Post # 1
Sooo, we are getting married in September, and I posted the ‘save the date’ cards out around February/March. My godfather phoned my Mum a few days later and excitedly told her he would be coming and possibly spending the week. He lives in a different town far away from the venue, and wouuld have to fly/stay over. Mum excitedly told him about the venue (a scottish castle) and everything else we had planned. He said he would book at the end of April.
Fast forward to today – a week after my birthday. I get an e-mail from him saying happy birthday and that he wouldn’t come to the wedding because ‘he only wanted to do things he could support fully and such a glamorous wedding with a lot of hooha certainly wasn’t one of them’.
I feel like someone has stabbed me in the gut. I can’t really reflect the full wording of the e-mail here, but essentially it said that he thinks my wedding is totally overblown and I am a spoilt brat for having such a big wedding, and he wouldn’t approve of it. Now, we are getting married in a castle, but it is by no means a ‘big wedding’ – the venue is pretty much the only true luxury (apart fromt he dress ) and we really invited only relatives and close friends to keep costs as low as possible. I am doing a LOT of things myself, like invites, decorations etc. And why should he get to judge my wedding anyway? It’s not his money. My parents are upset now as well, as they feel criticised by him and said to me I should ignore him – but how could I after that e-mail?! I have been with my partner for 11 years, so it’s something we have been waiting for quite a while. It’s not something we are doing lightly – we intend to spend the rest of our lives together. why shouldn’t we have the wedding of our dreams? My parents are helping out, but relishing the planning – why shouldn’t they enjoy their only daughter’s wedding?
I feel hurt, angry and disappointed – and somehow that he has soiled my perfect wedding dreams with is callous comments… what do you bees think?
Post # 3
What?! Ugh. I would be so pissed especially from your godfather.
For those kind words, I would send him an email and make him feel guilty.
“I’m sorry you are not able to come. It is really unfortunate you are not able to. You will be missed.”
Give his seat away and if he changes his mind, tell him you gave it away. It’s one thing to complain about it to someone else but for him to send you an email. ??!?!?
Post # 4
I’d be tempted to answer with:
Thanks for the birthday wishes. We are enjoying the wedding planning, working on lots of details ourselves to make it very personal for a few of our close friends and relatives.
Thank you for letting us know so early on that you do not support our marriage and our wedding, we will use the extra space to invite someone who will fully support our wedding and our efforts to make this a joyous event for our guests.
Have a good summer doing the things you judge to be worthy!
Post # 5
Oh, that’s awful! I can’t believe he would jump to his own conclusions so quickly – is he usually like that? You certainly don’t come across as selfish and it sounds like your parents agree and stand behind you… I’m sorry your godfather was such a jerk.
Post # 6
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
What a jerk. I’d be tempted to send something like what edgypants wrote, but I’d probably respond by saying, “Thank you for the birthday wishes. We will miss you at our wedding and hope you have a change of heart! We’d love to celebrate our wedding with you.” No matter how angry you are. He was being a pretty crappy person, frankly, and making judgments about you and your choices that he had no right to make. Maybe killing him with kindness will make him think about whatever it is that he’s *actually* reacting to.
Post # 7
Wow, that is completely rude. I would send him an similar to what edgy peanuts said.
Post # 8
Yikes! I would be tempted to reply with something equally cutting, like “Thank you for your email. If you feel that it would be inappropriate for you as my godfather to attend my wedding and support me on the most important day of my life, then by all means stay home. I’m glad to know how you feel so I may have a more accurate view of our relationship in the future. Sincerely, Cherryshake.” But that probably wouldn’t do you any good.
The better answer would probably be something like “Throughout our wedding planning, our priority has always been finding a way to celebrate our joy with our closest family and friends. I am disappointed to hear that you do not wish to be apart of this. Best wishes, Cherryshake” but I know I would have trouble taking the high road on this one. Who does something like that to their own goddaughter? I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this.
Post # 9
Wow…..That stabbed me in the gut and its not even my wedding! I would be sooo upset. I am sorry you are going through this but I really have no advice.
Post # 10
What do I think? I think you should post pics here after your wedding, it sounds gorgeous!
In all seriousness, I am having a hard time understanding how your godfather could be so callous and mean about your wedding, especially after sounding so excited about it when filled in with all the details just a few weeks ago. So crazy. Can you think of any reason why he might have had this change of heart? Is he going through a rough patch in his life (especially one that might leave him hard up for money?), or has he always been the sort to change him mind about situations to such extremes? In any event, I am so sorry he has treated you this way, it’s just not right no matter what his circumstances, and it really sucks that someone you believed to care about you will not be there to support you. But as all the bees pointed out before me, if he really feels this way about you and your wedding, you don’t want him there anyway. Use the money to invite an extra guest who WILL support you, or to throw those who are coming an even better party.
Good luck, and whatever happens with your godfather, I am sure you’ll have a beautiful and very meaningful wedding.
Post # 11
that is HORRIBLE!!! I would be heart-broken! Please don’t feel like you have to justify your decisions to ANYONE. What a d*ck for bringing in such negative feelings for your happy day. Read this, it will make you feel better:
Post # 12
Thanks for the birthday wishes.
Completely ignore the rest of the e-mail. Do not acknowledge it. It is undeserving of your emotional energy! Continue to plan for him not to attend and try really hard to forget about it!
Post # 13
I would tell him that you’re sorry he can’t attend, but that you did receive an rsvp from the Queen and that she’s thrilled to be coming! (I am like that..)
What a horrid thing to say and for no apparent reason at all.
I’ve sadly learned that there are some people you find in life, that do not share your happiness when wonderful things happen. In fact, they will sometimes go out of your way to try to rain on your parade.
Don’t let his words get you down. Have a beautiful wedding, and know that we support you and your family supports you, and I’m sure they are outraged at such unbelievable comments made by the godfather.
Post # 14
Yeah! I second Belle… you’re English, you can invite the Queen and you’ll be sent a letter of congratulations! :):):)
Realisticlly, I would agree with the others who wrote obviously hurt yet polite messages. Being snarky will get you nowhere (unfortunately). I’m sorry you have to deal with this!
Post # 15
Thank you bees, it’s so nice to know there are still lovely, supportive people in the world. Woke up feeling depressed and like crap – until I read all your amazing messages!
I still can’t believe he has done this to me either. The temptation to write a snarky/hurt e-mail is quite strong, but I just don’t feel there would be any point. He has obviously made up his mind and to be honest I wouldn’t even want him to come now. Not after this. I am just so sad – all my grandparents are already dead, and there aren’t many people left in the world I would consider as family, other than my parents. He was one of them, and it feels like he has just ended that bond. I don’t see how we could ever recover that.
Post # 16
Oh snap edgypeanuts! It’s such a shame that your godfather has said something like that cos it’s just so vastly unneccessary! At the end of the day if he’s going to let something as silly as his pre-concieved ideas about your wedding get in the way of him being there he’s clearly not worthy of being there for you and your FH on your big day. You deserve to have the kind of wedding you want and if everyone else is fine with it (esp. those who are paying!!) then he shouldn’t care if you’re getting married in a shed or a castle! Please don’t let his comments affect you or how you feel about your wedding. Enjoy your big day!!!