- 2 years ago
Looking for advice. Trying to see if this is a typical experience.
My FH is from Russia and we are getting married later this month. He is the oldest and only son. They moved to US from Russia over 20 years ago. I got along pretty well with the in laws until our engagement.
We are paying 100% for our own wedding. From the start I felt my FMIL was making demands and being uncooperative. My FH and I asked her for a guest list in July and the following February she still had not supplied the list. I had to ask her four times for one relatives address, a woman she wanted to invite who lives a town away from her, and she never gave me the address. She insisted that certain distant relatives be invited, despite our small budget and my FH’s objections. I stood up for her wishes and invited them, hoping she would cool it. but it felt like she gave orders and then made it impossible to carry them out. She bought a WHITE suit for my FFIL to wear to our wedding. Regardles of how many times we explain to her that we are having a formal evening wedding, (and my fiance reviews appropriate attire with her) she continues to say she does not understand what that means. When I told her, at my FH’s request, the 4 different color options my FSIL could choose from when selecting a dress – any dress of her choice that is long and one of those colors – because she is in our wedding, she replied that her daughter wasn’t planning on wearing anything like what I had mentioned and said it will be nearly impossible to find a long black dress (one of the options) in a store.
For a while I tried to update her on plans as things came together but she never had anything nice to say and always had many criticisms. It felt that she was immediately shooting me down whenever I tried to keep her informed. I have since stopped discussing the wedding with her, and she has not asked for updates but has complained to my fiance that I am trying to cut them out of our lives. Recently she is very cold to me and my FH and he is concerned she is going to act miserable at the wedding, thus, in his words, ruining his day.
I am wondering if this is a common experience brides have, especially anyone dealing with FILs from Russia? My FH keeps telling me it is a cultural issue between myself and his parents. I am very dissapointed that they have not made any effort to understand American wedding customs and etiquette. I feel they act like this wedding is about them, even though they are not paying for a penny of it.
I am in the process of converting to Judaism and I know this is a big deal for them because they want Jewish grandchildren. I am doing everything I can to incorporate Jewish religion/traditions into our wedding despite my FH’s disinterest. Nothing is good enough.
Any feedback or advice?