CPS Is Now Involved — Any Suggestions?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yeesh. My overall advice is to try to be civil and respectful towards the ex and her husband. Try your hardest to think good things about them. Kids are great at detecting emotion, so if you or your husband are hating on her – they will pick it up and it will make things harder on them.

As far as the custody goes, CPS always tries to get parents back together with kids. If it’s fairly simple things like having sheets and things that are needed at home, I imagine she will get those things and still be considered for custody. It has to get pretty bad for CPS to permanently pull custody.

Post # 3
2246 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

What does your lawyer suggest?

Post # 4
1904 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

I suggest being honest with what you know. CPS does not usually take kids away from the mother unless there is a REALLY big reason to do so.

Post # 5
716 posts
Busy bee

I’m guessing you probably don’t get to chose whether or not you testify.  My only advice would be that there are facts that you know first hand, there’s heresay that you are aware of second hand, and then there are your personal opinions.  I would stick to facts that you know first hand that directly answer the questions that you are asked and avoid heresay and opinions, unless specifically asked.  That should help ease your conscience.

Post # 6
7126 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

MissBlogger:  geeze, I was on your side till the end where you announced that per your lawyer you have a right to an opinion. That may well be, but the parents have first say and as a child whose father got remarried to a selfish,unwell woman who egged my dad on into thinking my mom was unfit ( she was not), I’m not big on step parents having a lot of say over their spouse’s children.

This hurt me deeply as a kid, seeing my mom attacked legally by my psycho step mom and dad. too many people seem incapable of truly loving and putting other peoples kids first. 

It’s hard not to side eye obvious judment of the kids mother coming from fathers SO ( you). I would stay out of this if I were you, but I can tell you have no intention of doing that. In the end, it’s the kids who will be hurt. I really hope neither you nor FI called CPS. It’s hard to believe right now, though, since you just happen to be in mediation and she is threatening him with loss of custody. 

you  seem way too involved in your SO’s custody issues. It seems like you have an agenda due to all of your posts on this issue. I feel sorry for those kids. 

Post # 7
42101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Like all things in life, it will be much simpler if you just tell the truth. Instead of worrying about saying anything negative about his ex, think about doing something positive for the boys.

You can only testify to things about which you have direct knowledge, so nothing you say will come as a surprise to the ex. Surely she knows what you have seen or what things you have direct knowledge of.

Post # 8
4959 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

MissBlogger:  You may not want to say, but what type of neglect was happening? If she is truly neglecting them, then your SO should absolutely get custody. I would worry less about the boys hating one parent and more about their well being. If they do end up living with you, just never talk negatively about their mom and allow them to maintain a relationship with them.

Post # 10
1313 posts
Bumble bee


Please listen to Tinatina1. and stay out of it as much as you can.

Yes, you have an opinion.  but is it really relevant to custody?  In the long run, the less you say the better.  I also feel sorry for those kids.

Post # 11
4653 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I just want to say that I was involved with CPS because of neglect. I was the child in the situation. My dad had to so and so day to prove he ws fit and he would ALWAYS put on a show to “prove” he was. And then as soon as that was finished, everything went back to the way it was before…

Post # 13
1116 posts
Bumble bee

Tinatiny1:  arosebyanyothername:  but as a step parent you are directly involved in caring for the child/children especially if your SO has full custody, how can the CPS decide where to place the kids without knowing how all the caregivers (biological and step) honestly feel about the situation and whether they are competent and safe looking after the children.  The OPs opinion is relevant because she wil have to step parent the children and her SO needs to know if either her opinion works with his and they can work as a team to look after the children when they have them or whether he needs to look elsewhere for a partner with the same views on child rearing as him. The only people who don’t need to know the OPs opinion (especially her opinion of the mother) is the children.

Post # 15
2894 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

MissBlogger: Both you and your SO should do what is in the best interest of the children. Full stop. 

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