Cutting down the guest list.

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@duchiewoo:  Ours is mostly family, but that’s just because I have a huge family and we are all close. However, I am really happy that everyone who will be there. I could easily introduce everyone by first and last name. The only three people I will have to think about are FI’s friend from high school and my dad’s old business partner (who won’t show up anyways.)

Post # 5
2962 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@duchiewoo:  I have a pretty close knit family. My aunts on my mom’s side are like 2nd mothers to me. My mom actually raised a niece and nephew of hers and a great nephew. My cousins are like brothers and sisters. One of my cousins is actually my BFF so she was my MOH. My mom has 5 living brothers and sisters. Most couldnt attend because they were out of state. My dad side of the fam, however, I hadn’t seen/spoken to them since 2008. They never met my DH or any of our kids. My dad has 14 brothers and sisters plus a couple of them not only had kids who are now grown, but adopted and fostered kids (and I mean up to 12 kids per couple!!!) so none of them were invited. My DH’s dad has 9 other brothers and sisters. We invited some but none attended. DH has 6 brothers and sisters. All but 2 siblings came. I am actually somewhat close to some of my mom’s co-workers (crazy I know!) so a couple of them were invited. There were a few people that showed but towards the end of planning, I started not to care who came anymore since we were getting a low count of RSVPs back. We invited 125 guests, expected 100 to show but ended up with about 60 guests. It was perfect though. We wanted a small wedding where we knew everyone. We paid for the wedding ourselves which probably has alot to do with who’s on the guest list or not. I can understand compromising with parents if they are paying.

Post # 6
11626 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m glad this worked for you.  In my case, it wouldn’t have worked.  If you invite one aunt, you invite them all, or world war 3 will break out!

Every family and social circle has different dynamics, and compromising is necessary when drafting a guest list.

Post # 7
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

duchiewoo:  If I invited my entire family it would be over 80 people, with FI having a similar situation. I love most of my family dearly, but we just can’t afford that, so we’re doing an immediate family only DW for the wedding then throwing parties afterwards in our hometowns to celebrate.

Post # 6
34 posts

Dear lord in going through this exact fight with my  mother! She has lots of aunts/uncles/cousins and seems to think they all need to be invited, despite that I have NO CLUE who many of them are. Some I know, but have only ever talked to at funerals.

Her guest list alone (not mine/fiancé’s, FMILs, not even my dads) is over half the list. She gets so upset when I say we can’t afford that many guests but her solution is to skimp everywhere else. She literally said to me “there are places to trim the budget and the guest list is not one of them.” It’s a difficult place to be, especially since we are all contributing financially.

long story short, THANK YOU SO MUCH for posting your criteria for invites!! This is such a great example and I have already bookmarked it!!

Post # 9
6171 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

our guest list was more friends than family.  i had 8 family members on my side, DH had about 30 family members.  then between my mom and i, we had 30 friends to invite. DH had about 50 friends.

for a total of 118 people. it worked for us.

Post # 8
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

duchiewoo:  i also come from a huge family and knew we had to make major cuts. My dad is one of 12, plus mom’s side and two step families.  FI has a smaller family, but they are even close to some third and fouth cousins so most of our list is family.

We ended up cutting people that either have not come around for ages or do not know his name (or on his side, mine). I guarantee most of these people dont know who he even goes with. Hell, I dont even recognize some of my family so why should they be invited?  I know it might cause a stink with aunts and uncles whose kids were cut while others were invited, but I couldn’t care less.

My sister wanted to do the same, but my dad was not having it. This time around he doesnt care as much (since I am not the first getting married and those cousins did not show or even RSVP).

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