Post # 1
I got an invitation to a coworkers baby shower today That is October 5. We are teachers in the same building. There are a few reasons I don’t want to go:
1) I don’t particularly like this woman. We are civil now, but had a blow up 2-3 years ago (she told my whole department, my department chair, my assistant principal and my principal that I was bad at my job, not doing what I was supposed to, and that they should take the classes away from me and give them to her). We didn’t really speak for about a year. Now we’re civil, say hi, whatnot, but we are not friends.
2) this is the main reason – I had a miscarriage the first week of August. I’m not sure I can go to any baby shower right now and be genuinely happy. I’m doing ok with dealing with the MC, but its still upsetting and sad and celebrating someone else’s baby would just be really hard (if not impossible).
So – can I not go? The host is a very good friend so I could tell her about the MC and she would totally understand why I couldn’t face a baby shower.
Post # 3
@Glasgowbound: You don’t have to tell anybody anything, RSVP “No” with regrets of course, and send a lovely gift….it shows that you’re the bigger person AND you avoid that game where they make people taste baby food—bleh!
Post # 4
I probably wouldn’t go but would send a gift. Then you don’t have to deal with her or the painful feelings that will probably arise being at someone else’s baby shower, but you are still wishing her and her new baby well with a gift, even a small one. 🙂
Post # 5
You don’t have to go OR give a gift. I’m sure that, given your history together, if she even notices that you aren’t there she won’t spare a single second wondering why!
Post # 6
i wouldn’t go, but i would send a small gift or maybe a gift card to where ever she is registered
Post # 7
@Glasgowbound: Co-workers are not friends, unless they become/are friends outside of work. Don’t go, don’t send a gift.
Post # 8
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@Glasgowbound: Skip it and sent a simple onesie or something small off her registry (especially if most of your school or department is attending.) I attended a shower shortly after my MC and it was awful. I was able to keep it together but I immediately went home and had a breakdown afterwards. I agree with Nona to be the bigger person and send a gift so there are no hard feelings.
Post # 9
If it were me I would not go given your history with her and your delicate feelings because of the MC. I probably wouldn’t send a gift if I wasnt going because we arent close.
Post # 10
I would decline the invite and just send a card or a very small gift if it were me
Post # 11
I might send a card/stuffed animal/something $10, but I definitely wouldn’t go.
I’m so sorry for your loss!
Post # 12
@Glasgowbound: you definitely don’t have to go! It is an invite not a summons! And don’t feel the need to give any excuse to anyone beyond you are not available.
send your regrets and a small gift if you want, but it is not necessary.
I am sorry for your loss. It is such a painful thing and it can take a while to be up for other’s babies.
Post # 13
@Glasgowbound: Don’t go if you’re afraid it could trigger you, and just send your best wishes and/or a gift.
Post # 14
@Glasgowbound: A lovely card and a gift would be more than enough. Do you want people at your parties that are sad to be there and don’t really like you? My guess is that you’d rather they stay home and she probably feels the same way. I am sorry to hear about your loss.