Culture? Clash with the Future in-laws rant?

posted 2 years ago in Intercultural
Post # 2
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t have any experience with Russian FILs but I did have 2 of the best MIL’s that ever walked the face of the planet.  I was very lucky.

The one thing I want to share, for your FI is this:  She can only ruin his day if he CHOOSES to allow that to happen.  He can have a wonderful wedding day even knowing she is going to be a witch about it IF HE CHOOSES TO DO SO.

He can have a ruined wedding day if she acts like a witch IF HE CHOOSES TO DO SO.

See where this is going?  Her actions can ruin his or your day unless you consciously choose to loet it happen.  Please don’t do that.

Post # 3
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Check out some of my family posts. I’ve read a lot of similar stories on the bee with future in laws being from an African country, Indian, Asian- you name an area and there have been huge problems with future in-laws and wedding planning. Ppl often use culture as an excuse, but you’ll see that this also happens where bride and groom share the same ethnic/cultural heritage. Some FPIL start acting nuts after a couple gets engaged, then start making unreasonable demands, and acting as though they can’t do certain reasonable things.

My FMIL repeatedly acted as though the color aqua in pictures was actually a lavender color because she wanted to pick our wedding colors and preferred lavender (when I do not like pastels) over aqua. Insanity. His father never gave us a list of guests (in 14 months), so we stopped asking and sent out invites to the ppl my FI wanted to invite. His mom listed ppl who my FI didn’t know at all, but my FI’s parents wouldn’t talk to us or accept anything from us when save the dates and invites went out, so we invited who we wanted. my FI’s parents arent paying a dime for the wedding, but would have preferred to control it all even though, in their own culture, the bride’s family controls the wedding. 

like a PP said, we now believe that his parents can only ruin our day if we let them. And we won’t let them. We are paying far too much to not enjoy our one and only wedding just because his parents might throw a fit. Who cares?


his parents refused to listen to anything my FI had to say, stopped talking to us for several months for no reason, and cursed our marriage and future children, but his mom is now upset that she won’t have a special role at the wedding (I guess in processional, grand entrance at reception, getting the mic or receiving special thanks from us). Oh well. Too bad. 

If either of his parents come, we have plans for making it bother him as little as possible when they act up. He will only walk out to the ceremony immediately before the processional starts and his back will be twds where his parents would sit, we’ve agreed to focus only on each other during the ceremony even if his parents mumble stuff or walk out, we’d sit his parents at a nice “VIP” table at reception but w strategic seating so my FI can’t see their faces, and we’ve agreed that neither of us will get involved at all if his parents cry, storm out, etc.- we’ll let them leave.

we have chosen to politely ignore them if they come. We WILL enjoy our day.  I hope you do the same. 

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