Post # 1
I’m having a wedding, targeting 50 to 60 guests at a US destination. Coworkers will have to buy a $500+ plane ticket and spend $100+ on hotel to attend wedding, and give up their weekend obviously.
Given the size of my wedding, and that it’s a US destination wedding, who would you invite?
The categories of coworkers in my mind are superiors, peers, ppl I supervise, and then coworkers I’d talk to if i leave, and then coworkers i’d actually hang out with if I leave.
Post # 3
@vegas: Do you normally hang out with coworkers in non-work situations?
Post # 4
@peachacid: I mean, I’ve been to some’s bday parties, etc. But those are always local, etc.
I’m afraid of sending invitations and it looking like i’m just fishing for gifts. I’m mostly afraid of this cause it will cost them 600+ to attend, 1200+ if they have a +1.
Most won’t have issues affording it. It’s just, even for me, I know I wouldn’t do this unless it’s family or close friends.
Post # 5
@vegas: If you don’t hang out with them, then don’t invite them to your wedding.
Post # 6
If I didn’t socialize with them outside of the workplace, I would not invite them.
Post # 7
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@julies1949: Ditto. Co-workers are just co-workers unless you hang out with them outside of work often enough to consider them friends. It’s best not to invite any of them imo so that the left out co-workers aren’t upset with you for not inviting them.
Post # 8
I agree – I think that unless you are good friends outside of work, don’t invite them.
Post # 9
I’ll echo PP’s. Your wedding is not a political affair; it’s an intimate one. Only invite those who you actually consider to be friends outside of work.
I invited one co-worker; but we are extremely close friends who just happen to work together.
Post # 10
@vegas: Since your wedding is so small, and destination, I wouldn’t feel obligated to invite any coworkers. Unless you are good friends outside of work, then I would invite on a case by case.
Post # 11
Etiquette Snob here… lol
From a Traditional Etiquette POV you have no obligation to invite Coworkers. Infact it is highly encouraged that you keep your Personal Life & Work Life extremely seperate. Too much personal info filtering into your work life is never a good thing (people unfortunately cannot forget what they hear or see, so they will judge you, and your career because of it)
Been there, done that… learned the hard way
In truth, when we leave a job in life, we usually leave our Coworkers behind… so that clearly shows they are not valued friends.
Don’t confuse the difference.
Hope this helps,
PS… Destination Wedding that requires airfare and I’d Invite NONE OF THEM… they may find you rather presumptuous / uppity to think that anyone should make such a large personal sacrifice to go. And that will just be a start to bad office gossip.
Post # 12
we are having a destination wedding as well… capped it at 100 guests bc of the venue. that being said– fiance and i agreed to not invite any co-workers… unless of course you hang out with them all the time (in our case we don’t hang out with coworkers outside of work setting much)
Post # 13
@This Time Round: About half of what you said is based on personal experience and not necessarily real etiquette rules. Some people meet their spouses at work, resulting in happy marriages. That is SOMETHING good that has come from people mixing their work life with their personal life.
I agree with PPs, only invite them if they are your friends outside of work. Also consider if you’d be willing to pay $600+ to attend their wedding if that was the case!!
Post # 14
@This Time Round: and also, all of my good friends I have met at previous jobs. And we have been friends for years after leaving the job!
Post # 15
@highschoolhoneys: True, there is nothing wrong with meeting one’s Spouse at work… it happens.
BUT there is also a significant risk that is invovled with Dating at Work… that is a whole other issue. One that is well documented by many Etiquette Experts, most say DON’T… others say understand the risk involved (more than likely one of you is going to end up losing your job or having to look for another if things don’t work out)
The rest of what I have writtten above… is not just “my opinion” or based on my experience, as you have claimed (altho I will say YES at my age there is some truth in that … as I said, been there, done that… learned the lessson)
BUT it is also advise that is based on Traditional Etiquette… not modern etiquette. And because of yes the lessons I have learned in life, this is the reason I have presented here (if you follow any of my posts on Etiquette on WBee you’ll see I am a BIG proponent of Traditional Etiquette over Modern… because I believe the boundaries are more clearly drawn so fewer feelings are hurt which I find to be more considerate for all parties involved)
I quote from Emily Post:
Even when your Coworkers are your friends, keep discussions of personal matters out of the office; you can share them outside without alerting the entire staff. Professionalism leads to promotion, and nothing is less professional than bringing your personal life to work.
From Getting Ahead in Business… Things to Avoid.