Post # 1
This is a situation which has not improved and so I am seeking advice from you. Basically, a coworker who I have considered a friend for the past few years recently has turned so bitter/competitive/jealous towards others in our office. No matter our conversation, it somehow ALWAYS turns into something about who she hates at the office or what she believes is unfair (such as someone being paid more/or being able to work from home while she can’t). She genuinly gets angry and if I don’t agree with her she gets SO mad that she’s impossible to talk to. I have tried to change the subject but she ALWAYS comes back to it. It is getting to the point where I feel that she is also bitter towards me because she makes comments about my nice office and how great it is I have a window…bla bla bla. And she is the same person who told me that another coworker thinks I’m arrogant–so I am becoming suspicious that maybe she made this stuff up?
At any rate, I honestly have had enough of her negative energy but I dont know how to handle the situation since we are supposedly also friends–so how can I distance myself from her slowly?
Post # 3
If she is your friend, then you should be honest with her and tell her how you’re feeling. Maybe ask her what’s going on in her life because maybe something changed in her life and is taking it out on everyone else. You need to at least try to set her straight because if she’s talking smack about other co-workers, she more likely talking smack about you to others. I know a lot if people don’t like to confront others and be honest, they would rather take the easy way out and avoid the situation. But if you start distancing yourself from her without an explanation, then the way she’s acting right now, sounds like she’ll turn on you and start bad mouthing to others about you. And it’s your work place. The last place you want to have problems at. I hate drama at the work place. Adds on more stress than your actual work. Lol
Post # 4
Slowly distance yourself. I had a friend/coworker go all passive aggressive on me and do the same thing pretty much. Luckily my coworker finally found a new job. It was a really shitty thing to go through… but I learned a valuable lesson about who I get close to at work!
Post # 5
Hmm. I’m gonna offer a more subtle approach. If you want to distance yourself but not confront her directly, the next time that she comes to you to strike up a conversation, say something like “Hey, I’m sorry, I can’t talk right now. I just have a mountain of paperwork to deal with.”
Then make your exit. Keep doing this until she stops coming to you.
Post # 6
SInce she’s a friend, take her crazy and ask her why she doesn’t look elsewhere. She’s obviously unhappy where she works and her job. Maybe it’s time for her to move on somewhere that she’d be happier?
If she’s not a friend, or if you aren’t interested in staying friends, definitely distance yourself.
Post # 7
@LadyBlackheart: that’s what I would do too! It doesn’t seem like be too direct with her would simmer her down, I think it would start a mini riot seeing that see is so angry.
Post # 8
@lina010: Exactly. I actually asked her “why are you so upset, what’s going on?” and she got so mad she raised her voice and said she couldnt believe I have to ask her that and she accused me of only seeing things from my own perspective and not seeing how unfair our workplace is in terms of favorable treatment towards some and not others.
She is wrong. We work for the government and I can say that the employees at our agency are the happiest I’ve seen based on anywhere else I have worked. We have flexible hours and nobody hovers over us. She’s just mad because some people get to work from home since they have children–well I think that is justified (and no I’m not one of those people who works from home since I don’t have kids). But I think that’s a great thing that is offered here and ever since I have expressed that opinion She has become SO aggressive towars me. Anyway, that’s just one of the many things she complains about.
I think I do have to take the subtle route here…since she is really getting worse each day if confronted.
Post # 9
Hmm, I can understand why she would be pissed off at the policy.
The option to work from home should be available to ALL employees, not just those with children. It does smack of favouritism.
The way she’s going about expressing it is completely wrong though. She shouldn’t be constantly mentioning it to you. I’d advise her to raise her complaint at the policy with HR if she is that bothered by it.