Cried at baby shower and left without goodbye :(

posted 6 months ago in TTC
Post # 2
Member
2312 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

I’m so sorry that happened to you, and I’m sure people would understand. It’s nobody’s business anyway. Don’t worry about leaving early, or anything. 

Please treat yourself kindly. You’re going through a major thing that is very frustrating at best, soul-crushing at worst. Please dont’ worry about the people at the party. Just stay close to your husband today and do something relaxing and comforting at home. I am thinking good thoughts for you.

Post # 3
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I would just be honest and let your friend know what happened. I have never been through IVF or experience anything to do with fertility issues so I admit I do not understand what you are going through. With that said, it seems to me like you are comparing your situation with hers too much and judging her for how she reacts about her situation because of what you are going through. I don’t feel that’s appropriate. 

Post # 4
Member
8094 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think your H handled it diplomatically. I would call back to apologize for running out abruptly and repeat what your H said. You did feel ill and IMO there is no need to rain on her parade. Your friend may or may not guess what brought it on. So sorry this happened to you. 

She may know you are going through IVF, but not realize how difficult it’s been for you emotionally if you’ve never shared those feelings with her. But yes, it was an insensitive comment on her part to say she was not happy that her pregnancy happened so quickly.

Post # 6
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

hollyberry4 :  When you were explaining about their situation and how they felt they got pregnant too quickly. That’s a separate situation from your own and they are completely entitled to feel however they want to feel about their pregnancy. You said they were being insensitive and sounded a little judgey about it. I’m just saying…their reaction to their pregnancy has no impact on your situation. I’m sure they weren’t intending it as a jab to your and your husband.

 

I guess I just don’t understand why you thought you’d be ok at this celebration if even that small comment made you have a reaction. I’m sorry for what you are going through, and I think being honest with your friend is the best option.

Post # 7
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

hollyberry4 :  I think your husband handled it well. I would just reach out to the friend and apologize for leaving abruptly and not saying goodbye. I’d go along with your husband’s explanation that you suddenly started to feel very ill.

Post # 9
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

hollyberry4 :  Even more reason to just be honest with her about your feelings. Otherwise, she’s probably going to think you are bitter about her pregnancy and so you “faked ill” 

You said you are close with this person so hopefully if you talk to her she will understand and will be more considerate with how she expresses her feelings of her pregnancy in the future. This might clear the air as well since you said it’s been so awkward with her being pregnant and you struggling. I understand that you don’t want to offend her but she is clearly offending you and you need to let her know that, she can’t read your mind. Some people just aren’t as sensitive as others and aren’t very tactful, it doesn’t mean they are doing or saying things with malice.

Post # 10
Member
589 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

It’s tough.  We’ve been TTC for over 2 years now, and it can really mess with your feelings.  It’s very difficult to rationalize these feelings away.  For instance, I have a brand new baby niece, and she’s absolutely beautiful.  My brother’s daughter and I’m so happy for them and I love her but I can barely stomach looking at her pictures because my SIL got pregnant so easily, and had an uneventful pregnancy and now has a beautiful daughter. And while I KNOW I should be happy for my new niece, and that it’s not anybody’s fault, and that I should be able to handle all of my emotions seperately from her, I find myself avoiding everything to do with her because I’m jealous.  It’s really hard. 

 

Post # 11
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

hollyberry4 :  You added a few quotes from this friend while I was replying to you. You obviously don’t like this person very much….. Maybe it’s best to move on from this friendship. It sounds like you are in a place in your life whee you need to be around more considerate friends.

Post # 12
Member
2036 posts
Buzzing bee

hollyberry4 : I’m confused. You are good friends, right? So just be blunt. Tell her you are happy for her but at that moment you were overwhelmed and had to leave because you were sad. I’m not sure why that is hard. Its the truth. If she’s a good friend she will understand. 

As for her saying what she did. You are her friend. often times we dont have censors with our friends. Goddess knows I don’t. She probably spoke without thinking. Will you hold that over her?

Post # 15
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

hollyberry4 :  Thanks for not getting offended! I’m glad you are going to be honest with her. If you feel like this is too good of a friend to lose over a little insensitivity and awkwardness then I think you are doing the right thing!! Good luck! I hope this clears the air and you two become closer.

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