(Closed) crying in front of SO/FI/DH??

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I was able to hold it in for a while and I’m a BIG cryer, but now I just let it flow! He always pokes fun at me (in a romantic way) when I’m crying over someone singing a sad song on The Voice or something like that, but I have completely broken down, hysterically crying, he’s seen that too. Nothing to be ashamed of! It’s OK to show your emotions once in a while, especially when you’ve got a lot going on like that!

Post # 4
Member
9625 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Glasgowbound:   Being vulnerable and allowing your emotions to flow and show is natural and healthy.  Tears are stress-relieving and cleansing to the mind and soul. 

What is it with women worrying so much all the time about being “that girl,” with regard to showing any type of emotions around men?  I hear it all the time here on the Bee!  With regard to showing jealousy or emotions – or being needy or vulnerable – is considered being “that girl.” 

Well, I must be “that girl.”  And nobody who knows me would describe me as anything but a confident and strong woman. 

It takes MORE strength of character and courage to be true to yourself and your own emotions.  Don’t clamp down on them!  Don’t allow your emotions to rule you – ever – but FEEL them and own them and use them as the tools for self-discovery they are.  Always be in control of your emotions without shutting them off or stifling them.  Emotions and logic should go hand in hand.  Self-control is a learned skill.

However, all that said, I’m NOT a crier, either, at all.  The rare times I have cried in front of my husband, from grief over some very sad news, he held me and said, “I love you so much and everything will be ok.”

Sorry for the lecture, lol.  🙂

Post # 6
Member
6365 posts
Bee Keeper

FI hardly ever sheds a single tear (which annoys me!) but he told me that when he was a teenager and angry, sometimes the other person wouldn’t take him seriously, because he would tear up. And what a big mistake this was on the part of the other person, because although the tears came from pain, they did not diminish his strength nor anger in any way…and like me, he had worse control over his anger as a teen, so it was especially foolish to not take him seriously when he was very angry back then.

Anyway, I tend to tear much more easily than him…especially when very angry, and like him it’s something I try to suppress and wish I didn’t do because people tend to take me less seriously, causing them not to realize what I’m really conveying (like him I feel angry but strong in those times, NOT weak or defeated. Crying does not signal “white flag,” but rather, “watch out”).

However, at home, I know my FI understands, respects, and doesn’t fear it. He knows it’s no “white flag” and also that I’m not a delicate piece of china about to break. it’s a sign similar to raising my voice, a sign of being upset, that’s all… and we don’t fear expressing anger/pain to each other (in a respectful way). I wouldn’t say he ignores it, but he also doesn’t make it a bigger deal than it needs to be. I think he deals with it really well. That has made me feel more free to be myself and not be ashamed of my tears.

I think crying must be a good thing. I know for me tears do release some pain, making me calmer without smashing my fist into a wall (when I was a teen I did that instead). Puffy red eyes are one thing, puffy red knuckles are worse. (No, I don’t ever hit inanimate -or animate!- objects anymore). I’m grateful my FI makes it easier for me to express my negative emotions in a healthier way.

ETA: Here’s a good graphic about it I stole from Jezebel.

 

Post # 7
Member
2029 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Glasgowbound:  If i cry..hes the reason, or my parents are frustrating me.  Thats really it.  I have had several break downs in the last two years from school, work, wedding.  But he always lets me cry and will hold me til I stop.  How long have you been TTC?  All that stress will throw you hormones off.  Luckily the school year is almost over and you can get a massage and facial and really start TTC 🙂

Post # 8
Member
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I am not a cryer so having FI see me cry is kind of embarrassing. I don’t know why… it just is. Maybe because I am so used to being the strong one in so many different facets of my life.

Post # 9
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

I dont think there is anything wrong with crying or a reason to be embarassed about doing so in front of your partner. I just cried last night, it was theraputic and I felt better afterwards. My husband has cried in front of me too (although very rarely) and its fine.

Post # 10
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Glasgowbound:  I genuinely hate crying in front of anyone except FI. I never thought I would be this way but he’s a good comforter when I do cry and he always wants to wipe my tears and cuddle me. Everyone needs a good cry from time to time so it’s nice when the person you love the most is cool with it. 

Post # 11
Member
2495 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m very emotional, and cry infront of DH often. He cries as well, but I can count the amount of times it’s happened on one hand… and we’ve been together 12 1/2 years.

Post # 12
Member
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I’ve only really cried in front of my SO twice — and both of those times were pretty much meltdowns. I mean full on sobbing, not being able to talk or breathe, snot running everywhere, etc. Luckily, he was only the cause of one of those ….

Post # 13
Member
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Nurse_Bee:  I don’t like for him to see me cry either. It also doesn’t help that I am the ugliest cryer on the face of the earth.

Post # 14
Member
1685 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’ve cried in front of him, he’s cried in front of me (albeit a lot less).  It happens.  We try to stay honest and open about our feelings and our needs. 

We’ve been through a lot together over the past decade: losing friends, losing family, sickness, health, travel, huge life changes.  If I can’t allow myself to be genuine around him, who could I be myself with? 

There is nothing wrong with expressing emotions in front of your SO as long as you communicate where it’s coming from.

Post # 15
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

i cry a lot. like i cry at the silliest things (commercials can even get a few tears out of me). so FI is used to my emotional ways. i cry when i’m very, very upset too. i’ve never felt embarrassed crying in front of my FI, even when we were just dating. crying is as natural as laughing in my opinion, so no shame!

Post # 16
Member
9069 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

No I’m pretty emotional sometimes so I can cry pretty easily.  I cry if I’m sad or I cry if I get really angry too.  I actually don’t like that I can’t help but cry out of frustration when I’m angry because often times people think I’m sad or upset when I’m really just pissed off. 

If I’m really upset about something he often cries too because it makes him upset.  He’s a little bit of a softie and he cries pretty easily too even though very few people know about it! Smile

I don’t care about crying, it’s just another emotion.

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