Post # 1
I was married 10 years ago for 3 weeks. I was barely out of college and wanted to move out of my parents house. I did not want to go through with it, the night before was the worst night of my life, and I wanted to die. I only went thru because my parents threw a huge gala and I was afraid they’d be pissed if I cancelled. 3 weeks later the guy hit me and I left. It was annulled and I was left broke (he took all the gifts and money).
Fast forward 10 years. I have met my prince. We are engaged and because of my past mistake, my parents (who are very wealthy) refuse to give us even so much as a wedding gift. Fine. We will pay for a very small wedding ourselves. It breaks my heart and makes me cry, daily, that I wasted my only chance at a fairy tale wedding on a mistake but whatever. I was a stupid kid.
My biggest issue right now is I see other women getting bridal showers and registering for honeymoon sites. My mother has told me if “I dare” to do any of these things she will not even come to my wedding.
So because I screwed up at 22, does this mean at 32 with the man of my dreams that I am entitled to nothing. No shower? No registry? No nice wedding? I don’t want a white dress, but what if I did? According to my mother I’d be a laughing stock.
My FI’s family wants me to have these things. I don’t think he’s told his family I was married before because it was an annullment, not a divorce and neither FI or I care about it, or thought about it at all until my mom started bringing it up.
FI wants me to have these things. His mother wants to make sure I get a shower and all the special bridal things but maybe it’s because she doesn’t know?
This is breaking my heart. I wish I didn’t waste my only chance. 🙁 A honeymoon registry would help FI and I so much but then I’ll have to listen to everyone on my side of the family calling me tacky, and all other kinds of things.
Post # 3
wow…I dont have much to say Gothy, but I am so sorry that it so horrible you are being basically being held at fault for what happend 10 yrs ago!
Post # 4
You didn’t waste your chance! You made a mistake 10 years ago and your mom is trying to make you pay for a lifetime.
You have to hold your head high and block out any of the belittling your mother is doing. She is only one person in a cast of many who is involved in your wedding. Don’t let her ruin it by trying to make you feel guilty.
You should be reveling in the fact that you found the right man, and you have every right to celebrate with gifts, parties, and even a white dress if that was what you wanted.
I know it would be devestating if your mom didn’t come… but if she is really going to do something like that over whether you register or not, you have to ask yourself “Would I really want her there?”
I am so sorry that you are sad. Please don’t let the negativity get to you!
Post # 5
What about your bridesmaids and MOH, usually they will “throw” you a shower? Your mom and your family doesn’t need to be invited. It can be your friends, and some of FI’s family.
Post # 6
The only bright side of your family refusing to pay for the wedding is that they don’t get to control it. If you and your FI are paying for it and you both want a honeymoon registry, you can go right ahead and have one. If your FI’s family or your friends want to throw you a bridal shower, you should go. If your family chooses to boycott these events, that is their choice.
Post # 7
Wow, no offense but I would like to punch your mom in the face. That is so not right, yes you made a mistake by marrying the guy, but she can’t martyr you for the rest of your life because of it. It isn’t fair, and if I were you I would have everything you want that you can afford and tell your mom you guess she won’t be there.
Sorry, but I’m vindictive and if my mom treated me like that I would totally do it just to spite her
Post # 8
Thanks girls. I’m so glad I found this site. It helps a lot.
I’m so lucky to have found my fiance. He’s been amazing and understanding. He keeps saying he will do whatever it takes to make sure I have a great wedding. And I want him to have the best to. I know he wants an actual wedding as opposed to eloping (he has a big close knit family) so I want him to have that. Otherwise, I’d just run away with him.
I was just looking at the honeymoon registry and it looks like it would be such a good thing for us. But I feel like I am not allowed to register because of my past. Doesn’t my future husband deserve it though? Why should he miss out too?
Post # 9
I don’t have anything to add but “WOW!” I send you a very big ((hug)). I was divorced by the time I was 22, so yeah, mistakes happen.
Post # 10
I say you should do whatever makes you happy. Your family,mad or not, should recognize that people deserve second chances. Maybe you can sit down and talk to your mom about the way your feeling. Let them know that you feel that he is the one for you. Let them know that with or without their blessings, you deserve to the best and you deserve to be happy.
Big hugs and best of luck to you.
about the future in laws not knowing about the first marriage, I’d say as long as you FI knows that’s all that matters. What difference should it make to them.
Post # 11
My only concern is that his mom (who loves me) will find out and that it will change her opinion of me. Right now she’s picturing bridal showers, and helping me pick out registry items. And I want these things but I just feel like I shouldn’t. 🙁
I don’t have any close female friends. I know that sounds weird, but my two best girl friends are in other states and likely will not be able to be in the wedding at all. My other best friend is a guy so I will likely have him stand up as my “witness”. But I don’t think he’ll be too keen on throwing a bridal shower. If anyone throws one, it will be my future MIL.
Post # 12
Gothy, I think that in terms of telling your FMIL about your past, that is totally up to you. If you think it’ll change her perspective of you, maybe you shouldn’t tell her. There are many things about us that our respective FIL’s don’t know, and I think they are better left unsaid. As long as your FI knows and is fine with it, than that’s all that really matters.
Post # 13
I think your putting too much pressure on yourself. Life happens. Mistakes are made. “Your past makes you who you are today.”
Bottom line is this is YOUR wedding and you deserve to be happy.
Post # 14
Do you ladies think registering for the honeymoon reg would be tacky? Then it would truly be for both FI & I and not just girly home stuff (FI is not a cooker, cleaner or otherwise domestic man lol) like people usually reg for. And it would allow us to take a small honeymoon.
If I was your sister, friend, daughter, etc. would you think I was awful for doing that?
Post # 15
I’m sorry, I’m not a nice person, if one mistake from a decade ago was being rubbed in my face, I would do what was best for me and my husband and ignore whoever it was (yes, even my own mother) because she is not who I’m spending the rest of my life with. I’d do it to spite her anyway, who on earth does she think she is telling you what you can and can’t do at 32? You’re not 12 anymore.
*edit* I wouldn’t think [honeymoon registry]it was tacky, lots of ppl already live together and have the set up so don’t need the towels/knives/china set etc and the costs add up with a honeymoon on top
Post # 16
You don’t only get one chance!
This is your wedding and you should have everything that you want that goes along with it! If your FMIL wants to throw you a shower (Just don’t tell your mom) and I think you should still go ahead and register!
Good luck – And remember YOU DO DESERVE EVERYTHING YOU WANT for your wedding!!!!!