- 7 years ago
Before stumbling upon this site earlier today, I really thought I had a serious problem with wedding obsessionism. Now, I’m not suddenly certain that I am uninsane… I am at least relieved that there are others experiencing the same relentless hopelessness that being a Lady in Waiting can inflict upon an otherwise upstanding citizen (yeah… uh huh).
My engagement experience began when I was 19. Too young, certainly, but I was awestruck by the ability to make my own decisions and thusly began a chain of events that has wreaked havoc on my ever-lovin soul from that year forth. My ex-FI and I were engaged for nearly two years, and became engaged after only having been together for 21 days. It was a long-distance relationship and the thrill of the separation is the only thing that ever held us together. We were children of an alternative sort, and the norms of society couldn’t phase us… I had no engagement ring and he called me his wife to everyone we knew. Once he moved to Florida, we shared a residence and things quickly began to fall downhill, ending in him cheating, lying, becoming involved with sketchy characters and finally, becoming physically abusive (after multiple breakups). We initially broke up seven days before our two-year anniversary. At this point, we were both wearing simple bands and he moved out… right down the street. So I had to see him all the time. And this was awfuldom. We had an unfortunately close-knit group of friends and I took him back time and time again and he kept going back to that *&%$#@ time and time again. The day when our fighting escalated to him hitting me in the face and throwing me down on the floor and punching me was the absolute last straw and I have cut off all contact with him ever since. I could write a novel detailing the drama surrounding our 40 or so breakups. I dated a rather dorky individual for a short period of time after the true demise of my engagement, but it was nothing serious.
Then, along came the definition of my Mr. Right…. we met at a potluck. He loves gaming, writing screenplays, collects motorcycles and knows how to restore cars through and through. He makes me utterly swoon, and goes all-out on every holiday. We have lived together since we were dating for three months. A short period of time, I know, but my entire department at work was laid off and there were no fruitful jobs available at the time. We have a wonderful life together. I moved from the city to the country, and having grown up in a small farm-town, I feel much more comfortable in a true community.
The pressure to marry began seeping out of our mothers’ lips as we approached the 6-month mark. I was 25, and though we had begun to build a life together (shared pets, home decorating, trips and common goals), we certainly weren’t ready to become engaged.
After we had been together for about a year and 3 months, he began talking more openly about us and his knowing that I was the one for him. So I began expecting an engagement about 9 months ago. 5 1/2 months ago, he made the (mistake) comment that he thought he would be proposing within the next 6 months. The wait has been torturous. At Christmas, we were done opening all of our presents and he said, “I think you’ve forgotten something…” He had gotten me a very nice robe and indicated that I needed to check the pockets. Butterflies in stomach. In front of whole family…. I reach in the pocket and pull out… some very nice pearl earrings and a pearl necklace. My face probably said it all.
For New Years, we went out to the nicest restaurant in the nearby city and had a lovely dinner of delighting foods and fine champagne. We went downtown to watch the fireworks and I’m thinking… ok, this must be it. Turns out the fireworks were quite awful and I got mad at him for dropping what I had seen as hints, which turned out to be nothing. My birthday was in January and he spent a ton of time hanging out with my dad and started giving me clues as to what he was getting me. It’s sparkly. It has to be locked away in my boss’s office for safekeeping. It’s more than 50 years old (I had specified that I would love an estate ring). It has an S on top of it… thinking to myself “Ok all of this diamond researching is paying off….” Because he’s completely wonderful, for my birthday he got us matching vintage bikes, and mine has an S on the seat. They are wonderful and we have a new hobby of riding bikes, now. But dang it if I wasn’t dead certain.
Valentine’s Day rolls around and we decided to ride our bikes to a local bistro to have filet mignon and wine by an outdoor fireplace. It was country-perfect. He sent me a huge vase of pink roses during the daytime and said he wanted to make sure I got more flowers at work than anyone else. I love this man but nope, still not engaged.
We had a rare opportunity to take a weeklong vacation for Spring Break, and decided to go to North Georgia and get a nice cabin in the middle of the mountains for a week. But everything leading up to the trip hinted in the wrong direction, and we got in a fight because I was getting pretty durn impatient at this point. To quell my anger, he said that he had the entire thing planned and that he had planned on proposing on our vacation. But he didn’t. When we got back, we talked about it, and I was very bitter and resentful. We got on the topic of rings, and he said he had gone looking with his friends several times and did not know quite what I would like. So I showed him this http://www.gemcollection.com/Products/754-tallahassee-diamond-estate-jewelry.aspx