 11
Just tell her, I’m sorry, we can’t accommodate extra guests. End of story, no explanation needed. You don’t need to justify your reasoning to her. If she presses you for Why not, just tell her you have budget and space restrictions.
Post # 12
@AprilJo2011: np! from what I understand, they still take taxes out of the wellfare checks. So if they make more than x-amount, they have to report it. weird, dumb, and it makes no sense, but whatever.
@emersynsmommy35: I completely understand where you’re coming from and how you feel. 🙁 I’d feel sorry for the kids’ too!!! I agree with the others, just tell her no +1.
soooo sorry you have to go through this!!!
Post # 13
@AprilJo2011: well they work for like a couple weeks then lose or quit their jobs… and do that on and off all year. So they do get a little income, just enough to get the Earned Income Tax Credit AND then they get a huge amount per kid also – i dont know exactly how much they got but I know that a friend in a similar situation got about $7000 back last year! Its Crazy
Thanks so much ladies!
Post # 14
Umm wow. I don’t think that whole side note was needed to talk about this +1 situation though LOL, but if you not comfortable with it then say no, end of story.