Post # 1
The FMIL never really liked me. She thinks her only son can do A LOT better and she has never been shy about expressing her feelings about it. When we were dating she would make snark remarks about how her friends’ daughters would be way better girlfriends or that how my fiance shouldn’t “settle” based on “convenience” right in front of me. I thought it would get better once she realizes that I’m here to stay but nope, not at all.
Both my fiance’s and my family are Chinese, which traditionally have certain customs for gifting. Traditionally the guy’s family have to gift the girl’s family since the girl will be become one of theirs after the marriage (take their last name, bore their next generation, etc). Since my fiance and I are not that traditional and we are paying for the wedding ourselves, we told both our parents that there is really no need. My parents are completely happy and fine with that, and we totally thought his family would be relieved. Instead, we get a call from his mom demanding a meeting with my mom to “negotiate”. The FMIL doesn’t want to give my family anything but INSISTS that we tell all our family and friends that they did so she can look good. She’s even spreading the rumor to her side of the family that my parents are making outrageous demands but she has to comply because they want to be the better people in the situation. All the while my poor mom is completely stressing out about the situation because word travels fast and now my family looks like complete a$$holes trying to make a profit out of my marriage.
I told my fiance and asked him to talk to FMIL but he insists that she’s just “kidding” and she would “never” do such a thing. He’s always been a momma’s boy but this is just ridiculous, I feel like he’s the only one who can talk some sense into his mother and he wouldn’t help. ARGHHHH. This is driving me crazy. I don’t’ even know how I’m going to manage a smile to that crazy lady at our wedding.
Post # 3
OMG! I know exactly how you feel! The same situation happened to my sister at her wedding, and much more. Her FIL started to move my relatives (who were already seated) to the tables in the back because he felt entitled to have the first half of the tables reserved for the groom’s side. UGH! In the end, we just let it go because we new we were the bigger persons. THANK GOODNESS the wedding is over, and now we dont need to deal with them.
In the end, everything will work out. Maybe you can try talking to her yourself?
Post # 4
Is it possible to try to bring up the topic with her during a family get together and then very politely mention that your mom has requested no gifts- or have a similar converstation with other family members.
Or maybe you can plan a family get together with a few of FI’s family members outside his immediate family (like an aunt or uncle) and send an invite with the wording…
Since my mother has requested to forgo the traditional gift giving, we would like to invite you to our house for tea/party/brunch to get to know you better.
Post # 5
I like lefeymw’s suggestion of the wording of the invite for a family get together.
Post # 6
This isn’t about your FMIL, this is about your fiance. Where was he when she was being hurtful during your relationship? Did he say anything? Did he stop the behavior? Judging by your FMIL’s current outburst and saying he’s a “Mamma’s boy” I’m guessing he wussed out. I can’t tell you what to do, but i’ve gone through this and I know your MIL is probably never going to listen to you. She will listen to her son when he mans up. Your problem should no longer be with her, it should be with him. Each time he allows his mother to disrespect you and your family he’s disrespecting you.
Post # 7
thanks so much for the support ladies! feeling a little better that i’m not the crazy one like my fiance has been telling me.
totally agree with maureen9004 – no matter how hard i try, she just wouldn’t given me the same respect or attention but fiance insists that i’m just being stubborn. i don’t what i have to do or what crazy thing she has to do to convince him otherwise.
lefeymw – really like your suggestion. unfortunately, it sounds like it’s FMIL’s sister (so my fiance’s aunt) that came up with the idea to make us look bad. this aunt’s son is also marrying this year and she has been raving to my FMIL how well her idea worked with her future-in-laws. this was when they were gossiping right in front of me before they knew my fiance and i have picked a wedding date. i’ve met most of his side of family and they are all pretty unbelievable.
nextvie – that was terrible of them!!! i’ve already been letting the little things go like how FMIL tried to dictate the dress my maid of honor has to wear. we just try to ignore her but the fact that we didn’t fight back immediately might have made her feel like she can be more out of hand. we try to let go the small things that we can just brush over but now she is stepping over the line.