Post # 1
So after discussing with my mom and dad about the budget for our wedding, FI and I want to pay for it completely ourselves
My parents just bought a house and my mom is inbetween jobs currently because they moved back to Vegas after my grandparents both passed away.
They offered to give us 5k for the wedding but we turned them down knowing that since my parents are not working steady jobs but temporary contract positions they don’t have health insurance right now. We also took over a few bills for them (car insurance, cell phone for all of us)
My mom and dad are so proud of us both and told us they want to make a speech during our wedding reception which goes to the extent of how financially capable we are because during the planning process and such we did not ask them for any money or help from them.
Now…my cousin will be there who by then will have her wedding 1 month before mine and since both her parents names are on the invites and both sets of parents are paying for it, I’m not so sure this is a good idea. I’m not going to be able to control what comes out of my parents mouths if they start making a speech and bragging but on another level it might make them look bad since they didn’t contribute? Could it be interpreted like this? We didn’t want their financial help in anyway, we just wanted them around and gave them however many guests they wanted. And also, I’m worried my cousin will feel bad because of this as it is our choice and we could have accepted their offer to help.
Post # 3
Mom and Dad should just stick to talking about how much they love you and are proud of you. No money needs to be mentioned.
Post # 4
@elliptical2013: I don’t understand what your cousin has to do with your parents giving a speech at YOUR wedding which is about YOU and your husband…. Let your parents give speeches. They are proud of you obviously.
Post # 5
@ToTheRiot: I feel like it could indirectly snub my cousins very recent wedding in which her parents helped her pay for her wedding. But to each their own, they would have been able to do it regardless of the help you know?
Post # 6
@elliptical2013: A wedding speech is fine, but it certainly shouldn’t be about your finances. That is nobody’s business but your own. The focus should be on who you are as a couple and why you’re so wonderful, not how deep your pocketbook is.
Post # 7
@elliptical2013: Couldn’t they just comment that they are proud that you are a mature and responsible adult? I think that would clear up the financial thing without having to mention it directly. I don’t know if your parents are the type that will say something anyway despite your request, but that is what I would do–and have them talk about how happy they are for you.
Post # 8
I mean usually the speech comes from parents thanking the guests for coming because they paid for the wedding am I right? I don’t mind that they make a speech but its to announce that they didn’t help pay as well as tell people that me and FI paid…kind of strange.
Fi and I would be making a speech thanking guests for their attendance instead right? Not my parents?
Post # 9
Why not? You are their daughter and they are proud of you. Let them!
Post # 10
Even if your cousin wasn’t there I would find it in poor taste to mention money during a today. What I’d they just talk about how independent and helpful you are instead of bringing up money?
Post # 11
I think it’s fine to let them give a toast about how much they love you, but it should NOT involve money, and they shouldn’t thank the guests for attending, since they’re not hosting! You and your DH should thank people for attending.
Post # 12
@elliptical2013: I really see where you’re coming from.. If my parents stood up in front of all my loved ones and gushed about how we paid for the wedding ourselves, that would be weird. My parents will be paying for our wedding (100% their idea) so I won’t run into that but I can totally see how that would make you uncomfortable.. If I were in your shoes, I would not like them to announce to everyone our financial sitch!
I can also understand them wanting to say a few words so I would let them. Just ask them politely to keep money out of the talk.
If you wanted to kind of suggest you two are hosting without saying it, what if you or your FI spoke first, thanked everyone for coming and joining you on your wedding day and then invited special guest MOB and FOB to share a few words. Then they’re not doing the “thank you for coming” from the host speech but they still get a few words 🙂
Post # 13
@MrsBeck: During my graduation party/dinner my dad made a speech saying this was the last meal he was paying for us to the family and is so thankful that I graduated and can start the treating hopefully starting with our wedding.
Financial independence is really big with him and though nobody received the speech awkwardly then since it was all family, there will be friends that don’t understand this like why is her dad telling everyone
“Hey guys! Thanks for coming! FYI I didn’t pay! They did! So why am I making the speech again?. #Stumped.”
Post # 14
I think it’s totally fine for them both to give a speech, but tell them to leave the financial bits out of it.
Post # 15
speech is fine, but zero talk of money
Post # 16
Just let them speak. My wedding was six months ago and I don’t remember any of the speeches. It’s not a big deal.