- 4 years ago
- Wedding: May 2007
Bees, I am so upset and torn right now, and I just want to vent/get outside opinions.
I’ve been married for 6 years, we have two children and as far as I knew, we were happy. However, yesterday DH left his phone at home by accident (a VERY unusal thing). So, I went into his Facebook to change his profile picture to a poster for a movie he HATES and some other silly little prank things. (We do stuff like that back and forth, harmless jokes, this “game” is he reason he claims to have started passwork locking his phone and his tablet) Anyways, while I was in his Facebook, he got a message from his ex. The little window popped up, and the last message was them exchanging phone numbers. I was so upset, so obviously I scrolled up and read through the whole chat history. There was a lot of just chatting, talking about their lives etc.. But , they also talked in length about their relationship, the feelings they had for eachother and things they had done etc.. He told her he thought she was pretty, that she had a nice chest (he used a different word) etc.. He also told her he was unhappy, he felt trapped, he wanted to just walk away and that he hates being married. They exchanged numbers and started texting, they had plans to meet up, but our car broke down that weekend so the plans were cancelled. She lives in another city, so her coming all the way here to see him is unlikely to be innocent. These chats started over a month ago, they would talk for hours.
He tried to hide them, deleting mesages, locking devices etc.. He claims he did it because it was fun to feel desired by another woman, that he would never be physical with her or anyone else. He said he knows he was wrong, that it was not right and I am right to be upset. At the same time, he is giving me the impression that he feels justified in this, that he didn’t sleep with her so I should be happy, that he is under stress and this last year has been hard so he snapped and this was the worst thing that he did..so that should show me how much he loves me? I feel like he thinks this can be brushed off and forgotten. He says that he did not mean what he said about not wanting to be married, that he was having a bad day and had been drinking..but I don’t know, that just isn’t something you say..to your ex..who you are secretly chatting with at all hours.
I have no idea where to go from here, how do I get over this? Can I ever regain trust?
I’m hurt because,
-he was flirting with her
-he took time from me, to chat with her
-he had plans to see her (what would have happened)
-it ended when he was caught, he didn’t stop it on his own.
-he complained about me, about his life, said he didn’t want to be married
-risked my feelings, and our marriage, just for some stupid text flirting.
-put her above me (they had a onversation about hiding them from me, they laughed about it)
In some of her texts, she would tell him about these “pathetic” guys who were hitting on her, and how she would never go for them. I bet she talked to those guys about the sad married guy hitting on her, that makes me feel icky.
I am so, very, deeply hurt. I have no idea what to do, what to believe. How could he do this to me? I feel like if he did this, he can do it again, and maybe take it further next time.