Crazy bridesmaid sister has pulled out.. can I replace her?

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
1453 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter's Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

I think you’re fine to ask her, particularly as you would rather have had her all along.

Post # 3
Member
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Mount Hermon

nursekato87:  she told you she doesn’t want to be a bridesmaid. Replace her and thank your stars she didn’t throw this fit right before the wedding.

If she wants back in, tell her that you assumed she was serious and you have asked someone else.

Post # 4
Member
2264 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

nursekato87:  Honestly, I’d give it some time. August 2015 is awhile away. Your sister may end up just blowing off steam. I think you would only worsen your relationship with her if she finds out she has been replaced.

Also, I know you mentioned not liking it, but there is nothing wrong with uneven numbers. In the grand scheme of all the things that happen on a wedding date, I really doubt you’ll notice. It sounds like you already picked to fit a certian number, anyway. In reality, you should choose your nearest and dearest from the get go, so that there are no hard feelings about having to ask someone later and making them feel like they are filling in someone elses shoes.

I’d stick with what you’ve got and see if your sister comes around. 

Maybe ask this other very good friend to be a reader at your ceremony? That way, she can be recognized as an important person on your big day, and attend the rehearsal with all of your other close friends.

Post # 5
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

Yes, replace her, and don’t ever let her back into the bridal party no matter what happens with your other bridesmaids. 

Your sister is volatile, and it makes absolutely no sense to have a volatile, unreliable person in a wedding — an event where time is of the essence and a person not doing their job, no matter how simple it is, can cause lots of problems and bad memories. 

If your parents try to get her back in, say no. They know how volatile and difficult she is, so all you need to do is say, “Nope, it’s not happening”, and end the discussion. Put your foot down, and keep it down. It’s much better for everyone, even your parents, for your sister to not be in the wedding. 

Post # 6
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I would wait until you actually go and buy bridesmaid dresses.  

Post # 7
Member
710 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’d replace her. But I’d be totally honest with the new bridesmaid with why you didn’t at first and now are.

Post # 8
Member
50 posts
Worker bee

If she’s already this much of a problem, it’s safer to assume that she will at least equally this difficult come wedding crunch time. Ain’t nobody got time for that. If she decides to change her mind, too bad so sad. The only worry would be that she’d run her mouth that you kicked her out or something, but it sounds like most people would know what’s up. 

Ask your friend. You wanted to since the beginning. Just be honest. And if it would make you feel better, ask her in a special way, like one of those creative gift boxes to ask.

Post # 9
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Ask the other girl and do it now!!!! This is protection for you. Protect yourself from having her do this to you again; there’s plenty of time where your sister could make up with the family and inevitably fight with them again. TRUST your gut. This could be your only chance! Run! lol…. Also, because you haven’t done the bridesmaid stuff yet your friend will probably not feel like an afterthought, you know what I mean?

Post # 10
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

As soon as you said, “She doesn’t like navy” I knew she had to go! Who doesn’t like navy? Seriously, listen to what PPs have said, your wedding is not the time to invite extra stress into your life. Of course if your sister changes her mind she should attend the wedding, but to have someone who might be responsible for planning and is there to make your day special and easier, you need to consider whether your sister would do that, or whether this friend would do that better!

Post # 11
Member
1801 posts
Buzzing bee

you have plenty of time, replace her with your actual friend. If your sis comes back around, and tries acting enthusiastic, te her if she wants she can give out programs, do a reading, etc so she can feel the “entitled included” she needs to feel, without it being too much of a stress

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