Post # 1
Kinda crazy question…
I am moving to South africa and honestly FLIPPING out about it. Full state of panic.
Biggest decision of my/anyone's life….. Advice, PLEASE!
My Dh is great, but honestly sick of talking about it.
I am a worrier by nature and have high anxiety. We are TTC in less than a month and now I want to push it back, he does not. My fear is, if we get a divorce there will be an international custody battle or I will feel stuck in South Africa forever.
Can you draw up an agreement that says if we get a divorce that I can raise the kids in the States? He says that he would let me do this (but he of course never considers that we would ever get a divorce). I love him to death and am not expecting to but you could call me a realist so I like to plan for the worst and hope for the best.
Him agreeing with me now really wont do much if it isnt in writing…..
Or should I let it go?????
FULL ON PANIC!!!!
Post # 3
@nonapkns: Tough question. While it will likely not be a situation you have to deal with, I can understand your concern. Women’s rights and custody situations outside the US can be very different and difficult.
I honestly do not know anything about the laws or paperwork needed to protect you in this situation, but if you need the peace of mind, you should probably see a lawyer to at least know your options.
Post # 4
@nonapkns: I’m a worrier by nature too, and I completely understand where you are coming from. I would talk to a lawyer about your options like PP suggested.
Post # 5
If it would make you feel better, talk to a lawyer and get it drafted up. I do not think this is an unreasonable request. Because you are a US citizen (I am assuming), that would make this easier for you as well. I know that in most states the mother needs permission to move far away from the father, but if he does not give permission, there are ways it can be granted. There is nothing wrong with protecting your best interest, or your future child’s.
Post # 6
you need to find out if its legally enforceable. theres no point getting something drawn up if its not worth the paper its written on. any kids born there are going to be SA citizens i assume (or youd have the baby in US?), which means even in the case of dual citizenship the US cant interfere with legal issues in SA. so i assume that itll depend on SA law rather than US law
most likely itll be affected by how long youve been there. if you divorce after a couple of years you have a better chance of being able to do that that if your child has been living in SA for 10-15 years