crying at my desk, it has hit the fan, folks. (vent)

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@MissOtter:  All I can say is I’m so sorry that you are going through this and it makes me think about what will happen with my children in few years since it’s similar.

Post # 4
Member
1951 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@MissOtter:  what a crappy situation. I can’t offer much in terms of advice, but it sounds like your dad is just trying to do as much as he can for your wedding, while trying to keep you in the dark about his financial issues. He probably still wants you to see him as “dad” – strong, providing, protective, etc., but he’s just not able to follow through. 

Your mom sounds pretty amazing, though. She is focused on the right things: you, your FI, and making your big day special. 

Post # 5
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Hugs 🙁 I’m so sorry. It’s horrible how family can make us hurt like nothing else. I’m glad that your mom has been wonderful and supportive to you. But, are you willing to let her dictate your relationship with your father during your wedding? Is sparing her the stress and discomfort of knowing your dad is helping out worth continuing to harm your relationship with him and your step mom? I know that it’s hard, when we take sides, to see what’s really going on- but, to me, it doesn’t seem right that she is willing to effectively negate the things that your dad can contribute to the wedding. 

Just…think about it before you decide anything. If she’s concerned that he won’t follow through with what he’s promised, or something like that, it might be a different story… but right now, it sounds like she wants you to just write him off for her sake. And I don’t know if that’s fair. It might be, but that’s up to you, not her. 

I’m sorry that you’re stuck in the middle 🙁 

Post # 6
Member
362 posts
Helper bee

If your getting married I would say you should be financially sound so I would just pay for everything yourself rather than dragging everyone else and their financial situation into it.  Then they don’t have to worry and can just show up for the big day and you can do whatever you want with your wedding.  If you cant afford it then postpone or scale back your wedding until you can

Post # 8
Hostess
8725 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m so sorry. It seems like you have your mother to lean on, so that’s wonderful. I would always assume that people won’t go through with what they say, as in, always have a back-up plan. It’s nice that your father will attend the wedding and that he’s welcome, but maybe that is all. I hope that he comes clean with you about not being able to pay for items. ((HUGS))

Post # 10
Member
3948 posts
Honey bee

@MissOtter:  It sounds like your dad is trying to help you the only way he financially can right now.

Post # 12
Member
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MissOtter:  Hey, lady. Sorry you’re having to deal with this. The up side is that your mom sounds absolutely wonderful. She wasn’t venting to you, she jsut decided that the situation was such that you needed to be aware of some things. She also isn’t trying to emotionally manipulate you into who you can and can’t have in your wedding/life.

I am sure that you guys will find a happy ballance between you (and your mom’s) emotional safety, and an appropriate level of involvement from your dad. I’m sorry that he told you he’d pay for your dress, and now can’t. Did you purchase it already with a budget from him in mind?

Post # 14
Member
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MissOtter:  YAY! Glad that your dress persuit is not in danger. 🙂 If I were you, I’d be watching a few kitten and puppy videos on youtube and trying to shake off my disappointment. It doesn’t work in all cases, but occassionally, just watching something that makes me smile (over and over) will make me feel better.

Post # 15
Member
2276 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@MissOtter:  seeing that the wedding is a bit off. i would come up with back up plans. I think not including him if he is serious about helping couldbe hurtful, but ultimately it is your day and you need to do what is best for you. 🙂 Good luck.

Post # 16
Member
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@MissOtter:  I should have said similar to a point…with the money being owed, etc..however there is not a chance of cordiality between us. I don’t speak to him at all because after he left he was stalking me…there were restraining orders against him…he threatened to kill me and others…publicly screamed at friends…the list goes on. The only thing his new wife has said to me is ‘bitch’…I have never spoken to her or communicated with her and have only seen her twice in my life!

 

I could ignore him (sort of) if he was in a large room with me as long as he stays away. When it comes to him saying to the kids that he will do this or buy that for them it just pisses me off although I don’t say anything to them. He owes me about 10K and never follows through with any promises and my kids have had and will continue to have a life of disappointments when it comes to him.

 

My oldest daughter is 18 now and got really messed up because he convinced her to move in with him a few years ago and let her quit school. She tends to direct her anger at me because I’m the one that has always been there for her and she knows that I love her. The problem with that is it’s starting to affect her brother and sister negatively and I’m at the point in having to ask her to move out to protect them…she’s basically doing exactly what her father did.

 

Anyways…a lot more complicated than the this but gives the basic idea.

 

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