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I think you should double check with your church that your FI needs to be confirmed. Maybe he does but it would help you in this situation so much if you knew what your church expected. People can sometimes be easily misinformed.
For example, everyone keeps telling me that FI & I can't get married in the Catholic church. I am Orthodox Christian and he is Catholic. This is absolutely not true, we would just need the permission of my church and some other things and it's fine.
Otherwise speak with both your father and your FI, explain to your FI the situation and maybe he'll come around.
I can't give you too much religious advice, since I'm an atheist (who was raised Catholic), but I can tell you that I was the MOH in a Catholic church wedding and I am not confirmed. The church never asked if I or the best man were confirmed. The groom was not Catholic, but they did do pre-cana before they got married. Hope that helps a bit!
Nope, that's not true. Proof: I am a Catholic who just married someone (legally and in the eyes of the Church) who was neither confirmed nor baptized in any faith. We had a MOH but no best man at all, so that's not a requirement either. Catholics can marry non-Catholics--your friend is mistaken.
thank you so much for your comments, greatly appreciated. We're not exactly sure where we're getting married, but I will check with all of the religious officiants of the churches we are considering. I refuse to get married in the church I was raised in because it was recently taken over by a priest that I very much dislike. Ppl of this congregation are actually leaving this church b/c of the priest, and there are rumors spreading that the church will close within the next year.
My fiance is very much aware of my situation, and will not budge unfortunately. I would hate to have to give an ultimatum. :(
Thanks again.
That's funny, she seemed so confident in her discovery. Thank you though. Perhaps this "rule" varies from priest to priest, maybe some are more flexible on this than others.
Thank you for your contribution to this thread, greatly appreciated!
Just to throw this out there, my FI IS willing to go through pre-cana. :)
Another person here to say that a Catholic can marry a non-Catholic in the church. She probably had a strict priest who ahd that rule, but not all of them are that way.
And I don't really like the part about how he "REFUSES" to be confirmed. If he doesn't hold that same belief system it would hypocritical and meaningless for him to be confirmed. I'm guessing you just think it would make your parents happy, but his beliefs really are not their business - no one should want him to be confirmed when he clearly doesn't hold the beliefs one should have to be confirmed.
I agree. I believe "refuses" was the wrong term to use in my first post of this thread. I may have used it in a matter of referring to how my parents or priest have worded it. I personally believe it is unfair that anyone expects him to get confirmed in order for us to be married.
@seppdp12: That's not true at all. I was a MOH for a Catholic wedding and I'm Buddhist. The groom was atheist and just went along with it. As long as one person is Catholic, then you can get married in the church. I think you have to just agree to raise your children Catholic.
@Miss Tattoo: The Catholic person has to promise to "do all in their power" to raise their kids Catholic. The non-Catholic doesn't have to promise anything. And though "all in their power" sounds kind of creepy, it doesn't mean kidnap the kids in the middle of the night to send them to Catholic boarding school; it just means that you should take them to Church, CCD, teach them about God, and if in the end they don't become Catholic, you aren't punished for it or anyhting.
@seppdp12: As others have said, Catholics can marry non-catholics and your MOH and Best Man do not have to be Catholic, either. Good news for you!
Also, glad that your FI is willing to do pre-cana, because that is a requirement :)
I always respect people who don't have the same beliefs but can overlook that enough to make it work. It must be hard, but very worth it :)
It isn't your Dad's wedding. Period. You being an adult means that he needs to respect your wishes and decisions - religion being a huge one among them. Weddings are, in large part, about establishing you and your FI as a new family. That means drawing boundaries with family members that are overstepping their mark. Your dad doesn't get to make this choice for you. Religion is too personal for him to control this aspect of your lives. Where does that control end after marriage? It sets a bad precedent. Nip it in the bud now and move forward with what you and your FI want, UNITED.
A Catholic can marry a non-Catholic in the Church.
You will not have a full Mass with communion, it is a shorter ceremony.
Most RC Churches will require special "mixed marriage" Pre-Cana classes. Many ask that the non-Catholic attend some RCIA to gain understanding of what Holy Matrimony means to Catholics.
Marriage is a Sacrament and this is extremely important to remember that as Catholics we take this seriously and your parents are looking out for your spiritual well-being in wanting the marriage to be recognized by God.
I am a Catechist, please feel free to message me if you need!
Thank you everyone for your comments/responses/advice. I am feeling much more relieved and confident about this. I'm hoping to get married in this really beautiful smaller church who my dad's cousin is the priest of (who also happened to marry my parents). I asked my mom about this and she thinks he wouldn't really budge on this, and would want my FI to be confirmed if we got married there by him. He is quite old-fashioned.
We do have other options though. But before I move ahead from this church I think I will call annonymously and ask what his "policy" is on this, since I don't want to create an awkward situation if he knew it was me, and ended up deciding that we couldn't get married there by him b/c of this situation. If I find out that it won't work out, then my FI and I will move onto plan B.
Most likely, you will be asked to do pre-cana at the church where you are a member. So I would suggest starting there and finding a church you're comfortable with.
THEN I'd ask the cousin-priest if he'd marry you. If you're doing pre-cana already, how could he day no? It is the church's policy to marry catholics who wish to marry...regardless of what their spouse is.
Jedeve is right. You will be asked to raise your kids Catholic and you'll be asked to verify that your FI not being Catholic will not pull you away from the church. if you can promise those things (he doesn't have to), you should be good to go.
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Not sure why this problem didn't cross my mind til now, but hopefully some of you Bees can help? Here's the situation:
I was raised catholic (baptised, received communion, confirmed), I still go to church (almost) every Sunday, and my Dad is VERY religious. My FI on the other hand is not.
Some ppl would argue that if your soon-to-be spouse does not share your religious beliefs that it will not work out. I am not one of those ppl that believe this. I love my FI to pieces, and he does believe in "spirits" but not really one over all "being" or God per se. We've already discussed what we're going to do as far as how to raise our kids religiously.
He will go to church once in a while, just to be supportive I suppose, and because he's curious. We've decided that once we have kids that we will introduce them to what it means to be catholic when they can begin to comprehend and let them decide what their religious beliefs are when they are old enough to form their own mature opinions. This is my own personal belief that every child whether baptized or not is a child of God, and that he loves us ALL, that if he created this Earth, that he created everything that we all come from.
So here's my big dilemma. I was talking to one of my girlfriends at work (who is also catholic) and she told me that her priest told her that in order for an engaged couple to be married in the catholic church that the bride and groom, and the MOH or the Best man have to confirmed. My FI I believe was baptized and was forced to go to church by his parents until he was 8 or so. Not sure if he received his 1st holy communion, but I definitely know that he was not confirmed. Another thing - he REFUSES to take the classes and get confirmed.
Here's the second part of my dilemma: my mom pretty much told me that if I don't get married in a catholic church that my dad will NOT walk me down the aisle
, or if he does that it will be a very emotionally hurtful experience for him, which I think might be worse? So ultimately, I'm being forced to chose between FI and family, and I don't even know if there's room for comprimise.
My dad, (like most?) is not much of a talker. So, I don't even know how I'd go about bringing up any discussion about this with him. I more-or-less go through my Mom most of the time, and she (being married to my Dad) usually knows what he would say or how he would feel in most difficult situations.
Any advice or comments are greatly appreciated! Thanks!