(Closed) critique my cover letter?

posted 6 years ago in Career
Post # 3
8 posts
  • Wedding: May 2010

This is coming from someone who just recently got back into the applying-for-a-job game, so take it for whatever you think it’s worth. 

The thing that jumps out at me is that you’re not selling yourself throughout your cover letter.  You explain your current responsibilities and previous experience well, but don’t highlight that you obtain positive outcomes and that those outcomes are a direct result of your awesome skills. Right now your cover letter reads as a synopsis of your work duties and previous experience.  While you certainly want to make the potential employer aware of all the things you do that are aligned with what they will want an employee to do, I think those items should be thoroughly presented in the resume.  I think the cover letter is where you want to say, “Hey, because of all my mad skills in xyz (presumably skills enumerated in the job ad) I had all these positive outcomes in abc.”  You want the potential employer to think that you are successful in your current job and have skills to bring success to this new job.  Doing this will also help make the letter more personal and help you to stand out from the other 10,000 applicants.  (Does this paragraph/what I’m trying to say make sense?)

Perhaps you might also want to highlight how your acquired skills and experience have prepared you for the different environment of this new job?

As to the first and second paragraphs, I wouldn’t combine them because the second paragraph is already lengthy.  Even if you cut down the second paragraph, keeping them separate might be good because shorter paragraphs make it easier for employers to skim and not miss information.

Also, pleae don’t take any of this as an attack or a “you have to do cover letters this way” sort of thing.  It is just meant to be helpful advice from a fellow job seeker who also happens to hate trying to sell herself in cover letters. 



Post # 4
46 posts
  • Wedding: October 2014

My only advice with your cover letter is that you spend a lot of time listing what you’ve done at your current job and other previous experiences. You don’t really tell the employer what you can bring to them. You have to show them what you have accomplished for your current employer and past employers. For example in the paragraph where you explain how you perform group therapies and you describe the type of children you work with, you could easily describe all that in one sentence. But you should add something that shows what you accomplished with these children. “I see an average of ____ kids and have a __% success rate of children being able to _______ ” Sorry I couldnt give a great example since I’m not in your line of work, but I just wanted to show you that you have to sell yourself and show what you did rather than just describe what you did. hope that made sense and good luck!

Post # 5
1152 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

A cover letter should grab the attention of the potential employer with how you are a good fit for the company. Your resume should highlight all your responsibilities and skills. I was taught that the cover letter should include some knowledge of what the company does, what their mission is and why they should consider you. A cover letter should be concise and lead into your resume. I hope this helps!

Post # 6
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree that you should spend less space summarizing your responsibilities and experience because that is really the job of your resume.  I think you want to pick out a few key skills or experiences and talk about how those make you a good fit for the position you are applying for.  If you have a specific achievement or measure of success at work you can mention that as well.  You really only make a “case” for yourself in that one sentence at the end of your second to last paragraph, but you want to be doing that throughout.

I would edit down each of the three paragraphs talking about your three work experiences.  Then take what you do in that one line I mentioned, and do it in each of the three paragraphs.  Write a sentence for each work experience identifying one or more skills you gained at that job and why that makes you a good fit for this new position.  That’s my suggestion.  Good luck!

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