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We ran into this same issue where we wanted to trim the list after we'd sent out save the dates. But I basically figured that anyone who had received a save the date HAD to get an invite. We didn't send save the dates to local people so we had a bit of wiggle room there, but once you tell someone to expect an invitation--and not make any other plans for that date--it would be kind of a slap in the face to not invite them. I think people would be really hurt.
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I agree with the first poster that people could be very hurt by the change of plans. It's one thing to have a private A and B list, but it's another thing for people to realize which list they're on. :)
Are there any other places that you can make up the money? Maybe shave a couple of dollars off per person for the food/alcohol? Maybe change the level of formality of the reception? We realized early on that a formal reception would be way out of our budget, so we're doing a small wedding/lavish dinner for 30 people on our wedding day, and then throwing a huge backyard BBQ the following weekend. We kind of feel like we're getting the best of both worlds this way, and we're saving a TON of money to boot. :)
Best of luck to you!
If you had wanted to do an A/B list, you shouldn't have sent out all the STDs. That in effect just bumped everyone up to A list. At this point, you really do need to invite everyone who got a STD.
Unfortunately I agree with others that you can't not invite people that you sent STDs to. It's just rude!
I think the only exception is if you had a falling out w/ one of the people you sent an STD to.
@saramari I'd like to do something like you did but...deposits have already been made and plans set into place for the reception and all that...as for food we did pretty good - $22/head for a buffet dinner....and as for alcohol our venue has this weird $1,000 deposit thing that we have to pay since it's a Saturday.
Anywho at this point all we could really do to cut costs would be to cut down the guest list since most things have been purchased or ordered or booked already lol
I guess I'll just have to send invites and hope people that would have been on the B list will RSVP no? lol
You usually can count on roughly 80% of your guest list attending. Not sure if that helps or hurts!
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I agree with the prior posters... a save-the-date promises an invitation, and people plan around it and will be hurt if they've been "cut." It's really too late at this point. I'm sorry :-/
The one exception I can think of is if you cancel the whole "wedding" aspect of getting married and elope instead - I think in that case, it would be fine to send out a cancellation/announcement note to everyone on the list, saying something to the effect of "Unfortunately our wedding celebration is cancelled. We were married in the city hall last week." But it sounds like that's not what you want.
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@Erindesmar - Eep, 80? I've always heard like...60%...lol
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So, we changed our date in August 08, from a NYE 08 wedding to August 09 wedding. We had sent STDs in about Feb 08. (Follow?) When we changed the date we decided we really needed to pare the list down... I wanted it smaller, the economy had changed drastically, etc etc. So despite it not being proper etiquette, we are considering it a new wedding and some people simply arent invited this time. I didnt send out STDs at all this time though.
In your case it sounds like they just got the STDs not ALL that long ago, so it might be harder to get out of it at this point. Or at least more confusing to people. We already had some people very confused as it is, askign when the wedding is and having to explain that less people are invited this time around.
I think if you can do it, invite everyone. If you simply can't, well... Blame it on the economy, which is probably true. I'd say something to those guests you can no longer invite though because otherwise its going to be confusing for them.
One thing to consider though is that people may have made travel plans. FH and I got a STD last summer/early fall for my friends wedding in June and we haven't gotten the invite yet. At this point I'm thinking we aren't going to get one and must have been x'd off the list (I dont talk to him much anymore so I do understand). However, I'd be pretty pissed if I had decided to buy is plane tickets to fly to Ohio for it.. which I considered doing until I realized we couldn't go. So keep that in mind, if you do decide to change the list!
Good luck! The guest list has been the WORST part of this for us!
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Eeek, I would defer to others on this, but my understanding is usually 75%-80%.
I've heard 20% cancel if it is a destination wedding. I think it's like 12-15% won't go if it's at home.
And sorry, if you sent them a Save the Date, you gotta send an invitation. SO rude otherwise.
Yeah...definitely not trying to be rude....just trying to consider the budget since we're paying for it on our own lol
I think response rate totally depends on size of the list. The more people invited, means there are probably more people on the list who you aren't as close to, so less likely to make your wedding a priority. If you are having a small wedding, higher percentage attendance.
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I guess my feeling is that a "save the date" is a request for people to mark the date on their calendar and plan on coming. Usually you do this b/c the invitations go out too close to the wedding for people to make arrangements. Otherwise you would just send an announcement or put it in the paper. I think it would be a pretty big breach of ettiquette not to invite someone after you've already asked them to reserve the date of your wedding. I can somewhat understand if the date or venue changes, but otherwise I would look at it from the guest's POV.
I don't mean to sound harsh b/c I know how out of hand things can get...but it's also important to recognize that some people make big efforts to support couples on their wedding day and just b/c it's a wedding doesn't mean certain courtesies don't apply.
Yeah, an STD is a pre-invitation. You have to send the invites. Is there anywhere you can cut down... flowers, centerpieces, bar?
Yeah...currently the guest list is sitting at about 175-180.....andddd I would say there are about.. 20 people that we aren't extremely close to.
Also it will be an out of state wedding for all of our family.
Yeaaa -- Save the Dates = Invites. No wiggle room there, just keep your fingers crossed for some declines. I know you've said there isn't anywhere else to save, but if you sit down and really analyze every option, you will definitely be bound to find some more cash.
Mmm, agreed with everyone above.
Is there ANYWHERE you can cut back on cost? Have you booked your cake and everything? Theres gotta be some fat in the budget you can trim...boy that really sucks, though!
We invited 210 to our LOCAL wedding. Maybe 4 guests total from out of town. We have 89 who have RSVP'ed YES 6 weeks before. I'm thinking we'll end up with about 130 people. Thats about 60%
I'd roll with 75%, right in between! hA
Yes, estimate that 80% will come! We were really hoping for a little less than that (budget-wise)....but alas, about 80% ended up RSVPing 'yes.'
I also agree that save-the-dates = invites. No way out of that one, you'll have to make cuts elsewhere.
A Save the Date is sent to inform people so that they can book plane tickets and hotel reservations ahead of the actual invitation which details the plans of the DAY. So if you sent an STD you can't skimp there now, because you'll have guests left in limbo.
Consider that your family may be as reluctant to attend as you are to have them since the economy is down right now. If everyone is coming from out of town, expect only 60% to be able to come right now. You can also have your mom grease the skids by calling them to chat and casually mentioning that you understand how difficult the economy is and you would understand if they couldn't make it. Go ahead and send out the invites! Hold your breath, but I'll bet that your guests will fall off on their own anyway.
Our wedding will be OOT for all of our families too, and we have about a 50% RSVP rate right now.
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That is the one drawback to sending STDs. You have to be on top of your game that much sooner. And know who you want to invite. If you originally planned on 200 and sent as many STDs, then find you blew your budget on dress florist etc, you're in a bit of a bind.
I think you need to send invitations to all STD people. What if based on the STd they took the day off work, or already cancelled a golf weekend with the buddies, only to not get the invitation at all? Yikes!.
We have about a 75-80% yes count. We actually took a couple people off our original list after sending save-the-dates because of lost friendships. Sometimes that happens and I think it is better not to invite someone who is no longer our friend than have them at the wedding. Other than that, though, I'd say stick with the original list.
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So..we sent out our save the date postcards in January (July 18 wedding)...
Since then we've realized we may need to cut down the guest list a tad..both for money reasons as well as the fact that we just don't want that many people. The list itself got a little out of control anyway. lol
Anyway...is there any good way to not invite some people to the wedding that already got save the dates? We're planning on sending out formal invitations in the next couple of weeks.....should I just not send some people invites orrrr do the whole "A-list, B-list" method?
Thoughts? Suggestions?