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if you hang out with them outside of work, invite them.
work showers are not normal showers. imo, the rules don't apply. i think most people expect not to be invited; they just throw a shower as a courtesy to recognize your life milestone.
I think it's ok to invite some people you work with and not everybody. I'm inviting my manager (we get along really well and have been trading wedding advice) but nobody else on my team.
I agree with @kitzy: re work showers. We throw showers for colleagues all the time with no expectation to be invited to the wedding.
I don't think you should feel obligated to invite them if they throw you a shower. Thats a nice gesture on their part but I think its fairly common with friendly work environments to do that for co-workers.
In fact, i don't think you ever have to feel obligated to invite co-workers. I personally like to have separate work and personal life and my wedding is definetely on the persomal life side.
No absolutely not, it's not obligatatory to invite coworkers even if they do throw you a shower, however if you hang out with them after work and weekends and they are good friends then that's different.
If they ask about it, tell them that you are having a small intimate wedding with just close family and friends. It's expensive to add extra people so don't feel bad if they aren't invited.
@cpa... - I, too, work in the schools. It is pretty common for teammates/mentors to throw a shower for you. Don't feel obligated to invite them because of this "trend". I, would, however, keep your close teammates and administrators in mind if you have several regrets.
i invited a few people from work. my dept is very small (presales). just me and another guy. i invited him and his wife. my boss and his wife and the postsals boss and his wife. (i knew both bosses prior to getting a job here) i've been here for 3 years so i have made alot of friends - i wish i could have invited more but my guest list didnt allow for it. i dont think others were offended - i think people understand you cant invite EVERYONE.
This is something we are struggling with... My FI and I work for the same, small (130 employees), family owned company... Sometimes, its like a high school, so many people are all up in our business, especially ever since we started dating. To make matters worse, the vice president's son got married last year to another co-worker's daughter and half the company was invited. It semi-feels like people expect the same from us, which is not going to happen. LOTS of our co-workers come up to us and say they can't wait for the wedding... Well... You're not invited to the wedding...
We have a list of co-workers we wouldn't mind having at the wedding if we had room, but we are waiting until about 6 weeks before hand to send their invitations... Reason being, some of them may leave before our wedding and chances are pretty good, we'd never hear from them again if they did leave.
Bottom line: don't feel obligated to invite them. Those who have recent experience with planning their wedding or a child's wedding in the day and age will understand. Others will understand eventually. The other people have nothing better to do than to be upset about everything. :)
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My secong etiquette related question.
This has been my first year teaching at a middle school, so I have known my administrators and a few teachers since this past August. I had not planned on inviting them to our wedding because of room in the guest list. Recently though, two of my coworkers (who were set up as my "mentors" when I began) mentioned wanting to throw me a shower at work. Would it be rude to then not invite at least my mentors and administrators to the wedding then?
Let me know what you think. Thanks!