(Closed) Cutting guest list for baby shower?

posted 5 years ago in Babies
Post # 4
Member
2420 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Yikes. The whole inviting the daughter in law of the aunt but not her own children seems super odd. I would go with option 1 and have two smaller showers instead of one large one.

Post # 5
Member
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

I was in a similar situation, except I’m the one the shower is for. We ended up just having one huge one because I don’t have time to have four separate showers (two for one side of the family, one for the other, one with work) and it wasn’t worth the hurt feelings coming from people who weren’t invited to one they thought maybe they should be invited to. We’d considered only inviting “my generation” family members, like cousins I’m really close with and count as my friends, but with my own sister hosting and my mom helping out, though not officially hosting, we knew it’d be hell to pay for my mom with the aunts who weren’t invited. Not worth the headache. If you can fit the people, invite them!

Post # 8
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

@Mrs. Boots:  OPTION 2!  Honestly, this is for H and the most important this is honoring her feelings.  It is, afterall, for HER, right?

I am super pregnant and not a baby shower person, so I flat out had to ask for what I wanted (a meet and greet after the baby comes with men and women and drinks and food – like a party).  I think H and her wishes should come first during this sensitive time.  Having J host will solve the problem you are describing of “hey, Mrs.(your mom), why weren’t we invited?!”  I would suggest keeping to H’s list even if that means hosting it at J’s, or having it at a restaurant or other location.  Otherwise, other people’s needs are being put before H’s, and that just isn’t good.

ETA: I don’t see how two showers is an option- the point is that H doesn’t want those extra people at the shower.

Post # 9
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I vote number 1- two showers. 

 

Post # 10
Member
2907 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Mrs. Boots:  I agree with you – and I think the host of the party generally gets to pick the invite list. If H isn’t comfortable with all of the guests your mom would like to invite, she’s free to decline your mom’s offer to throw the shower. The shower can be hosted by J, and your mom’s off the hook with her family members who might be hurt by being excluded. 

Post # 11
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I would respect her guest list. She doesn’t want these people there or their potential gifts.

i didn’t invite everyone to my wedding shower, wedding,  and definitely trimmed the fat on family. Maybe call H and step down from hosting at your home?

Post # 12
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I vote option 1.  I agree with pretty much everything you’ve said.  If J wants to host an H approved guest list than that lets your mom off the hook.  I think it’s really unfair to ask your mom to take the heat for all this. 

Post # 13
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Vote for #1.  I understand sis-in-law H’s feelings, but really that is such a hard position to put others in who are throwing you the shower. 

Also, OP, does your brother know about this?  Can you mention what H wants to him and see if he can *gently* explain the family dynamics? DH has a very large family that invites everyone to everything.  I hadn’t met many of them before my bridal shower and was uber intimidated/anxious about the day.  But, I know DH would’ve talked to me about trying to disclude people if I would’ve suggested that (although, I personally would never be able to do that to people graciously throwing me a shower). 

Post # 15
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Let us know what j says because she might be willing to host and then you won’t have to worry about it. 

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