(Closed) Cutting down a guest list AFTER sending out save the dates??

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Can I still cut down the guest list at this point, after already sending out save the dates in Jan.?
    Sure, just invite all the people you REALLY want to be there : (2 votes)
    4 %
    Stick with your original list : (45 votes)
    94 %
    Other (explain) : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    329 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    We ran into this same issue where we wanted to trim the list after we’d sent out save the dates. But I basically figured that anyone who had received a save the date HAD to get an invite. We didn’t send save the dates to local people so we had a bit of wiggle room there, but once you tell someone to expect an invitation–and not make any other plans for that date–it would be kind of a slap in the face to not invite them. I think people would be really hurt.

     

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    174 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: February 2018

    I agree with the first poster that people could be very hurt by the change of plans. It’s one thing to have a private A and B list, but it’s another thing for people to realize which list they’re on. 🙂

    Are there any other places that you can make up the money? Maybe shave a couple of dollars off per person for the food/alcohol? Maybe change the level of formality of the reception? We realized early on that a formal reception would be way out of our budget, so we’re doing a small wedding/lavish dinner for 30 people on our wedding day, and then throwing a huge backyard BBQ the following weekend. We kind of feel like we’re getting the best of both worlds this way, and we’re saving a TON of money to boot. 🙂

    Best of luck to you!

     

    Post # 5
    Member
    883 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    If you had wanted to do an A/B list, you shouldn’t have sent out all the STDs. That in effect just bumped everyone up to A list. At this point, you really do need to invite everyone who got a STD.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2022 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Unfortunately I agree with others that you can’t not invite people that you sent STDs to.  It’s just rude!

    I think the only exception is if you had a falling out w/ one of the people you sent an STD to.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2022 posts
    Buzzing bee

    You usually can count on roughly 80% of your guest list attending.  Not sure if that helps or hurts!

    Post # 10
    Member
    548 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    I agree with the prior posters… a save-the-date promises an invitation, and people plan around it and will be hurt if they’ve been "cut." It’s really too late at this point. I’m sorry :-/

    The one exception I can think of is if you cancel the whole "wedding" aspect of getting married and elope instead – I think in that case, it would be fine to send out a cancellation/announcement note to everyone on the list, saying something to the effect of "Unfortunately our wedding celebration is cancelled. We were married in the city hall last week." But it sounds like that’s not what you want.

    Post # 12
    Member
    820 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    So, we changed our date in August 08, from a NYE 08 wedding to August 09 wedding. We had sent STDs in about Feb 08. (Follow?) When we changed the date we decided we really needed to pare the list down… I wanted it smaller, the economy had changed drastically, etc etc. So despite it not being proper etiquette, we are considering it a new wedding and some people simply arent invited this time. I didnt send out STDs at all this time though. 

    In your case it sounds like they just got the STDs not ALL that long ago, so it might be harder to get out of it at this point. Or at least more confusing to people. We already had some people very confused as it is, askign when the wedding is and having to explain that less people are invited this time around.

    I think if you can do it, invite everyone. If you simply can’t, well… Blame it on the economy, which is probably true. I’d say something to those guests you can no longer invite though because otherwise its going to be confusing for them.

     One thing to consider though is that people may have made travel plans. FH and I got a STD last summer/early fall for my friends wedding in June and we haven’t gotten the invite yet.  At this point I’m thinking we aren’t going to get one and must have been x’d off the list (I dont talk to him much anymore so I do understand). However, I’d be pretty pissed if I had decided to buy is plane tickets to fly to Ohio for it.. which I considered doing until I realized we couldn’t go. So keep that in mind, if you do decide to change the list! 

    Good luck! The guest list has been the WORST part of this for us! 

    Post # 13
    Member
    2022 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Eeek, I would defer to others on this, but my understanding is usually 75%-80%. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    337 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    I’ve heard 20% cancel if it is a destination wedding. I think it’s like 12-15% won’t go if it’s at home.

    And sorry, if you sent them a Save the Date, you gotta send an invitation. SO rude otherwise. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    329 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    I think response rate totally depends on size of the list. The more people invited, means there are probably more people on the list who you aren’t as close to, so less likely to make your wedding a priority. If you are having a small wedding, higher percentage attendance.

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