Post # 1
My fiance and I are getting married this summer in my home town on the east coast. We are both from the east coast, but live in California now. The vast majority of our guests (including ourselves!) will be of the “out of town” variety, so instead of a traditional rehearsal dinner, we are opting for a welcome barbecue for all guests in my parents’ backyard the evening before the wedding. We’re really excited about this element, as it will be a fun, casual way for everyone to mix & mingle before the big day.
In any case, my parents are paying for the wedding in full, and my fiance’s parents intend to contribute to the rehearsal dinner (they have not been completely clear how much, we will contribute the difference if more is needed).
The part I’m struggling with is how to credit the parents on printed materials and the website. We wanted to be inclusive on our invites, so instead of framing them as “The bride’s parents invite you to the wedding,” we plan to write “Together with their families, bride and groom invite you…” His parents, however, seem to want hosting credit called out on the rehearsal dinner invites. Beyond that, because they are hosting (or at least partially so), they want the welcome party to reflect their vision, not ours.
My parents are incredibly low key about this, and don’t feel the need to draw attention to the fact that they are financially hosting the wedding reception, and have given my fiance and I free reign on how we want to spend our wedding budget. That said, I just feel a little wrong suggesting on our invites that everyone contributed to the wedding reception, but that only my fiance’s parents are contributing to the rehearsal dinner – especially as the disparity between parental contributions is quite large.
Help? Any way to make everyone happy? Cancel the wedding and elope?
Post # 3
@DontWorryBeeHappy: I was in the same situation as you, my parents paid for the entire wedding (and honeymoon), and FI’s parents paid for the rehearsal dinner. I was in the camp that I feel like people get way too caught up in making sure their guests know who paid for what. Personally, I think it’s tacky! I think it’s appropriate for both parents names to be on the invite in some way. It’s about the marriage, not who paid for what! If you feel the same way, you can try to explain that to your FI’s parents and say that you really want to focus on your marriage together and not focus on which set of parents is inviting the guests to which part of the event.
Post # 4
I think it’s a matter of respect. My parents paid for the majority of the wedding and FIL paid for the rehearsal. We didn’t send rehearsal dinner invitations so we worded he wedding invitations to say “Mr. and Mrs. My Parents request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter my first middle to groom first middle son of…”
Post # 5
We used both sets altough it was more similar to your situation. My parent’s though wanted to make sure his parents felt included.
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
@jbh13: This 100%. I’m not trying to do a “together with their parents” when only my parents contributed.
Post # 7
LMD Why not just out of curiosity. was it your parents wish or just yours? I’m hoping you have a good relationship with the inlaws.
Post # 8
@DontWorryBeeHappy: Could you and/or FI talk to his parents about this? You said his parents “seem to want” hosting credit. Are you sure that they are asking for their names only on the rehersal and welcome party invitations?
Depending on the relationship FI and I would directly ask how they feel about “Together with their families” and see what they say. I’d have just FI ask if I was worried the conversation would get testy. Let them know your plans for the wedding invitations- maybe they are thinking they won’t be included on those and as a result want it to be known that they paid for something also. If they are wedded to the idea of only their names being on the rehersal and welcome party then I would honor their wishes and the wedding invitations would follow suit by listing my parents as hosts and including FI’s parents names in “Son of….”
Post # 9
@LMD: I didn’t mean it like that. I think it’s respectful to list both sets of parents regardless of who paid, unless neither set is being named.
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@DontWorryBeeHappy: Put a personal thank you to your parents for their contributions in the program and make sure your husband thanks them specifically in his reception speech.
Post # 11
@DZMeadowz: I agree. I think its ridiculous the in laws want a spotlight then they aren’t even contributing to the main event. That fact that you included them on the invitation was gracious and they shouldn’t be looking for more.
Post # 12
@DontWorryBeeHappy: My parents are paying for our wedding entirely. FI’s family is only paying for the rehearsal dinner and photographer (who FI INSISTED on because they are a family friend). As much as I really like FI’s family, I would feel like I was short changing my parents if I didn’t give them full credit for hosting the big event. The way I see it, FI’s family can say that they are hosting the rehearsal dinner on the invitation.
Post # 13
@DontWorryBeeHappy: I dont see how his parents can take all of the credit for the rehersal dinner if its in your parents back yard. Even if your parents do not spend a cent on the food/drink/music they will still provide the space, electricity, bathrooms, and cleanup of the event.
I would put both sets of parents on all invitations. What the grooms parents do get is the right to make the toast at the rehersal (brides parents get to toast at the reception). That should give them enough credit.