Post # 1
I’m just curious really following a conversation with my FMIL tonight – do your FMIL/FFIL ask how much parts of your wedding are costing? And if they do – how do you feel about it?
We are paying for most of our wedding ourselves, but both sets of parents have very kindly given us some money towards the wedding to do as we wish with. This has gone into our wedding savings account and is being used along with our savings for weddings stuff, so neither set of parents are paying for anything in particular.
I was telling FMIL that we have booked our rehearsal dinner (we are organising a casual dinner after our rehearsal that we are planning/paying for ourselves as it isn’t a common thing to have in the UK but we wanted to get people together the night before). Anyway, she asked if we had agreed a price with the restaurant, what was it and what did it include? I was fairly suprised she asked and floundered a bit before answering! She has asked about the cost of other things like our flowers, the venue etc but those conversations were easier because we were talking about whether we were ok with them, if they were in budget etc & my fiance was part of the conversation. But he is currently in Afghanistan so I am finalising details myself. I was just very suprised she asked – and to be honest I didn’t want to tell her! That sounds awful since they have so kindly given us some money towards the wedding but it made me feel a bit like she was judging what I am doing! Oh the joy of money/budget conversations 🙂
Post # 3
Money is always a difficult subject. Some people are more open about talking about it than others. Perhaps shes just curious about the cost of weddings. I think its interesting to know what people payed too. And if you are paying for things yourself no one can really judge as its your decision.
Post # 4
No, but FFIL assumed we were spending $108,376,463,286,472,300 on the wedding and called me a gold digger. (Our budget is….$5,000)
Post # 5
mine asked, well they asked my FI… not me
Post # 6
If you don’t want to answer, don’t. It wouldn’t bother me, though… She’s probably just curious. If she thinks the place is too “cheap,” she can pay for it. 🙂
Post # 7
@M.Ruder: Your reply made me smile that your FFIL thought you would be spending crazy amounts on your wedding! That isn’t a nice comment he made though, difficult one.
@sonj818: Very good point 🙂 I think she is just curious as you say and I’m pleased they are interested in our planning as it shows they care. I think I am just over protective of our decisions 🙂 That & she wasn’t happy where we have chosen to have our reception initially as it is not a massive fancy hotel & more outdoorsy than their family normally have (their family all seem to get married in the same hotel/church but it is in another part of the UK & FI hasn’t lived there for 9 years & costs a fortune!). FFIL told us we should just elope and phone them the next day and he would open the champagne, I think he thinks we are mad planning a wedding!
Poor lady, she is trying so hard to help and support us by being interested and I get all surprised when she asks for costs of things! I need to just stop thinking they are judging me and just go with it 🙂
Post # 8
My in-laws didn’t ask me anything about the costs of the wedding, although my hubby and I were pretty open with sharing information with them. They were (and for that matter still are!) really cute about it though and would sneak peeks at my wedding journal that I have on another site. They still do this even after the wedding just to see if there is anything new that we haven’t specifically told them about. Not in a creepy way though, they just love to hear what’s going on in our lives. We live 6k miles away from us, so I know they miss my husband very very much!
Post # 9
My inlaws contributed a very large portion of the entire wedding cost, so I honestly didn’t have problems telling them exactly how thier money was/will be spent- they live in different state, & it makes them feel more involved if we let them in on the details… I’m a bargain hunter & I get thrilled to show off my finds anyway. BUT I know what you mean- if I want to upgrade anything from the ‘standard’ I feel like they might think I’m spoiled, ungrateful, etc. Like the PP suggested, maybe your FMIL is just curious? I would just tell her (she WILL be family!), it’s not like it’s for her approval- she can’t tell you how to spend it! Not sharing it with her may end in a more uncomfortable situation than how you feel now IMO. Good luck 🙂
Post # 10
They did not ask how much anything cost. I think it would have been rude if they did ask and I probably would have dodged the question.
Post # 11
My FMIL has asked about a number of wedding costs and I don’t have a problem with it. I would be curious if I were in her shoes.
I dont really have a problem telling anyone how much stuff is costing since we’re getting really great deals on most aspects of our wedding. I’m actually proud of myself for doing the homework, shopping around and negotiating so I want to share my bargains with others.
Post # 12
My inlaws didn’t ask about money. But I don’t think I’d care if they did. Right after we got engaged I was kind of freaking out about budget, and since my MIL helped plan her other son’s wedding she still had everything saved. She went over what they spent on everything and gave me tips on how to save money. I know that they trust us and how we spend our money, so if she were curious for some reason I don’t think it would be in a judgy kind of way.
Post # 13
Since they are paying for a big portion of the wedding they kinda need to know… My parents don’t care how much something cost unless they have to pay for it.