(Closed) Crossroads in our marriage, please help!

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3645 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

*hugs* I’m really sorry and I am at a loss for what to do. My only piece of advice would be to write another letter stating much of what you have told us. That you can’t be the independent woman he married because of what you have given up and how it hurts you when he says you are needy. I would also throw in that you think he is turning into a “misogynist woman hater” and that he is not the man you married.

Then I would probably leave for a few days. It sounds like he needs a serious shock to the senses because you’ve tried everything else. If that doesn’t work then I’m really sorry but it does sound like you need to leave him. 

 

Post # 4
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Wow.  If I was in your position and had just left my career, friends, family,etc only to have my husband claim I was leach and needy; I’d hit the door and wouldn’t look back.  You sacrificed parts of your life to accomodate your life with him.  I am so sorry you are going through this.

 

I would highly recommend telling him how you feel, once more, and if things don’t change, maybe you should return home?  You are not a mans doormat and truly you deserve a man who appreciates all the things you sacrificed in order to better his career.

Post # 5
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@SouthStar:  A marriage takes work from BOTH people.  If he is unwilling to do the work to maintain a successful relationship, I think you know what you need to do.  Generally I’m not a fan of throwing in the towel, but it’s pretty apparent that he is opposed to making this work.  You’re young enough to leave and re-start your life.  I’m sorry, this really sucks.  I wish you the best of luck.

Post # 6
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Leave him, seriously.  You don’t need to get a divorce yet, just move back to UK.  I don’t see any point of staying there as you mentioned he doesn’t care about your feeling anymore.  He has changed for whatever reason and in a very bad way.  I would suspect that he might want to live a single life again, just work and party with his guy friends.

Post # 7
Member
6125 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Honestly?  He sounds quite mean and doesn’t have a clue what marriage take to work.  I really don’t think he’s interested in keeping this marriage going.

 

If I were you, I’d fly home to your homebase and start a life there for a while.  He clearly does not get it or he does and he is just not being man enough to face it.

Post # 8
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Get out. I don’t know what else you can do. You’ve described someone who not only no longer cares about you, but is actively cruel to you. Go home, and be happy.

Post # 9
Member
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I am so sorry you are experiencing such disrespect from a man who vowed that he would love, honour, and protect you. You are a whole person and you cant allow him to treat you as though you are half of anything. Sweetie, it is a very critical time for you because you are at the age where you should be enjoying your life and if you choose to marry then it should be blissful given that you are still considered newlyweds. Call your family and have them send you a ticket, pack your things, and go where you are loved, accepted, and wanted. I think he has realized that he doesnt want to be married anymore but not man enough to tell you.

Post # 10
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m sorry if I’m the only one to say this but I don’t think you should ‘get out’ and ‘not look back’ after 1 and 1/2 years. It’s not a boyfriend-girlfriend thing or even an engaged couple… you’re married. I would start to go out with friends more, try counseling (if he won’t agree, maybe you go and see where it takes you), try to live by example (or continue to) and pray that he comes around.

 

live it day by day. don’t look too far ahead.

Post # 11
Member
340 posts
Helper bee

Hugs. I hoenstly feel so bad for you. He changed. You two have grown apart. He isn’t providing for you. He is looking out for himself. You are second best to him and he is his number one. That isn’t a marriage. I really really feel terrible that you are going through this bc no one deserve that when they gave up everything for someone else’s happiness and he is doing nothing for you.

So my dad always told me that a woman needs a career and to make her own money. To never ever allow a man to ‘provide’ for her because that makes you stuck in the relationship and his to control. He is SOOO right. My previous rel was LD bc I wouldn’t move for him and we broke up. My current SO wanted me to move for him and a job and I said no and he stayed and found something different bc he genuinely loves me.

My advice to you is this. Get out NOW! You are only 25. He isn’t holding up on his end of the bargan. He will ruin your life. This WILL NOT get better unless he chooses to change and that isn’t happening. He is basically cheating with the strip clubs bc I am sure the friend will buy him a dance so he isn’t the only one getting them. If you two haven’t been physical in a long time that won’t all of a sudden start up. He won’t all of a sudden give you money to enjoy life or better himself. He is greedy and selfish and you don’t deserve to be in a horrible relationship like that. You have given up everything for him. Time for you to go back home and start up your career and be the independent woman that you used to be. No more following around mr. selfish ahole.

There are so many men that would treat you better and plus happiness is the most important thing and having your own career and providing for yourself, being with family and friends, and having your own hobbies provides that. Not a dbag going to strip clubs when you tell him how much it hurts you and him not sharing at all. Get out it will only get worse. Trust me.

Post # 13
Member
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I’m so sorry that you are being treated this way. You gave up EVERYTHING including your independence for him, and he clearly neither respects nor honors nor desires you. Blahhhh. 

I think that he needs to be written a letter containing everything you said in your post. And then you must be prepared to get out right away, because it sounds like he wouldn’t take the truth very well. It does definitely sound like you need to leave him. Please make sure you have at least enough money to fund a trip back to your family; maybe talk to them and have them help you if you don’t have money of your own? I think, if you have a good relationship with anyone in your family and they have a little money to spare, they would be happy to help you.

You’re my age, and I can’t imagine being tied to someone who made me feel so bad and limited my life SO extremely. He sounds really awful to be around– soul-destroyingly awful. Please do get out of this marriage. He is no longer the person you said those vows to, and does not deserve you.

Post # 14
Member
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@SouthStar:  Oh, goodness, I didn’t see your update. I am SO GLAD you decided to go home without this man! Good for you! You will heal, and someday there will be someone who treats you well and deserves you. You are right, that was no way to live your life. It is YOUR life and you deserve to have a say in what happens to you!

Post # 15
Member
791 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Good for you! Take control of your life and do thing to make yourself happy and independent. Why were you depending on him to give you money? Don’t let anyone ever treat you like this again including your husband. If he doesn’t come around you can make other decisions about your marriage. Very few things in life can’t be changed and you are far too young to waste any time being treated poorly. Life goes by too quickly and you only get one turn at it. I wish you all the best!

Post # 16
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I can’t BELIEVE he called you a leech and needy.

What a fucking scumbag.

I am SO SORRY you made so many sacrifices for such a spineless, malicious man.

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