Cycle after chemical… looking for support

posted 2 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
498 posts
Helper bee

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. I’ve been there, I know how hard it is . . . and it’s made harder by the fact that the outside world can be very dismissive of what you’ve been through. “Oh but it was so early?” “Oh at least you weren’t very far along.” “Just think, if you hadn’t tested, you probably would’ve just thought it was your period.”

No. All of that is bullshit. Listen to none of it. Sure, it’s a chemical pregnancy, but it’s also a miscarriage. You went through something incredibly serious and painful, and you should take time to feel that. It’s okay to be really sad and upset . . . everything you’re thinking, I’ve thought ten times worse. I went to a dark, dark place after my miscarriage. 

That said, it gets better. A lot of what you’ve been through has been amplified by totally wacked out hormones. That changes, you stabilize, and eventually, you realize that the only way out of TTC . . . is through.

It sucks. I know. Believe me, I know.

And I also know how scary it is to worry first that it’ll never happen for you again, and then the fear that when it does, you won’t even be able to enjoy it. I have a friend who’s been through two major losses and in her first weeks, said that being pregnant was worse than waiting for it — that’s how upset she was. I assured her, from where I’m sitting, no, it’s not.

I also know all about the timeline stuff. I’m not getting any younger, neither is my son, and it’s not fun accepting that however it happens, it’s not going to be how you imagined. Them’s the breaks. 

I mean, I feel like I’m not being very helpful here. Just know that you are not alone at all. There were times that I thought I would never smile for real again, but now, two months later, I am. BFNs and all.

It just takes time. Be kind to yourself while you wait to heal.

Post # 4
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m so sorry for your loss. Having been through a mc/chemicals, event I was caught off-guard by the weight of my emotional reaction in relation to the part of me who logically agreed with the platitudes. (Favorite: “At least you know you can get pregnant.”)

If you’d like more support, we have a thread running for ladies who are TTC after miscarriage (all stages).  There’s also a pregnancy thread for graduates of the mc thread, so there is hope. You’re not alone.

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