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Our families were not crazy when we were buying a house. We did it mostly on our own so maybe that's why.
I've got to say, that for me this was surprisingly NOT the case. My parents are super involved, I talk to my mom every day, I've had issues before with my mom trying to be too involved, AND my dad is in construction--- so I really thought we might hit some issues when we bought a house but we totally didn't!
I will say this though: My parents have bought two homes (one just a few years ago), are pretty intelligent about financing, and my dad is in construction-- so I do really value their opinion. I made no attempt to shut them out because I consider them free resources! I asked for their opinions on things and I asked my dad to come and look at the houses we were seriously considering. But they only did as much as I asked and they didn't push or give too many opinions or anything at all. They were incredibly supportive and excited for me (and my FI, we bought together), and acted exactly as I would've hoped they would.
Where did you see that? That's not how it happened for us! Our parents were very supportive and there if need be but otherwise were just overall happy for us.
Where did you see that? That's not how it happened for us! Our parents were very supportive and there if need be but otherwise were just overall happy for us.
Our parents were awesome and so helpful and supportive when we got our house! They have been like that with the wedding planning too though.
Our families weren't crazy at all. My father was our real estate agent and got us deals on the attorney and appraisal and all that good stuff. FI's family helped us out hugely with the down payment and finance stuff. No one brought the crazy. Other than the crazy happy emotional love you show when you're proud of your kids.
They even managed to reign in the fact that they were all a little freaked because we were buying a home and not even engaged yet. It really depends on the family. Test the waters a little with both sides and see how they react. Don't announce fully "We're buying a house and we're doing it ASAP, get on board or get out of my way."
Ask thoughtful questions, like what did they look for in a neighborhood? Who did they talk with for financial advice? What percentage (not how much $$) did they save for a down payment? Stuff that lets them know you're thinking in that direction but not necessarily (do you like the exposed brick better in this house or this one?) stuff you want to compromise and decide on with your FI/DH.
It's a huge commitment, but it can be super fun. For us, it was less stressful then the wedding planning by far.
My mom has been nothing but supportive. I don't think its the case with all families. I'd say don't involve your family too much... this is going to be YOUR home. Are you two paying for it? Or are they helping you financially?
I'd say you & your SO come up with a list of "must haves" for the house you want to buy. Don't buy a house that your parents want, because you are living there & paying for it.
Glad to see you all had support.
@klp2010- who knows which thread I read the comments in :) And I can see why parents would because it's one more step away from being independent.
DH doesn't plan on telling his mom and family that we got a house until it's ours because of the way she has been acting, so that I have to be thankful for. He says it'll be like "Surprise, we have a house!"
I've gone through it with both daughters (one just last night for the inspection!) and we only offered advice when we were asked. I remember how excited we were when we bought our first home, but in those days our parents weren't very interested and only wanted to see it once we moved in.
If they wanted our help we'd be there in a heartbeat, but we did pretty good in not offering unsolicted advice. We ended up being thrilled with both their choices! The decisions they made were for them and not us, and we wanted them all to be happy...so it was easy.
I guess my opinion only applies if they're the type of people who try to take control. If you want their help/advice, than sure involve them. I mean SOME people may go crazy "ohh why do you want to live here" & if you get those comments, I'd not include them. But they may offer you help & advice that you never thought about. Do they own their home? Do they have connections?
Maybe casually say "we're looking into buying a home" & see how they react. If they're positive, I'd say include them, if they go all crazy on you, then you don't have to tell them your plans/how soon you're getting a house.
Our parents weren't even involved! So we had no issues there. We knew our house when we saw it & we made an offer the next day...
Since you're paying for it, there's not much they can really do. I just wouldn't show them what houses or tell them your budget that you're looking for if you're worried about craziness.
The only way I could see this possibly happening is if the parents are buying the house for the couple (which I have never heard of!) or they are giving a lot of money to them to help towards the downpayment. My FI and I bought our house ourselves and the only thing my mom and her husband did was go with us on a few house tours so we could get their input on things to watch out for and some good ideas on what we could change that we don't like. It was fun actually! We handled the loan process and everything all on our own.
My mom started acting really strange and the day of my inspection we got into a huge fight. Later that night she apologized and said that she never realized how upset she would be at the thought of me moving out. We are really close. But she has come around and is helping me decorate. In regards to my inlaws they hate or house but they hate everything we do so it wasn't a surprise.
In regards to my inlaws they hate our house but they hate everything we do so it wasn't a surprise.
This is precisely my MIL. It's always "So that's how you're going to F that up?" and she finds out less and less about our lives.
She's very BTDT with houses and before all the issues, she was going to be heavily involved, which I had no problem with as she's smart in that area. Luckily she lives several hours away so that takes care of a lot of it right there and she does not own a home. As for the unsoliciated advice, well she's very opinionated and we dealt with that when we were trying to buy a car.
@roxy- That's really cool that your mom realized what she was doing and apologized.
My mom has been great at offering suggestions for decorating, etc. But she hasn't been pushy with anything. His mom did come to see the house before we put the offer in, but other than that she's been totally out of everything and somewhat a downer, per usual.
Our parents were pretty uninvolved, unless we asked for advice or help. Even FI's parents, who were helping with the down payment, didn't ask to be involved in the decision-making process. However, neither of our families is local, which I'm sure made a difference---they don't know anything about neighborhoods here and thus couldn't really weigh in on that front, and it was months/years before they even saw the house in person.
Honestly, the only really trying part of the process for us was bidding on and then not getting a number of houses we loved---lots of heartbreak involved, and lots of second guessing/"what iffing" on my part (though FI was great about just moving on). Three years later, though, only one of those houses still pulls at my heartstrings when we pass by, and we love the one we're in, so I think it all works out in the end.
FI's parents were really helpful... his dad helped us when we had narrowed to our favorites... taught us what to look for... etc.
once we bought our house, they practically furnished everything... FI and i did feel overwhelmed to a point, where we felt like we wanted to make it our home... not that we weren't appreciative of all of their generosity... but that there wasn't a single thing that we had done together in our home... without their help.
that was a big bump we had to cross in the beginning, but it's balanced out now.
then when my parents moved back to MI (2 months after we'd been in the house)... we went through the guilt trip they felt for not providing as much as the FIL's.
again, it's balanaced now, but there are def tensions, similar to that of wedding planning... but it's all relative to the parents and how they are as ppl and how they are involved in your lfie
Our parents have been supportive. Fi's parent's gave us $3500 to go towards the fees, his Mom's been encouraging with our choice of location and nudging Fi that a 30-min, bus route to work isn't a big deal at all. My Mom has totally helped with the selection process and helped me narrow down my favorites. My Mom also offered to buy some furniture. Fi's Dad is really looking forward to helping us with yard work.
My only concern is his Mom's prodding about not making changes to the house right away. I think it's very good advice, but we have things we definitely want to change, like the exterior color and the color of the doors, and stairs. She's repeated this a couple of times now and I knew she means well, but it's getting to me because we never liked the funky exterior color and I won't feel good about waiting a year just to appease her (we move in this summer and would have to wait until the weather's right again to paint). She loves to garden and had her garden all planned out and set immediately after they moved (about a year ago). I'm a total noob at gardening but I'm more into interior features. I'm trying to get her to understand that what gardening to her is home improvement to me (of course, without outright sounding defensive and explaining with so many words). I'm crossing my fingers she's dropped it and so I don't have to get into it.
They've been really great so far, but we haven't moved in yet. I'm hoping it continues.
My parents have gone back forth. One day they are super supportive and want to help as much as they can. Then the next day they find something "wrong" with the house/builder/contractor and think we are stupid for building this house. It is exhausting! I have mixed feelings about the house; I like it but I don't love it. It was the right situation for us to take the next step, and if I have to choose between a starter home I don't love or staying in an apartment for another two or three years, I'm gonna go with the starter home. My parents know that I feel this way, so I hate when they jump on the "let's talk trash about the house you guys are choosing" train because it totally messes with my head even more. I'm just so ready to close and focus on the good part - decorating!!
Mine offered to furnish one of the extra rooms downstairs.
They brought a U-haul full of crap--furniture, etc, themed it "African Safari" and brought in a bunch of decor, spearheads, fake plants, a california king size bed, and took the whole thing over. So now they have "somewhere to stay" when they come visit.
But nobody but them is allowed to sleep in that bed. Yeah, right. I let my friends stay down there. It's not like I don't wash the sheets.
Oh i have a photo.
6570_526006722363_121201349_31203186_4.jpg (31.9 KB, 32 downloads) 2 years old 
My parents were incredibly supportive, and FI's pretty much were, too. We didn't really ask anyone for advice and we kind of did it on our own. It brought out the crazy in ME, though! I had so many "why do we think we are capable of this?" type thoughts.
The worst thing we did was put in an offer on our house the day before we went to a wedding. Because of course they called and rejected the offer while we were at the reception. At least I could pass off the tears as happiness for the new couple, ha.
My mom wasn't crazy, she just wanted our lawyer to look over stuff to make sure it was good.
ejs4y8- Mom has the same idea! Talking about decorating the whole 3rd bedroom. Nope, but I'll let her use her crafty-ness to make a headboard. :) LOL
Our parents were great throughout the whole process, his dad especially. He gave us our down payment, helped us paint, and will be helping is on moving day. My dad is going to help us with the few things that need to bedone before we move in, and my mom is buying is plants for our front yard. Our parents are really involved, and are just really happy for us. I think cuz we did things in the right order, and have good heads on our shoulders, they know they don't have to wory about us getting in over our heads, and we won't be too far away from them. I can't wait, this time next month we will officially be in our new house!
@MsMamaBear, luckily this isn't even a bedroom! It's a huge carpeted storage room downstairs and they turned the sauna part (i know, it's been there since it was built and is broken, it's so stupid) into a closet. So at least it's not a "real" bedroom and at least it's not upstairs!
But a JUNGLE theme?! Oye vez.
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Thanks to another post, several people mentioned that buying a house brings out the crazy in parents, just like the wedding. My heart sank a bit reading that. Is this really true? How were your parents/IL's in the buying a home stage of your life?
The wedding crazy we got from his mom was enough...I never thought I would have to deal with the crazy until we had a kid :(