Post # 1
So I know my FH is stressed. I am too. We just had a wonderful engagement party thrown for us by my parents this past weekend. Even my sister who usually does not get along too well with my FH enjoyed herself and was well behaved. Even the drunk uncle was pretty well behaved! LOL
We get home to find that my FH’s ex wife is going for the jugluar with child support and custody. She is mentally unstable (she has been forcefully institutionalized at least twice) and her 14 year old daughter was scared when her mom had an episode last week. My fiance drove the 1 1/2 hours to go get her, had to call out of work for three days and just spent our last $1,000 (we have a zero bank account balance now! Scary!) on a lawyer today to gain at least temporary custody.
This woman, his ex, has had too much control over my household for the past two years. She disrespects me (even when checked by FH) and dictates the mood of my household. The thing is, when she is on her medication she is a great parent. I am not sure what sets her off, but she is threatening to call the police and claim kidnapping if the girl is not returned by Saturday. Mind you, she can just as well drive here to pick her up as well. I think she just wants the money. I just have a feeling that even if we do pay her the money, it will always be something. Just as soon as things go well, she will put her daughter out or threaten all of us.
Even though I have my falling outs with his daughter, I still want what is best for her. The school system where we live is some garbage and the whole point of her living with her mom was for a better education and the fact that it is court ordered that the mom have full custody. The daughter even agrees that living with her mom is best as far as getting an education and that was a hard sell.
I can’t deal with this crap with such a short time before my wedding. Bees, please pray for me!
PS. Yes, we are attending family counseling!
Post # 3
Oh wow. Hugs for you. I’m dealing with custody issues right now but nothing near what you’re dealing with. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk. I’ve been dealing with the family court system for 14 years. Jersey is a tough state. Even if I can’t help, I’m more than willing to let you just vent or bounce ideas.
It’s never fun with or without an impending wedding.
Post # 4
My mother has to deal with a crazy nasty ex wife too. This mother has been using her children as pawns against their dad (my mother’s husband) and playing head games with them for the last 7 or 8 years. It’s a mess! Even after being divorced from my step dad for about 11 years…this crazy woman will not let it go and is unrelenting.
I really really wish you the best and hope this issue resolves quickly.
BTW, on the education issue. Even if the education at the school in your area isn’t as good, that can be remedied with alternatives. If she studies hard, looks for after school programs, and uses resources like the library she’ll be fine. Most intelligent people I know all say they didn’t learn anything in school, it was mostly just for social interaction…which they hated.
Post # 5
WOW ((HUGS)) its messed up that you have to go through this so close to your day. I am def covering you and your family in prayer.
My advice, rememeber that your FI issues become yours once your married. he sounds like an awesome daddy and wants whats best for his daughter. This sounds like it would be an easy court case due to the mom’s mental issues. So just be strong, support him and his daughter and try not to let this ruin your day. Stay encouraged!!!!
Post # 6
Is there a court date set? Is there a way you can call social services and get emergency custody? Does the daughter want to go back?
Can you call the police and SS and report the episode she had and let them know about it so at least it is on paper and you can give that to the court?
Is there a way the daughter can come back to you and your FI and just take honors classes?
I’m sorry this is happening to you. I really am.
All you can do is lay down the law with her. If she gets nasty, hang up?
Post # 7
I’m sending my prayers up for you and your family. I’m sorry you have to go through this. Since your FI has temporary custody, her threat shouldn’t be an issue. Your FI should be able to request emergency temporary custody for an extended time. Make your lawyer work for you.
Post # 8
To all my bees who have offered encouraging words and prayer- Thank you and God Bless! I feel a little better. His daughter wants to live with us for the social factor (only). DC is jumping in comparison to where her mom lives (waaaaay out in VA). We are kinda of strict and my sister truly believes that kids like structure which is why the kid wants to live with us. The lawyer is coming over in about 30 minutes so the kid can tell her uncoached side of the story.
On a happy note, (I refuse for ex to dictate MY wedding), I found my processional song. I was leaning heavily on “You and I” by Stevie Wonder or “All I Do” by Tammi Terrell. Instead I think I am going to do “You For Me” by Johnny Gill. I have about a 4 minute walk down the aisle so I will scale it down some.
Post # 9
@MrsCypresstobe: Glad you’re more at ease and feeling some peace right now! I’ll definitely be praying for you guys! I know that God takes care of his kids and that you and your FH will have the favor needed for her to be in a good place. Education really starts AFTER grade school anyways, but having a stable home enviroment is necessary all throughout for a child to have what’s needed to succeed. I think that the enviroment ya’ll can provide her FAR exceeds what she could gain in education at her moms. And yes, children like structure… just like we do.. could you image if every day was a mess and we didn’t know when/what needed to be done how to act/take care of it but just that it needed to be done?.. pfft that gets old after awhile. lol
Goodluck to you and your family! Will be praying.. keep us updated =)
Post # 10
Not to be nosy, but what’s the issue with her wanting money? Is your FI having problems keeping up with his support payments? Not that that would justify her bananas behavior obvs. She kinda sounds like my mom (threatening to involve the cops etc) is her mental issue manic depression/bipolar? I feel for your future step-daughter, that’s a tough environment to deal with.