(Closed) Creative way to involve Moms in planning?

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
898 posts
Busy bee

You can give them the opportunity to visit your venue or take them both dress shopping. My mother shares none of my tastes either, but I plan on asking for her opinion if I can’t choose between two items. Also, when it comes to assembling DIY stuff, I’m going to ask her to help, and it will be “mom/daughter” time.

If you ask opinions, just give options, don’t leave it open for her own taste. Give her choices.

Post # 4
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My step-mother is throwing my shower. I know it’s not typical, but my mother passed when I was 12 and my step-mom is way type A. This is effectively keeping her out of my hair.

Although, my step-mom is also doing all the flowers for the wedding, so she will get her chance to say something. If you are concerned about both your mom and FMIL getting over-involved in everything, pick one or two things to involve them in and stress their importance in helping you with that.

Maybe they can make phone calls to family members who have recently been married for vendor names/numbers? Maybe they can go to tastings when your FI can’t. As far as dress shopping, I would bring the moms once you’ve already narrowed it down to a few dresses and then you can get their opinions additionally on dresses you know you already like. I also suggest putting them together to find their outfits together – that way they kinda match, but aren’t wearing the same thing. Then they can bond with each other and leave you alone about your outfit!

Post # 5
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

how about musicians / djs? or helping you figure the wording for the invites, rsvp notes, etc?

Post # 6
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I have that same problem too, so I make sure to show my mom things that I buy for the wedding so she stays informed with what’s going on, and I’ll show her ideas that I have and ask for advise. I don’t always take it, but it’s always nice to ask!

Post # 7
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

For my sister’s wedding, my mom was in charge of the welcome bags for OOT guests. It seemed like a great job and she really wanted to do it, but she made too big a deal about it, which distracted her from other things we needed her to do.

For my wedding, she was in charge of flowers –not the bouquets or centerpieces, but for around the house (window boxes, potted flowers, other artful displays) and organizing the day-after cookout. This was actually more successful. She involved my MIL with the flowers, went out to Costco for the food (keeping her out of our hair at critical moment), and employed her friends for help setting up the cookout. She got a little crazy about making this checkerboard cake “for the kids” and got carried away with purchasing prizes “for the kids” (which never found their way to the cookout, I might add), but these were minor. Since the cookout was the day after, I didn’t really care. It was so laid back and totally perfect.

My point is, give you mom a job that she thinks is important, but has little bearing on what is important to you and your FI. That way everyone is happy.

Post # 8
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

“thanks but no thanks” is the way we get our name, bridezilla 🙁 unfotunately some people can’t understand that only the bride has the vision for the wedding and not everything goes…

I’d stick with things that aren’t visual: DJ, caterers, photography….have them help you find the vendors. Even if you don’t choose them, they can feel like they helped (and they prob will find some great vendors while you’re looking into the details)

Post # 9
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’d take them to food tastings. Get their opinion. Chat to them about registries, showers and rehearsal dinners. Try a give them a specific job to do – especially if they’re both excited about the wedding it’ll be a good thing for you to fall back on if they start getting OVER excited, know what I mean? 

I think it’s awesome that your mom and FMIL are so excited though! Wish I could elicit the same response from mine.

Post # 10
Member
1250 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m in a similar situation with the added complication that my mother and I not only have different tastes, but we don’t get along (and she takes it very personally when I dislike something that she is into.)

For me, its been very important to get her super involved in aspects of the wedding that are less important to me, or in aspects that we do actually agree on. For example, she really enjoys crafting, stamping, and making cards, so I’m having her DIY my invitations. This is keeping her really busy and since I’m not hung up on a certain look, I don’t mind if its different than I would have designed myself.

You can also put her in charge of other events like a shower or engagement party, as others have mentioned here. Or you can even give her tasks along with some gentle instruction (I’m putting my mom in charge of working with our florist, and gave her specific instructions on the colors and flower types I’m into.)

Good luck!

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