Post # 1
I’m in a really sticky situation, I have currently asked 3 of my friends to be my bridesmaids for my wedding in August. 2 of them I have been friends with since we were 3, the third I met when I was 16. I am close to all three, although since asking her to be my bridesmaid about 8 months ago I’ve only seen her once, and she keeps cancelling our plans at the last minute and is being really difficult when trying to organise everyone getting together to buy dresses.
I would love my sister in law to be bridesmaid but I don’t want more than 3. I am much closer to her and see her and talk to her more often.
Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do, or say? I don’t talk to her as much anymore, maybe a couple of texts a week. I don’t want to ruin our friendship, but I don’t want to look back on my wedding day and think I made a wrong decision!
What should I do?
Post # 3
If you don’t want to ruin your friendship you should just keep her. If you really want your sister in law to be a bridesmaid then add her as well. I don’t think there’s too much difference between 3 or 4.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t cut her. Just add a fourth if you want to include your sister in law.
Post # 5
Personally, cutting her as a bridesmaid is going to be damaging, if not ruin, your friendship. It’s unfortunate that it’s going this way, but you may just have to plan around her, tell her what dress you’ve selected, and leave it up to her.
If you want your SIL, ask her, but you shouldn’t cut the first girl. Just deal with having 4, I guess?
Post # 6
@FutureMrsT2013: if this girl is constantly ignoring you, perhaps she doesn’t even want to be in the wedding and doesn’t know how to tell you. the best way to find out is to ask her if she really wants to be apart of your day. some people just simply cannot afford the dress, shoes, hair, showers, etc, etc.
if you want your sil, ask her too.
Post # 7
I would say keep her as a BM but go ahead and ask FSIL. Like PP said, there’s not much difference between 3 and 4.
Honestly though, I wouldn’t get too excited about asking FSIL. I asked my FSIL to be a BM and it’s been more trouble than it’s worth. When it comes to weddings, you really see ppl’s true colors. We were really close before the wedding, now, not so much 🙁 You have to be prepared for that. And what makes it even worse is that’s family now so you are going to have to deal with it regardless, you cannot back out of it once you ask your FSIL (like you want to now with your unattentative friend).
Post # 8
Thanks everyone, I wish people could just take news easily and get over things.
It’s just upsetting to have someone in the wedding who isn’t making any effort with me when planning a wedding is so much work!
Post # 9
@FutureMrsT2013: Depending on how many times she has cancelled plans/etc, I would talk to her. Just tell her she seems busy, does she have time to help with the wedding? Explain that you won’t be offended if she would rather be a guest instead of standing beside you. Give her the option, and tell her to take her time letting you know, and you are fine with whichever decision she makes. This way, if she drops out, it’s her decision and not yours 🙂 this should keep the peace!
Post # 10
I voted keep her as a bridesmaid, because in all honesty, she hasn’t done anything wrong to be kicked out. She just isn’t as involved as you had hoped she would be, but that isn’t her duty.
If you want your SIL, add her. Not adding her, IMO, would cause drama. And if you think she belongs there, chances are she’s feeling hurt that she isn’t in the bridal party to begin with.
I’m not sure what your reasons are for not wanting 4 bridesmaids, but if it’s money– sacrifice. I would rather sacrifice money or more expensive dresses than the friendship of someone I love and will be joining their family.
Post # 11
Thanks, it will definitely be easier! It’s just in my heart I know I won’t be over the moon with her in the party.
Why is all this so complicated?!
Post # 12
can you sit her down and talk to her, or call her? maybe if you tell her whats up she will be understanding, and there be no friendship issue
Post # 13
I’m kind of in a similar situation, and I just decided to add another BM (which makes it now SEVEN bridesmaids..) Oy vay.. I didn’t want to cut anyone out