Post # 1
I need some help in making the final/correct call – anyone with an opinion, please share! Let me share some background – I tend to be wordy, so appologies in advance of the book that will most likely follow.
We have approx 40 guests invited to our wedding ceremony & dinner/reception, mainly because the FI doesn’t want to be up in front of a whole ton of people (believe me 40 was already pushing it), but also due to cost (we’re paying for the wedding ourselves).
We hired an irish rock band to play at the reception, following dinner, and since most of the invitees are older family members, we don’t expect them to stay much past dinner. It seems a shame/wasteful to have a live band playing for only a handful of people. So, we decided we would also make some “Crash our wedding” invites to have more people come to enjoy the party portion of the night, drinking & dancing.
In trying to get some ideas of how these crash invites should look/be worded, I’ve discovered that this is considered a ‘tiered” reception & a faux paux! Our friends (ie: basically everyone who would be getting one of these invites) know the reasons for our keeping the ceremony list small & the few I’ve polled seemed excited about the idea of still being able to come party with us, even if they don’t see the actual ceremony. So now I’m second guessing.
I’m generally not one to follow etiquette rules just for the sake of etiquette, but I also don’t want to offend anyone either. Dinner will be served to the ceremony guests prior to the arrival of the party guests, and the bar will still be open. The invites would say something along the lines of “as you know, we had to keep the ceremony small, but we would love for you to party with us! Join us from 8-midnight for dancing & drinks!”
I need some outside opinions, bees! Is this completely rude? Would it be considered any less rude since our ‘crashers’ already knew the reasons behind our small ceremony list?
Post # 3
I don’t understand what a “crash my wedding” guest is?
Is it someone you’re only inviting to the after party? As in, not inviting them to the dinner, but inviting them afterwards for the party only? Sorry, I’ve just never heard of this before.
Post # 4
Honestly, I don’t think you should expect most people to leave after dinner. I’ve always thought it was rude to eat and run at a wedding.
Post # 5
I think it’s a great idea. A lot of younger people don’t care to watch the ceremony, nor sit down for dinner with a bunch of strangers and listen to the speeches.
Everyone likes to dance and party though. Etiquette be damned. Rock out with your friends!
ETA- You asked how to word it.
Our invitations were modelled after ‘backstage passes’ to a concert. I had a select group of invites that were for the party only. I labelled these ones ‘After Party Passes. I’m far from being traditional though.
I would just say something like, “We invite you to celebrate with us for a live band and dancing following the reception.” Then list the time and location.
Post # 6
@SomethingClever: I know what the opinion is of tiered receptions and this technically is one.
However, we would come to this in a heartbeat: I don’t have to sit through a ceremony and I don’t care one way or another about dinner…but if you’re inviting us to music AND drinks, we’ll come 😉
Post # 7
This is very common in the UK. The invites normally say “invite you to celebrate their marriage” with a tim of 8pm ish.
just make sure dinner will definitely be finished – almost always the evening guests end up waiting in the bar for the speeches to be over!
Post # 8
PS I love the idea of a “Crash the wedding” invite 🙂
Post # 9
We have a similar situation, and are inviting our cousins to the reception (not ceremony & dinner). I agree with badabing88, that they will most likely be psyched that they don’t have to sit thru the ceremony, and can just drink & dance.
We created a separate invite that said “Join the Party” (in large letters) to celebrate the marriage of “X” & “Z”. I then put date & time, and “Dancing, Cocktails, and Hors d’oeuvres”. I also included the phrase “Your presence is our present.” So, they were clear that they are not expected to bring a gift.
There are some cute invites on Vistaprint that are easily adaptable for this type of occasion. Good luck!
Post # 10
Definitely don’t expect people to eat and run. I also wouldn’t use “crash my wedding” on anything, but it’s totally legit to invite people to the reception only if you want, you would just have reception invites.
If you want the “after party” to be less formal, consider less formal invites asking people to join you for dancing and cocktails.