Post # 1
Just wanted to share with you my ideas on how we are going to cut down our guestlist!
We both have huge extended families, my mum is one of 6 children, dad is one of 4, his mum is one of 6, you can see how all these people begin to add up.
We both have close immediate families eg. Parents, siblings, grandparents, but barely know/communicate with the rest of the family. I feel very strongly that just because they’re related doesn’t mean I have to invite them!
So to cut down our guests we’ve basically gone by the following rules…
1) if we wouldnt pick up the phone and call them, they’re not invited.
2) If we would have to include either of our surnames on the invitation for them to be able to figure out who we are, they’re not invited.
With this we’ve manged to get our guest list down to 70, the majority of which are good friends of ours, and the rest are family that we actually want to be there with us on our special day.
I’ve been to 2 friends weddings recently where they were ‘forced’ by overbearing parents to invite obscure family members, or friends of the parents over the bride and grooms own friends! Both of these friends have told me that they didn’t really enjoy their own weddings because a) they didnt know half the people there and b) they had to cut people they really wanted from their lists, to fit in all the ‘you have to invite’ guests because of venue restraints.
Anyone else had guest lists that were mainly friends? Or have you been forced to invite every relative under the sun? I’m intersted to see how other people have gone about this 🙂
Post # 3
@duchiewoo: Ours is mostly family, but that’s just because I have a huge family and we are all close. However, I am really happy that everyone who will be there. I could easily introduce everyone by first and last name. The only three people I will have to think about are FI’s friend from high school and my dad’s old business partner (who won’t show up anyways.)
Post # 4
@thenewmrsmax: Yeah I think it would be different if we spent more time with the extended family but some of them I’ve honestly seen twice in my life, I wouldn’t recognise them if i passed them on the street. Our guestlist currently consists of 40 friends and 22 family members between us, with a maybe list of 10 people (work colleagues etc) that we’ve not 100% decided on yet.
Post # 5
@duchiewoo: I have a pretty close knit family. My aunts on my mom’s side are like 2nd mothers to me. My mom actually raised a niece and nephew of hers and a great nephew. My cousins are like brothers and sisters. One of my cousins is actually my BFF so she was my MOH. My mom has 5 living brothers and sisters. Most couldnt attend because they were out of state. My dad side of the fam, however, I hadn’t seen/spoken to them since 2008. They never met my DH or any of our kids. My dad has 14 brothers and sisters plus a couple of them not only had kids who are now grown, but adopted and fostered kids (and I mean up to 12 kids per couple!!!) so none of them were invited. My DH’s dad has 9 other brothers and sisters. We invited some but none attended. DH has 6 brothers and sisters. All but 2 siblings came. I am actually somewhat close to some of my mom’s co-workers (crazy I know!) so a couple of them were invited. There were a few people that showed but towards the end of planning, I started not to care who came anymore since we were getting a low count of RSVPs back. We invited 125 guests, expected 100 to show but ended up with about 60 guests. It was perfect though. We wanted a small wedding where we knew everyone. We paid for the wedding ourselves which probably has alot to do with who’s on the guest list or not. I can understand compromising with parents if they are paying.
Post # 6
I’m glad this worked for you. In my case, it wouldn’t have worked. If you invite one aunt, you invite them all, or world war 3 will break out!
Every family and social circle has different dynamics, and compromising is necessary when drafting a guest list.
Post # 7
duchiewoo: If I invited my entire family it would be over 80 people, with FI having a similar situation. I love most of my family dearly, but we just can’t afford that, so we’re doing an immediate family only DW for the wedding then throwing parties afterwards in our hometowns to celebrate.
Post # 6
Dear lord in going through this exact fight with my mother! She has lots of aunts/uncles/cousins and seems to think they all need to be invited, despite that I have NO CLUE who many of them are. Some I know, but have only ever talked to at funerals.
Her guest list alone (not mine/fiancé’s, FMILs, not even my dads) is over half the list. She gets so upset when I say we can’t afford that many guests but her solution is to skimp everywhere else. She literally said to me “there are places to trim the budget and the guest list is not one of them.” It’s a difficult place to be, especially since we are all contributing financially.
long story short, THANK YOU SO MUCH for posting your criteria for invites!! This is such a great example and I have already bookmarked it!!
Post # 9
our guest list was more friends than family. i had 8 family members on my side, DH had about 30 family members. then between my mom and i, we had 30 friends to invite. DH had about 50 friends.
for a total of 118 people. it worked for us.
Post # 8
duchiewoo: i also come from a huge family and knew we had to make major cuts. My dad is one of 12, plus mom’s side and two step families. FI has a smaller family, but they are even close to some third and fouth cousins so most of our list is family.
We ended up cutting people that either have not come around for ages or do not know his name (or on his side, mine). I guarantee most of these people dont know who he even goes with. Hell, I dont even recognize some of my family so why should they be invited? I know it might cause a stink with aunts and uncles whose kids were cut while others were invited, but I couldn’t care less.
My sister wanted to do the same, but my dad was not having it. This time around he doesnt care as much (since I am not the first getting married and those cousins did not show or even RSVP).