Post # 1
I think some of you with amazing memories may remember my prior post about my friend, J.
My friend is so bitter I'm engaged. (long, as usual with me)
Well, things haven’t gotten better. She apologized, I read her the riot act, we spoke maybe once after and I haven’t tried to contact her since. Her Facebook has become increasingly more aggressive, passive-aggressive, self-absorbed, and critical. (And no, I do not try to make her out to be this way…she’s just always been this way, honest.) I’ve become really uncomfortable with it and do not want or need that anywhere in my life.
So today I deleted and blocked her. Blocked her from my phone, etc. Fiance cut ties with her too. I feel good, but I feel like I wasted so many years trying to be there for her and trying to be a positive support for her. I really, really tried. Being so negative during the initial engagement stage really ruined it for me. I couldn’t bounce back from that after so many years of a one-sided friendship.
Any advice for me? I don’t cut people out of my life a lot, and there’s a mix of emotions. This girl before her tantrum was supposed to be in my bridal party!
Post # 3
I had to do the same thing recently! It sucks, a lot. I was friends with the girl since I was 10 years old, but things change. Sometimes you are better off and you just need to move on!
A quote that I LOVE:
Yes, life is hard. As you grow older, you’ll learn what true heart-wrenching pain feels like. You’ll realize that the majority of the people you once believed in will let you down. You’ll fall in and out of things that you think are love, and it’ll hurt. There’ll be people out there that want to see you fall down, it might happen. But you’ll get up, fake a smile, and move on. You’ll go from being called a brat to a bitch. You’ll be pressured to do bad things. You’ll keep secrets. You will regret, but forget. You’ll be heartbroken, and break some hearts. You’ll fight with your best friend, and either keep or lose that friendship. Things will get unbearable, and you will spend a lot of time crying. You’ll miss the spirit of your innocence. You will survive though, I promise. You’ll fight on and you will live to see another day. You will find true love where you least expect it, you will be adored by many. Life will move on and you’ll realize that all the pain and confusion brought you closer to happiness.
Post # 4
Awww, I totally understand how you feel. It’s so hard. I cut my best friend out of my life about 6 months ago, she was my Maid/Matron of Honor. But the way I look at it – life is too short to be surrounded by these people (your former friend and mine could be twins). To make matters worse, she is my fiances cousin, will be at the wedding and is at all family functions, so it could be worse – I promise! It does get hard sometimes, sometimes you feel like you just want to run back because of what you did have when times were good, even if it was seldom. But again, life is too short, surround yourself with positive people who are just as willing as you are. And I promise, it does get better! Sometimes cutting people out is the only option you have for sanity.
Post # 5
@PermaStudent: I love that quote! So true. Thanks, it’s good to know people have gotten through it OK. 🙂
@krrmee5: Thanks! That helps a lot. 🙂
I love the Bee. <3
Post # 6
true story – years ago one of my best friends decided to drop out of college and 2 months later got engaged to a guy she’d been dating for 6 weeks.
I went on an epic rant. I cursed her idiot inbred family. I badmouthed her. Then I called her and told her what an impulsive, juvenile fool she was being about everything. She told me I was being a bitch. And thanked me for my opinion.
That was 9 years ago.
They are still married, and he is a wonderful friend, husband, and father. She never went back to school, but it turned out okay for them. None of the calamities I thought would happen, ever happened. I know it’s not exactly parallel – I wasn’t bitter she was getting married, I was worried that she was marrying the wrong person – but I’m glad she didn’t cut me out of her life. I’m glad she saw through the bitchiness and bluster and realized that was my own anxiety about ‘forever,’ and wanting to save her.
Our friendship was always one based on super honesty with each other though. And there was a lot of trust there. I don’t think it sounds like you have that with your (former) friend.
Post # 7
@elletiger: …our relationship had deteriorated. She never matured into a adult, and decided being snide amd pessimistic was acceptable. There was trust, but I stayed in a friendship where it was all about her for years.
She had met my fiance and said she liked him. Said he was her type of humor. Then she ripped him apart the day we got engaged. We had been dating almost FOUR years…sorry, I dont think it has much to do about trust and more about respect.
6 weeks and 4 years of a stable relationship don’t quite equate. I dont know if you read the original post, but there was no excuse for what she did.
Post # 8
@sealevels: I had to do the same about a year ago. Til this day it still bothers me and hurts me the things she did but I feel I’m better off in the long run. It takes a lot of time but eventually things get better 🙂
Post # 9
Sounds like you definitely made the right decision! Who needs negativity like that?
Post # 10
It sounds like you absolutely did the right thing.
My only advice is to try to channel some of the time and emotional energy you were wasting on trying to preserve a friendship with this selfish, jealous person into something more productive. Help out at a shelter or food kitchen; donate clothes to a local charity; see if your library or church needs volunteers or knows of opportunities to, say, tutor disadvantaged children. Or simply reach out to other friends and relatives and make sure they know how much they mean to you. In my experience, when you’ve been trying for a long time to support and care about someone who drags you down, it’s incredibly healing and cathartic to instead do nice things for people who will appreciate and be positively affected by your efforts.