Critique my invitation wording!

posted 3 years ago in Paper
Post # 3
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

two things – are you including “(parents)” like that after the word families in the opening line? I think it is a bit redundant. 

Also, I prefer that invitations be in first-person and not third-person. “we/us”, not “they/them” but that is a matter of personal preference. 

Post # 4
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Definitely wordy, but very clear. Agree with PP with the redundancy and “they.” Your invites are off putting to me. That could be solved by using “we” or describing the “private ceremony” a different way.

 

Post # 6
Member
239 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

we are doing our wedding a similar way as you, it’s a small semi DW followed by large ‘reception’ but the two things are two days apart so ours is a bit more straightforward and our ‘reception’ invitations are just a party invitation really. Yours is wordy but I think there is much more scope for confusion with the two events being on the same day so agree you need to be clear. 

There is something clunky about this sentence for me though, ‘they invite you to join them in celebrating their union following the ceremony…. Etc etc’ but I can’t figure out why. There is a lot of ‘they’ and ‘them’ in the first bit, and then a ‘following’ and a ‘followed’ so that might be why? 

As as a total side thing, I find it crazy that there will be people getting these invitations who wouldn’t know your names! 

Post # 7
Member
239 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

CurlyCue:  yes, ‘private ceremony’ sounds a bit…. off? Is there a better way to word it?

Post # 9
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Intimate Family Ceremony or Intimate Ceremony

sinice you clearly laid out the order of events guests are invited to could you skip any mention of the ceremony? 

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