Post # 1
My heart is heavy with this but I feel the immediate need to cut off ties with an in law. My husbands brother. He is a lying, stealing, drug addict who offers absolutely no value to our lives. I am expecting our first child in June and really evaluating my priorities. The mental health of my husband is of utmost importance and his brother only adds grief. He works a stressful job (Leo) and really needs to be focused.
My mother in law passed away last sept and since then we have been taking on the task of dealing with her estate and debts. The house was left to my husband,we live five hours away so he allowed his brother to live there so it doesn’t sit empty. His brother has no job, relies on social security and has been living there rent free. We have been paying all the bills and mortgage and this has been a huge financial burden to us. We are now finally in a position to get the house on the market and his brother is irate. He says that my husband should be ashamed for selling the house and disrepectimg his mother. Weve found evidence that he’s sold some of her jewelry presumably for drugs, he’s racked up thousands of dollars in parking tickets driving his mothers car which there is no registration he has no license or insurance and has no intention of paying.
He really is the most toxic person I’ve ever known and is an evil nasty person. My husband is a saint and while he agrees with me still feels sympathetic at times for him.
I hate feeling this way and just want him out of our lives.
This was just a vent.I really can’t believe some people.
Post # 2
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
Gosh, I’m sorry you and your husband have to deal with someone like that. I just couldn’t. You guys are good people. But you’re right – there’s no value added from the relationship, and if your husband wants to cut ties I’d be on board for that idea too!
Post # 3
You need to sell the house as possible.
The brother must leave the house. You may have to see a lawyer if he refuses to leave. If he still complains then he needs to come up with a financial plan on how he is going to pay rent.
Unless you plan on using your late MIL’s car then ensure that that you are not your liable for the fines.
Sometimes tough love is necessary. Get good legal advice.
Post # 4
Dealing with a close relative with a drug problem can be heartbreaking. Both my fiance and I have an older brother with an addiction problem. Both of them are very intelligent and can be really nice when they are not using drugs but both can be liars and cheaters when they need money for their habits. My brother cares and knows he has ruined his life. He feels guilt for his bad behaviour. You probably have never known the brother when the drugs were not controlling him but your FI has and so it is even harder for him to deal with the disappointment and regret.
I agree that you need to sell the house but try to be compassionate and understanding towards both the FI and the FBIL. It is hard to see it as a disease but I doubt any addicts are happy with the twists and turns their lives have taken. It is a choice to some extent but some people seem to have no tolerance for drugs and have a much harder time resisting and breaking the addiction.
Post # 5
Thanks ladies. House is on the market and hope it goes fast. I just reviewed the parking tickets…over 800 dollars in fines. We intend to sell the car but bil lost the keys recently at a bar, of course.
I pray to God to give me the ability to have more compassion for him, but after all of the stories I’ve heard of his indiscretions over the years it just makes my blood boil.
It doesnt help that I’m pregnant and hormonal.
Now he’s posting on Facebook only the things he wants me to see by tagging me but I don’t want any of it appearing on my wall. I don’t like the association whatsoever. Sigh. I’m just so tired of thinking of him and even more upset he’s someone I spend time worrying over.
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2016 - Our Castle
sell it from underneath him as well as the car and use his half of the money (assuming only two siblings) to pay the debts he has accrued as well as recompensation for the morgage and bills you have paid. thats fair! or he can buy you out and you forget him and let him destroy himself.. the more you help the more harm you do.. untill he is actually ready to change or better himself/…
Post # 7
If you really plan on cutting him off/cutting him out of your life, you need to make sure that your husband is on board with it, otherwise it just wont work. If your husband continues to talk to him or feel sorry for him and to help him out, he will continue to creep into your life and mess things up.
Unfortunately theres no easy way to get away from a toxic relative, especially when its a sibling or parent. Good luck!