(Closed) Coworkers on the Guest List?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

In my office there are about 6 of us and I only invited 2 of my coworkers and my manager and she declined which I was excited about.   All I can say is don’t talk about your wedding at work which sucks because it’s an exciting time.   You can answer questions but bringing up on your own and then not inviting them. I think will cause some hurt feelings if they haven’t planned a wedding of their own and know the cost.

I’ve only had a few people around me get married and I was invited to all of their  weddings.  But after planning mine, I wouldn’t be offended if someone didn’t invite me to theirs.  This shit is a lot of money!

Post # 4
Member
9057 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@eam253:  I work in a police station which is kinda similar in that there’s 100 of us on all different shifts that all overlap and work together/are friendly. Worse, dh and I work together so everybody knows both of us. We only invited about 10 people from work to our wedding though. We just were pretty brutal about who we actually hang out with on our own time and limiting the invites to those people.  People really did understand!

ETA: maybe a BIT easier because most of my coworkers are male so (stereotypically) we didn’t have too many people that asked about all the details and plans and Ended up all awkward. 

Post # 5
Member
3640 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

This is the rule I think that people should go buy with co-workers:

  1. Do you hang out with them socially? Not after-work drinks but for birthdays etc?

  1. No? Don’t invite them!
     

  • Do you see yourself being friends once you leave that workplace?
    1. No? Don’t invite them!
       

  • If you really only want X,Y and Z people, would you have to invite A, B and C too? 
    1. Yes? Don’t invite them!

    Do you still want to invite them?

     

    1. Can you afford to pay for all of them if they come?

      1. No? Don’t invite them!

      I think that it is easier to invite no-one than it try and pick people. They will understand, you just have to say that it’s a limited guest list due to cost. If they don’t understand then they aren’t nice people and you wouldn’t have wanted them to come anyway! 

      Hope that helps. 🙂

      Post # 6
      Member
      3640 posts
      Sugar bee
      • Wedding: September 2015

      Sorry for the weird formatting, not sure what happened :S

      Post # 7
      Member
      9955 posts
      Buzzing Beekeeper
      • Wedding: December 2012

      It is great that you get along well with all your Co-Workers.

      BUT Co-Workers and Friends can (and should be) two very different things.  Friends really understand you and are there for you in the long run.  Co-Workers come and go (or you move on to another job)

      Friends will understand if you don’t invite them… because they get you

      Co-Workers may not… they could feel slighted… and that could cause DRAMA for you down the road in your worklife.

      This is one of the reasons when it comes to Etiquette that the best advice is not to treat your Co-Workers like friends… be very very selective about who you are friends with at the office, so that your personal life isn’t the basis of gossip at the watercooler.

      If you work with 150 People, and the exercise of cutting who out is going to be difficult… then just don’t invite any one from work.

      If the topic comes up… you can say you had to draw the line somewhere for the Guest List… as things are already stretched to the max… understandable. (With 210 Invited, you cannot say the normal refrain “We are just keeping it to close friends & family”)

      As I said above, your real friends will understand

      Hope this helps,

      PS… Same Rules should also apply to your Hubby’s Co-workers too.  As Office DRAMA can happen for either of you.

      This type of info will as I say, bode you well in your future as a couple.  Learning how to keep your Work & Family life seperate.

       

      Post # 8
      Member
      3569 posts
      Sugar bee
      • Wedding: April 2013

      I’m inviting my direct boss, and perhaps one or two other coworkers who are coming are those I hang out with outside of work and whom I talk to  and be friends with outside of the office.

      Other then talking about my engagement and the date I haven’t uttered a peeped about the wedding to anyone else. I don’t think anyone would care but I have asked my two friends to keep the details to themselves.

      Don’t feel like you have to invite your coworkers. I say invite only those whom you are friends with and see on a regular basis outside of work.

      Post # 9
      Member
      701 posts
      Busy bee
      • Wedding: January 2004

      i didnt do co-workers. i said they were more than welcome to come and see the wedding but wernt invited to the reception.

      Post # 10
      Member
      998 posts
      Busy bee
      • Wedding: November 1999

      One of my co-workers is actually a bridesmaid, so she is invited. There is a group of four of us that are really close (including the BM) so those are the only ones I’m inviting. I don’t talk about the wedding with anyone else, and they know better than to bring it up with others that might be offended. I’m not inviting my boss bc he is really weird about people getting married and refuses to marry his long time gf. In fact, he doesn’t even know yet I’m getting married. 

      Post # 11
      Member
      9234 posts
      Buzzing Beekeeper
      • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

      I hear ya, it’s hard.  I have a relatively new job in a small company (~15 people total).  Because of my line of work, I spend a lot of time traveling with some of them and I think we will continue to become closer friends before my wedding next summer.  It’s a small enough office that it might be weird to only invite a few, plus everyone knows where everyone else is when they take time off because our work requires us to coordinate schedules.  Not sure what to do -hopefully I figure it out by the spring!

      Also, anyone know if there is a general protocol for inviting bosses or not?  I see a lot of posts where people only invite a few close coworkers PLUS their bosses.  Is that standard??

      Post # 12
      Member
      2363 posts
      Buzzing bee
      • Wedding: October 2012

      I work in a small group of five people, including our supervisor.  I decided to invite only the one person whom I see socially outside of work.  I thought very seriously about inviting my supervisor but, in the end, decided not to because we don’t have a relationship outside of work.  Oddly, what helped me make the decision was asking myself, “Do I want this person to see me in my wedding dress?”  As PPs have said, I answer questions about planning when asked, but I don’t bring up the wedding at work.

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