Weddingbee boards

My mother most likely suffers from bi-polar disorder but I can’t be certain because she refuses to get tested or go to counseling. I moved out at 19 because I couldn’t live with her any longer, it forced me to drop out of college and get a job right away. I did go back eventually and was able to finish my degree with no help from her. She owes me $8,000 from my deceased father’s inheritance for me.  This happened because she was fired from her job and I paid the apt rent we lived in at 18 years old as well as all the bills.  I’ll never see that money again.

She’s also a hoarder, messy housekeeper, behind on her bills (creditors always calling), irresponsible and a religious fanatic. I knew a long time ago that she felt she had to make a choice between me or God and chose God. I personally don’t think God would want a parent to choose but to love both, but she feels otherwise. She’s “catholic” I say it in quotes because she is the worst kind and I don’t think she is a good catholic or even a good example of catholism. She does go to Church, but her behavior outside of church is erratic and mean.  She has been fired from every job she has held in the last 20 years.  

There have been times when I have chosen to cut her out of my life, ignoring phone calls, deleting emails, not answering the door when she showed up unannounced on my doorstep. Normally this goes on for 3-6 months. I normally cut her out when she steps over a line that I find unacceptable.  This teaches her not to do that again (or at least hesitate before doing it) but I also know that she is mentally unstable, has episodes and in some ways can’t control her behavior.  

She was fired from a catholic hospital 2 years ago. I agreed to watch her cats if my other relative (her sister) agreed to take her. I thought I got the better end of the deal. She found a job 9 months later at a running a catholic charity half way house for pregnant mothers.  The pay is half what she is used to but includes housing and utilities.   But she can’t have her cats because they aren’t allowed in that house. I really didn’t agree to this. I agreed to watch the cats “till she found a job”. But I have still watched them. She was thinking that MAYBE they would open another halfway house in a different area (cheaper area) and she would get her own place in Oct. I don’t like this plan because its not much of a guarantee. Also I’m having to pay for all the cats food and litter. Trying to get money out of her for them is next to impossible.  I’m still making her pay the vet bills but sometimes I am reimbursed three months after the fact.

Right now my mother and I are fighting yet again. It started because I told her that her cat needed a dental done and she decided he was dying. She does this, its weird. She didn’t want to pay an extra 30 dollars at the vet to get blood work done to make sure he came out ok… but she did want to spend 50+ money on gas to drive down on Tuesday to be with him after.  She KNOWS she isn’t allowed to stay in my house unless I am there. So when I leave for work at 7:30AM she has to leave to. I told her she could come Tuesday but HAD to leave Wednesday morning. That turned into her screaming about how I don’t trust her ( I don’t, but I can’t tell a mentally unstable person that).  She screamed about how I had keys to her place once (Didn’t ask for them, she asked me to keep them after pet sitting in case I needed to stop by and watch her cats again). So now that entitles her to have a key to my house- in her crazy mind.

Now she’s already mad that I’m not having a catholic wedding. Of course I’m going to hell and no one will come to my wedding and anyone who does come will be going to hell too—which is my fault for taking people to hell with me. She’s a real peach. She’s mad that my cousins are happy for me and has decided to cut me out of her life. Ok, seriously, I’m fine with that BUT I have her damn cats. I can NOT keep them forever and I don’t want them dumped on me.  She says she will come get them as soon as she can but NOT to call her anymore. Dude, I have the cats, she shouldn’t ignore me until after she has them again.

I don’t know what to do. I feel so stuck. She doesn’t have a place for them. I don’t know if she can get her own apt on what she makes in the area (expensive) that she lives in. But I don’t want saddled with them anymore.  I just don’t know what to do and I feel so taken advantage of.  She’s crazy and I’m afraid she will dump the cats at pound or have them euthanized during an episode if I just make her get them right away.  Her mental situation is very fragile. And I think she needs the cats for therapeutic reasons too so I don’t want to get rid of them because I think she needs them.  Before she had the cats she was rocking baby dolls and singing to them.  She denies that of course, but she was.  

@USAandKSA: I appericate your advice. I was of the same mindset for a long time. I've been trying to get her help since I was 13 years old (I'm 28 now). I think part of what makes it hard is knowing that this is a mental disorder that is untreated. If I thought she was really just a mean person I would have left at 19 and never looked back. I've forgiven a lot because I know she has a mental disorder. When I try to tell her she needs help she says "You are the one with problems because you keep talking about counseling." I did get her to talk to a doctor once about depression and he gave her pills. She took them, felt better so stopped taking them all within a 2 month period. I think she knows something is wrong with her but she is really big on denial. Its gone as far as her not going to the doctor when she has sprained an ankle or fractured a bone because "Doctors have more important things to do then see me". She ignores swelling too. She normally goes 2 weeks-1 month after hurting herself before finally going to a doctor --- and she WORKED IN A HOSPITAL. She had amazing health insurance. I know this is part of her disorder. I looked into having her committed but you can't do that unless they are suicidal and she's not.

I'm also used to my mom's crazy so it doesn't stress me out as much because I distanced myself emotionally a long time ago. I have 3 dogs and 5 cats of my own. Her additional 2 cats ARE stressing me out because its additional expensive and vet care. One of her cats had a dental so now he gets medicine twice a day that he HATES. And the other one needs one-- and i have to figure out how to get her to talk to me about getting that done--- if I didn't have the cats I would just go without talking to her again. Not talking to her is normal for me, but not when I have her cats. :(

I feel a combination of feelings causing me to hestiate in giving the kitties away. 1) Gulity, because I know she does love them and they are therapeutic. She does give them clean litter and food. She's not great about vaccines and other care but she normally gets it taken care of when I bug her.  2) I don't want to deal with her freak out over the cats being gone. She'll say its fine when suggested (she's brought it up in the past) but I know she will have fits of crying and demand to know where the cats are (which of course I wouldn't tell her). I really don't want to go through that.

The cats are siblings that are 8 years old so they are not young cats.

I really want wedding bee opinions because you bees are not so close to the sitation. I think I'm probably allowing myself to be trapped.