Curious about the bee's opinions on this!

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Was her family rude, or are they justified?
    Yes, they are justified.. if Christmas is for close family only, then so be it. : (7 votes)
    3 %
    Well, its ok if Christmas is for just family only, but once the invite was extended it should stay. : (52 votes)
    19 %
    No, its' kind of odd that they are so against the gf joining... kind of rude how they acted! : (63 votes)
    23 %
    I would be thinking about leaving the bf, I don't know that I could deal with a family like that. : (49 votes)
    18 %
    I would still stay with the bf and see if it gets better later : (20 votes)
    7 %
    The bf should stand by his families' decision : (3 votes)
    1 %
    The bf should stand up for his gf if she's important to him : (84 votes)
    30 %
  • Post # 3
    2419 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    Hmm. Her boyfriend should have stood up for her since he already invited her. If I were this girl, I would seriously be taking a look at the relationship. I would also feel super super uncomfortable meeting them later.

    I was with my FI for 5 months when he took me to Thanksgiving dinner with his family. They welcomed me with open arms.

    I feel super terrible for the girl because now she has to spend Christmas completely alone. I would never in a million years uninvite someone I knew would have to spend the holidays alone.

    Post # 4
    858 posts
    Busy bee

    Poor Girl! People have traditions, yes. But isnt christmas about the love, food and having fun. Maybe my family was just raised differently, but if we knew of a friend that was spending christmas alone because family was away, my family would open our doors. Close friend or not.

    The fact that the family could be so rude about a gf coming, serious or not. The holidays should be about giving and love. Now what happens if the relationship gets serious, this girlfriend will remember these selfish acts forever.

    If the family didnt want her there, they could of went about it in a more respectable manner.

    Post # 5
    3514 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @Sunnyday278:  Ohhh that’s sucha sticky situation! I really think the family is kinda messed up because if they’ve been together for 4 months why haven’t they made an effort to meet the girl esp. when told he would like to invite his gf why not have a pre-christmas dinner type of thing and get to know her? Now that she’s been un-invited meeting them would be super awkward. When FI and I had our first Christmas together we had been together for 6 months and I had already meet his mom’s side but not his dad’s and his dad had a dinner two weeks before christmas and invited us that way when I went over for christmas they already met me. Doesn’t seem like the bf’s family is trying.


    Post # 6
    1248 posts
    Bumble bee

    As a sister of a brother- I have probably acted at immature & bitchy before. No girl is good enough for my little brother! I think the sister probably doesnt care to know her brothers gf, for probably a reason she made up in her head, and maybe is bitter about her lack of a love life. Its not right, but I can see her thought proccess.

    As for the gf, its real sad she’ll be spending the holidays alone. Maybe she’ll find a friend she can spend it with or something, but if she wants to keep it cool w her bfs family and stay in that relationship, she’ll just have to go along w the crappiness of the situation. If i were her though, i’d run. Find a man who is a only child. lol thats what i did IRL.

    Post # 7
    3667 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I’d break up with him. He didn’t stand up for the girl, and it’s not like she has a real future with him if his family has already treated her like this.

    Post # 9
    2571 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I had just moved in with DH a month before Thanksgiving and so it was assumed I’d be coming and meeting everyone was fine and a non issue.  That’s awful her bf univted her and now she has to be alone on Christmas. 🙁 

    Post # 10
    2792 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    BF obviously did not talk to the family first.  And that is the most important thing here.  If he had spoken to his mom, she said yes, but then sister through a fit, it would be one thing for him to need to stand up to his mom and sister.  If he invited her, didn’t tell anyone until now, and they said no, we don’t want random four month girlfriend at our family time, that is completely different and he needs to respect the wishes of his family.  I’m sorry, at 4 months into a relationship, I don’t have to side with my GF over my family.  Once you are a FI or wife, yes, he should. 

    It might also be disrepsectful because the family has established the rule of no GFs/BFs until their are rings involved, which I fully understand.

    I will say the MOST awkward thing that happened with me and my FI’s family is spending Christmas with them after us dating for 6 months.  I was stuck in town due to a snow storm.  His family invited me to their Christmas.  While it was wonderful, it was also their grandchild’s first Christmas.  If we would have broken up, I would FOREVER be in the picutres of this kid’s first Christmas.  How awkward!  “Oh, look, it’s little L opening his first present.  Oh, and there is MrWho’s girlfriend in the background.  Anyone remember her name?”

    Post # 11
    9137 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    If the GF could make alternative plans then it wouldn’t be such an issue.  I totallt understand the family’s position and would normally support it, except in this case that means the GF spends Christmas alone.  What family would be okay with someone spending Christmas alone?  Not a family I would want to be a part of.

    The BF should have stepped up and apologized for inviting the GF without talking to the family first but he should also have said if his GF isn’t welcome then he’s not leaving her alone on Christmas so they can either let her attend or he will be spending Christmas with his GF elsewhere where she is welcome.

    Post # 12
    172 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I think the bf should have stood up for her, a bit. Talk about awkward when they finally do meet. I’d have a really hard time stick around when it seems like he has such an unwelcoming family! UGH. I am a huge believer in welcoming people into my family with open arms.

    A MONTH after my SO and I started dating, on boxing day, I travelled (by myself ) 5 hours away to meet his family (he was already there for Christmas Day) and spent a few days with them. They welcomed me with open arms. Since that Christmas (which was 5 christmas’s ago) him and I have spent every Thanksgiving with his family and we’ve rotated Christmas’s between his family and my family. We will either spend Christmas Day together with my family then travel to see his. Or spend Christmas together at his families. I’ve travelled across the country to visit his grandparents for their 65th wedding anniversary, etc.

    I consider him my family (even if we’re not married) And his parents/siblings consider me part of their family as well. From Day 1.  And the same with my family.  I can’t imagine if they excluded me because I wasn’t “legally” family. That seems so ridiculous to me.

    Post # 14
    451 posts
    Helper bee

    Yeah. I’d probably leave him. Unless he’s very young (19-21 which could explain his cluelessness), he handled this so poorly (and the potential future inlaws so nuts) that he needs a lot of growing up. And I don’t think anyone should have to date someone long term with this much self work to do. 

    He should handled this privately and firmly with mom and sister. And he should never told her it happened. 

    Post # 15
    3514 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @Sunnyday278:  hmm idk the details of the situation but I know for my case I never tired with FI’s father side because his stepmom said she wasn’t ready to meet me…didn’t wanna push the issue. Personally when my child becomes of age to date I will address them personally about meeting their SO because I feel like IMO that’s the parents place to set that up or the child not the SO

    Post # 16
    373 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @Sunnyday278:  I think the bf’s family are being a bunch of D-bags. The first time I ever went home with DH as his girlfriend was Thanksgiving and I met his whole family who welcomed me with open arms. This is going to be really hard to live down if things do get serious between this two and it leads to engagement and marriage. NOT a great first impression to make. 

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