Post # 1
I recently ended (so I thought) a friendship with a girl that I had known for 6 years (and ‘dated’ for 2…) because she suddenly started acting very bi-polar and toxic (depressed for months, suddenly uncontrollably angry about everything and attacking me via phone and internet).
Out of the blue the day after I told her to stay away from my family (she wanted to still be friends with them even though she ‘couldn’t trust me anymore’ wtf.) she sent me a long email apologizing for being out of line, but she destroyed her trust with me. She recently (last week or two) has been writing me on facebook just talking about everyday things so I figured that while we couldn’t be good friends anymore there would be no harm in the occasional hello here and there.
She started writing every few days and actually told me once that ‘it would be nice for you to write me first once in a while’. Today she found out that she will have to either go back on chemo or back on dialysis.
A little backstory: typically when someone does something to upset a member of my family something very bad typically happens to them. I don’t take this lightly and I don’t use it as a threat, however this girl is aware that weird things happen when someone tries to hurt one of us.
She sent me a message today telling me that I better not say that her getting sick again was the result of the curse or that it was my fault because I ‘could not imagine’ the pain it would cause her … more than death.
I feel like she’s getting ready to go off the crazy end again and I don’t want to have to deal with that. I had been blocking her and her FI (he likes conflict and likes to stir things up) from seeing my wall. She noticed it so I made up a story about FB being buggy but I had to unblock them so she wouldn’t go crazy again.
People have stopped talking to me because of what happened between us. Not because they felt I was wrong but because they are afraid of her.
I don’t know how to re-distance myself without it being obvious and I do NOT need more drama. My BF gets very upset when she does things to bother me because I use to bring it on myself, but I have been so much better at avoiding it when she is not in my life! I’m desperate bees… what should I do? I don’t even know where to start with this one…
Post # 3
I’m a little confused, you said ‘dated’, which makes her an ex, and it wouldn’t be that far fetch to cut out all personal relations/ contact including facebook in any case. You dont really need an excuse, just unfriend her and move on focus on your current relationship.
If I got this all wrong and she was just a genuine friend who turned toxic, you may need to handle this a bit more delicately. Send her an email, explain that though you appreciate your time as friends, you really dont think the current status of your friendship is healthy for you both, and you think you should cut out all contact and focus on other important issues.
She’s sick and I feel her pain, sympothize with her, make it clear that you did not wish this on her and in no way thinks she deserves it. Most importantly make it abundantly clear that though you resolved to caring from a distance, you think its best to not be involve in each other’s live.
Hopefully she’ll get the point that your are not spiting her you just want to move on with your live and have her do the same.
Good Luck and keep us posted.
Post # 4
She is an ex… she ended it but now she won’t stay out of my life. The problem is, I did un-friend her and she later apologized so I was willing to give her another chance (although I’m still on my guard!). I’m afraid of the fallout if I stop talking to her again. She’s rather popular and people listen to her right or wrong so I know somehow she’ll find a way to alienate the friends I have left.
I feel better after venting a little bit and I’ve just decided that if she tries to pick a fight she’s lost her chance.
Post # 5
It doesn’t seem like a win-win situation at all. What your friend is going through is really difficult b/c her health is completely at stake. Many times people that deal with cancer or other serious illnesses tend to suffer from depression. Maintaining a relatinoship with people who are depressed can be challenging and difficult. I myself have a friend that’s going through this and there are many moments where I just want to cut off ties but feel compelled not to b/c what she’s going through. It’s a big internal struggle and you’re not alone in your feelings
Your friend seems really manipulative. If you do cut ties you should definitely do it carefully. Although you may lose friends through the ordeal, you can at least have your sanity and happiness back. This is not a healthy relationship at all and the friends you do lose… maybe they weren’t real friends to begin with.
Just tell her what Picturemeurs mentioned about. She outlined it pretty well. After givng her the message, don’t respond back to her at all. Cut contact and leave it at that. A nice clean break would be the best. This girl will get over it… trust.