(Closed) Crying… :(

posted 9 years ago in Encore
Post # 3
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

wow…I dont have much to say Gothy, but I am so sorry that it so horrible you are being basically being held at fault for what happend 10 yrs ago!

Post # 4
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

You didn’t waste your chance!  You made a mistake 10 years ago and your mom is trying to make you pay for a lifetime.

You have to hold your head high and block out any of the belittling your mother is doing.  She is only one person in a cast of many who is involved in your wedding.  Don’t let her ruin it by trying to make you feel guilty.

You should be reveling in the fact that you found the right man, and you have every right to celebrate with gifts, parties, and even a white dress if that was what you wanted.

I know it would be devestating if your mom didn’t come… but if she is really going to do something like that over whether you register or not, you have to ask yourself “Would I really want her there?”

I am so sorry that you are sad.  Please don’t let the negativity get to you!

Post # 5
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

What about your bridesmaids and MOH, usually they will “throw” you a shower?  Your mom and your family doesn’t need to be invited.  It can be your friends, and some of FI’s family.

Post # 6
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

The only bright side of your family refusing to pay for the wedding is that they don’t get to control it.  If you and your FI are paying for it and you both want a honeymoon registry, you can go right ahead and have one.  If your FI’s family or your friends want to throw you a bridal shower, you should go.  If your family chooses to boycott these events, that is their choice.

Post # 7
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Wow,  no offense but I would like to punch your mom in the face.  That is so not right, yes you made a mistake by marrying the guy, but she can’t martyr you for the rest of your life because of it.  It isn’t fair, and if I were you I would have everything you want that you can afford and tell your mom you guess she won’t be there.

Sorry, but I’m vindictive and if my mom treated me like that I would totally do it just to spite her

Post # 9
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I don’t have anything to add but “WOW!” I send you a very big ((hug)). I was divorced by the time I was 22, so yeah, mistakes happen.

Post # 10
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I say you should do whatever makes you happy. Your family,mad or not, should recognize that people deserve second chances. Maybe you can sit down and talk to your mom about the way your feeling. Let them know that you feel that he is the one for you. Let them know that with or without their blessings, you deserve to the best and you deserve to be happy.

Big hugs and best of luck to you.

 

P.s

about the future in laws not knowing about the first marriage, I’d say as long as you FI knows that’s all that matters. What difference should it make to them.

Post # 12
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Gothy, I think that in terms of telling your FMIL about your past, that is totally up to you.  If you think it’ll change her perspective of you, maybe you shouldn’t tell her.  There are many things about us that our respective FIL’s don’t know, and I think they are better left unsaid.  As long as your FI knows and is fine with it, than that’s all that really matters.

Post # 13
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think your putting too much pressure on yourself. Life happens. Mistakes are made. “Your past makes you who you are today.”

Bottom line is this is YOUR wedding and you deserve to be happy.

Post # 15
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m sorry, I’m not a nice person, if one mistake from a decade ago was being rubbed in my face, I would do what was best for me and my husband and ignore whoever it was (yes, even my own mother) because she is not who I’m spending the rest of my life with. I’d do it to spite her anyway, who on earth does she think she is telling you what you can and can’t do at 32? You’re not 12 anymore.

 

*edit* I wouldn’t think [honeymoon registry]it was tacky, lots of ppl already live together and have the set up so don’t need the towels/knives/china set etc and the costs add up with a honeymoon on top

Post # 16
Member
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

You don’t only get one chance!

This is your wedding and you should have everything that you want that goes along with it! If your FMIL wants to throw you a shower (Just don’t tell your mom) and I think you should still go ahead and register!

Good luck – And remember YOU DO DESERVE EVERYTHING YOU WANT for your wedding!!!!!

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