Post # 1
I just read this on my Facebook newsfeed:
“Taking my car to the mechanic today. Hoping there’s nothing major wrong with it. Please say a prayer for my car!“
So bees, what’s the craziest thing you’ve read on your Facebook lately?
Post # 3
@BakerBee16: I have such a good one for this today!!!
This was in response to a status about how she thinks we are living in the end times.
“Her Iam ! Hunni you is living in da lass days. Dont you worry yo perty little head over it cause Jesus gonna come if you ready of not and no body knows when that is so have yo ass right before he gets here.. aint nobody gonna tell you when he coming! HE dont even know ! He jus waitin fo God to tell him it’s time, Go get them folks dats ready for me. I dont knw why errybody so scared for the rapture cause I myself cant wait to get out of this mean ole rotton assed world we live in so get on yo knees and talk to the lawd cause he the only one gonna here ya.. people down here needs to wake up fo its to late ! Drop kick me Jesus thru the field goal of life ! Can I get an amen????l“
LMAO yes! Drop kick me Jesus!
Post # 4
@ebarnes0: HAHAHA that is hilarious!
Post # 5
@BakerBee16: Someone posted looking for a loan they would be able to pay back some time in March….then the next post was about how they were looking for a good place to go out and eat….?
Post # 6
@BakerBee16: my cousin posting a happy 4 year anniversary to her boyfriendbaby daddy (she’s pregnant now) …… this is only crazy because it was this over the top mushy message and…. she was married to someone else for 2 years in between lol so really it’s only like 2 years that they have together. as in like she dated this guy, he left her, she met someone, married him 2 months into knowing him, stayed with him for a couple years til this guy came back around, then divorced her husband and is now back with this guy and pregnant. Like did you forget you were married to someone else and everyone knows about it since we all went to your wedding party? lol. not to mention that this was the same guy that dumped you last time you got pregnant because youw ouldn’t get an abortion…. and then he proceeded to tag all your family members on facebook and put up a status revealing some dirty and private things about you for all to see…. yep. happy anniversary to “the love of your life!” ….also, not 6 months ago she was posting the SAME kinds of statuses to her then husband.
btw, I only see her feed when someoen im friends with comments on her statuses. I have her feed blocked otherwise because I can’t take her nonsense.
Post # 7
@BakerBee16: LOL that honestly sounds like something I would say (but probably not post onto FB). My car is like my child, though. I am very attached to it.
I’ve been watching a love triangle unfold on my newsfeed between one of my male friends and 2 other girls. This guy was engaged to one girl for a while, they broke up last year, and he started seeing another girl. That girl then broke up with him and he reconciled with girl #1. Girl #2 was having none of that and starting posting crazy shit on his wall about how he doesn’t deserve her, how he sucks in bed, etc., which of course attracts more crazy posts from this guy and the other girl. Nonstop arguments, all of which are being posted as public statuses…and I’ve lost count of how many times his relationship status has been updated in the past week. They should really just get it over with and have a threesome.
Post # 8
@ebarnes0: lmao wow! haha
This little gem popped up in my newsfeed today from my friend’s boyfriend…..
John Smith* doesn’t have a girlfriend because he is a punk bitch!
* name change for obvious reasons.
Post # 9
I have a good friend on Facebook that has worked for a company affiliated with SeaWorld for a long time and she has battled the Blackfish accusations ever since the documentary has come out. She often says some ignorant things that I try REALLY hard to ignore.
But, this status last night set me off:
“So a giant sperm whale died because he ate too much plastic in the ocean. Animals are safer in nature though, right?“
Post # 10
@BakerBee16: I have a person who overshares everything. So obviously Christmas was no exception. She had an entire FB album with pics of her with everything she got for Christmas. I don’t mean her with all her stuff or a couple cute things. I mean, her album went like this:
Picture of her with a DVD
Picture of her with a cookware set
Picture of her with tickets to sporting event
Picture of her with new bottle of perfume
Picture of her with new earrings
Picture of her with new slippers
Picture of her with… you get the idea…
Please note that she is not exactly 10 years old (mid-30s).
Post # 11
A guy I went to elementary school with is FB friends with me (I haven’t actually seen him in 10+ years) but I have enjoyed following some recent FB craziness of his.
I gather he was dating a girl and they broke up, but maybe are on-again-off-again? Anyways, he posts status updates like “you give your heart and get it crushed” and then his family and friends all pile on with stuff like “get rid of the slut” and “that bitch is so immature and not worth it” and “until you learn to respect yourself she’ll keep walking all over you”. Sooo crazy.
Post # 12
this girl i went to high school with took pictures of herself this past weekend when she went bar hopping. she has one picture that someone else took of her posing in a restroom at a bar, right in front of a toilet. really?! i mean close the doors of the stalls at least! there are at least 3 toilets visible in the pic!
Post # 13
@BakerBee16: my sister is currently in Disney with her boyfriend, and her status said something about being in Disney and “I can’t begin to describe how beautiful my life is!” This is crazy because pretty much every time we talk all she does is bitch about everything that sucks in her life.
I also have an aunt (married to my mom’s borther) whose statuses have been going on and on about how wonderful Christmas was going to be this year. This is the aunt who threw my uncle out of the house, has made horrible accusations against him, and then welcomed him back in the house basically because she needed someone to drive her places. She has also put a huge wedge between herself and the rest of the family. And of course this is when my cousin is planning her wedding and now many of my relatives aren’t even sure if they’re invited–she talked about rescinding save the dates. Such a lovely person!
Post # 14
@BakerBee16: This isn’t “crazy” but.. On Christmas day, my cousin’s husband checked in at a Chinese buffet, and wrote “We had to! Fa ra ra ra ra…”
…My mom is asian, and actually has a thick accent when speaking english. Thanks, racist and offensive in law!
Post # 15
@Little_Nut88: Argh… I find the vague “broken hearted” status updates so annoying. Especially since everyone responds “What happened? What’s wrong?” and the OP is like, “I don’t want to talk about it.” THEN WHY PUT IT ON FACEBOOK? ::FACE PALM::
Post # 16
“Only just now learned that someone signed me up for the gay hookup fb group. This explains a lot of messages I’ve been getting.”
I read this upwards of 10 minutes ago and I’m still laughing.