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If this behaviour isn't normal for her, I would be concerned about some mental health issues. Is there any way that you can maybe have a doctor check her out? I'm sorry about the added stress on your wedding day.
It sounds to me like your mother needs psychiatric help, not a hospital. There are drugs that can help with her symptoms. Seriously, seek help!!! She'll get better. When is your wedding? Maybe she'll be closer to her normal self by then if she decides to get help.
Well this is a hard situation. Are you long distance from your parents? That could make it harder to deal with. All and all be thankful that your dad is willing to stand by her. I know this must be so hard to deal with, but try not to let it get you down to much. It sounds like she is just going through something right now. Hopefully she can get the help she needs.
Seek professional help for her (a local mental health facility, not a hospital). Even if she doesn't want to go on her own, she needs to see someone asap since she is a risk to herself and everyone around her.
If she is truly have schizo delusions, she needs to see a mental health professional immediately as medication and counseling could help enormously.
Please be there for her to do this, as it could bring your mother back to who she was.
I think you may want to find a professional to speak with about this. This sounds like it will continue to be very stressful for you (for anyone!) and really - your whole view of your mother as the nurturer, provider, confidante has changed. You are going to be mourning that. A professional can assist you with your stress, your grief and give you tips and tools to better handle relating to someone with mental illness and assist with forming healthier relationship.
Best of luck.
Yes she needs psychiatric help but she's convinced that my Dad plotted with doctors (doctors are on the mafia payroll) to frame her as being psychotic. That she's perfectly normal. So going to a psychiatrist is out of the question. The hospital she went to was a psychiatric one and wouldn't keep her there against her will unless they see her hurt herself or others. I can't imagine the hellish world she thinks is reality. My dad is often still in denial, because 3 years ago she was still fine.
I don't see why you need to seek help for yourself since you are not the one having the paranoia. She's clearly chosen that line of thinking and refuses help so there really isn't anything you can do at this point except ignore her, unless she does threaten to harm herself or someone else, and in that case she can be taken somewhere against her will for her safety and that of those around her.
Oh, my goodness. What if you suggest going to a doctor? Would you be in on the conspiracy?
I wanted to add that psychiatrists and mental health facilities have all told me they have their hands tied unless she is willing to seek help herself so I have to just be patient.
@Wishingforasimplelife: Ok, that makes no sense! Don't most delusional people think that they are the ones that are normal, and everyone else is out to get them??? They can't even evaluate her??
Yes they can evaluate her if she goes in willingly. The only way she can get help against her will is if she tries to hurt herself or others. She got caught doing that once, which is how she ended up at the hospital psychiatric emergency room. But even so they will keep her 72 hrs max without her permission.
Ember78, I'm usually bad at ignoring her. I need to work on that better.
I'm really sorry you're going through this. Unfortunately I know all to well the challenges of getting a family member the help they need for their mental health issues when they do not think they have a problem and do not want help. It's a very tough situation to be in.
Also, if she tries to hurt herself again, request to speak to the social worker at the hospital and say that you're not trying to get information (because they can't give you any), but that you want to make them aware of other attempts to harm herself. The mental health system is fragmented (worse that the medical system) and it's really easy for pertinent information to slip through the cracks. You may be able to make them aware of information they didn't know (even if she was already in that hospital system previously). If there are multiple attempts, they might be able to go to court and obtain an order to hold her longer (if she could be a danger to herself or others). At the very least, it might give them time to develop a better plan and stabilize her on medications.
I'm sorry you're going through this! HUGS!
My uncle has the same illness. It is one of the toughest things to deal with. It helps to realize that it's the illness talking and that your mom is still there underneath it. I'm so sorry you're going through this, major hugs. You need to do the best you can to ignore it. You can try to petition a court to commit her involuntarily but every time you someone gets committed against their will it gets harder to do it the next time. Did they get her on any sort of medication regimine when she was in the hospital the first time? Does your dad maybe have a Durable Power of Attorney for your mom? If not, it's something to check out along with an Advanced Healthcare Directive once your mom is stable.
Wishing, I am so sorry. Mental illness sucks. It sucks so much. You need to remember what's going on with your mom is not anyone's fault. Not yours, not your dad's. Not hers, either, no more than if she had cancer or alzheimers or any other kind of illness.
Maybe you can call some local psychiatrists and see if they have any ideas on how you could convince her to go in? It sucks that there's nothing you can do to make her go; don't blame yourself if you can't talk her into it. The best you can do is treat yourself gently and try to be there for your dad.
She's clearly chosen that line of thinking
She hasn't "chosen" that line of thinking, any more than someone chooses to have their appendix burst. Unfortunately, unlike a burst appendix, this particular health crisis creates an inability to see it as a crisis and seek/accept treatment.
@Wishingforasimplelife: I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. All I can offer is to try to meet with psychiatrists who specialize in working with patients AND their families, and see what they suggest in terms of protecting yourself, your father, and your mom. Big hugs, and good luck.
so sorry to hear that you're having to deal with this. I'm not an expert by ANY means, but have you ever considered the possibility that it's not a mental illness and that instead it might be a brain tumor? I've heard stories about brain tumors dramatically changing someone's personality. It's just something I wanted to throw out there, since you mentioned that your mom was normal just a few years ago. wishing you the best. I hope things look up for you and your family.
Thanks for the responses. My mom was put on medication risperdal but she was only in the psych ward for 72 hours. Afterwards, she didn't see any doctor and she tossed the medication.
As for finding ways of convincing her, I don't have a clue. She has always distrusted doctors, even when she wasn't like this. Now she thinks they are on my Dad's payroll. I asked her to choose her own, but she won't accept logic. She even came off his health plan and bought her own despite the high cost to get regular doctors who are not on my Dad's payroll (not mental health related)
Spoonful, when she went to the psych emergency room that one time, the first two things they test for are drug use and tumor. She came out clean.
thanks for all the support. She does have days or weeks that are worse and some that are better. I'm hoping my wedding coincides with a happy, not-as-paranoid day. Maybe she will realize that she did live to see me get married.
I also need to grow a thicker skin. Not all her paranoid actions are dangerous. I will pick my fights and ignore others. I've caught her on an agreeable day and she agreed to marriage counseling, but then adamantly refused the next day.
I kinda feel bad because she gave me more money than she would have if she weren't sick. (for the wedding). Maybe because she felt she couldn't live past the wedding, she wants it to be a huge deal. But I didn't know at the time. I will try to save up and pay her back for some of it.
thanks again for all the support
@Wishingforasimplelife: How old is your mom? Has she started to do other things like become more forgetful? Is she hallucinating or just paranoid? A lot of dementias can present with paranoia, so it may be worthwhile to have a neurologist work her up as well (although if they scanned her brain they should have noticed any atrophy or anything). It's REALLY uncommon for someone to develop schizophrenia beyond their 20s or 30s, so I would make a good effort to search for another cause. It will be hard since she's distrustful of doctors, but if you have a copy of the CT/MRI maybe you can take it in to one of your dad's docs and have him take a look.
Sorry you're going through this, that sucks :(
While the situations are not identical, there are a lot of similarities between some of what you've posted and what I'm going through, too.
The biggest kick-in-the-gut for me is the grief that goes along with all of this. On top of dealing with all the stress that something like this can cause just in terms of having to care for and work around the illness (sometimes in really creative ways!), there's the huge sense of loss, too. My whole life I've been able to turn to this particular family member for anything and everything and I never imagined that I wouldn't have that support as I'm planning the most monumental day in my life thus far. I never imagined that there'd be this huge role-reversal. And I so get wishing you'd eloped. :)
Anyway, I just want to thank you for posting this. I really didn't expect to find anyone who could relate at all. I'm so sorry that anyone can relate, but since you can, I'm glad you chose to share it. Let yourself have some space to process all of this. I'm finding that it helps. *hugs*
Mental illness happens to the best of families. It is good that you have support.
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I am a regular bee under an alias. I didn't know if I should share this but I am at my breaking point and needed to get this off my chest.
3 years ago my mother was normal. I had a loving family. My parents were going to retire happily. When I first started planning my wedding, my mother had some paranoid ideas but at times she was better. Lately she has gone full blown paranoid schizophrenic.
She thinks my Dad has multiple lovers and has had them for a decade. She thinks he's trying to kill her (chemical weapons, snipers, mafia...) She constantly thinks my life is in danger and she has to do things to protect us. Things like forbidding me from going to certain parts of the world. Things like not inviting certain people to the wedding. Things like messing with the house, leaving all doors wide open all hours of the day. Things that change every few weeks and come suddenly.
She was hospitalized after one episode in which she put herself in danger but the hospital can't keep you unless you're actively trying to kill yourself or hurt others. She came out even more convinced that my dad is trying to discredit her as crazy. She has done many many dangerous things to "protect the family" and I am constantly worried about her.
Her favorite phrase is "I can't tell you over the phone, but I will tell you when I see you for the wedding." I just know she will sit me down the day before the wedding and tell me a million things she's paranoid about. I will be super upset and the wedding will be torture. (I also did invite relatives to the wedding who supposedly according to her are trying to kill me or slept with my dad).
Worse yet, the wedding is my mom's big focus now. She's afraid she won't live to see it and it makes planning take on a new meaning for her. I really wish that had eloped. Now I have a big "perfect" wedding and I'll have to smile and pretend to be happy.
My FI knows and is supportive. Future in laws don't know. Everyone seems to deal with this better than me, including my dad who is determined to stay with my mom. Sometimes I think I'm too sensitive.